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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be scared my baby will forget who I am ...

98 replies

sadmum22 · 27/03/2022 21:04

NC for this but I'm a regular poster.

I've been working PT since Jan after returning from maternity leave. Baby is now a few weeks away from her 1st birthday. I have to go back to work FT from next week. I have been working only 2-3 days per week these past few months and it's been a lovely balance having a few days in the office being "me" again and a few days at home with DD. From next week DD will be in FT childcare (with one day at home with her Dad), because we have no other family help.

I know IABU because women do this all the time ... but my heart is breaking at the thought of so much time away from her. Please can someone reassure me that she won't forget who her mummy is?

OP posts:

Mangogogogo · 27/03/2022 21:06

Well mine didn’t!

DontLookBackInAnger1 · 27/03/2022 21:09

She definitely won't forget you.

Can you work from home the day she's at home with your partner so you can see her a bit?

Do you get to see her for a bit before bedtime?

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 27/03/2022 21:09

Definitely won't, DD was in full time nursery from 9 months, she's coming up on 8 yo now and we have a great relationship, we're very close and she knows she is well loved.

bruffin · 27/03/2022 21:10

I has to go back to work full time when DS was 3 months old. I went p/t when he was 8 months, started working from home when he was 2 and dd was born. I started wfh then p/t ds had been at a childminder and then went to nursery and dd stayed at home with me until she was 2 and went to same nursery.
They are 24 and 26 and have a great relationship

Original poster

sadmum22 · 27/03/2022 21:14

@DontLookBackInAnger1

She definitely won't forget you.

Can you work from home the day she's at home with your partner so you can see her a bit?

Do you get to see her for a bit before bedtime?

Yes I can definitely ask about wfh on that day, my boss seems to be quite flexible and supportive at the moment. I will be the one collecting her from childcare so I will see her for a few hours on an evening before she goes to bed. It just doesn't seem like it's going to be enough somehow.

OP posts:

Mummy1608 · 27/03/2022 21:15

Of course yabu but you already know that.

You could bedshare for closeness at night, I know I really appreciated that after returning to work - dd would never ever settle in a cot, once she outgrew her moses, so it wasn't a choice but I saw the upside!

daphnedoo12 · 27/03/2022 21:16

I never had any maternity leave, my baby is in nursery 2 days a week and with my parents another 3. He loves me and knows exactly who I am.

I shared this worry too OP, but they will never forget you.

CoastalWave · 27/03/2022 21:18

She won't forgot you. But this is why so many women don't go back full time. Unless the amount you earn significantly exceeds the amount of full time childcare and that extra makes all the difference.

I chose to be with my babies after going back initially.

But she won't forget you - which is what you asked! It's more about how hard it's going to be on you.

pinkunicorns54 · 27/03/2022 21:35

I went back 4days a week recently. It was hard and they were definitely clingy on my non- working day, but it's regulated now and makes any time we do spend together even more special ❤️❤️

SisterBeaverhausen · 27/03/2022 21:36

I've just spent 15 days in hopsital separated from my 4 month old. I was so worried she'd forget who I was. I've been back home for 6 days now and she instantly recognised me. She won't forget you. You've got this Mama 🧡

Caffeineandcarbs · 27/03/2022 21:37

DS is 5 and been full time childcare since before he was 1yo. I am regularly reminded by him that I am his “all time favourite person”. She will be fine!

Shrewoodle · 27/03/2022 22:19

I work full time while my 1yo is in childcare/ with family. He's still been stuck to me like glue all day because only mummy cuddles will suffice when he's poorly . It didn't make for a relaxing Mother's day...

Embracelife · 27/03/2022 22:22

I thought you were going to say you were going to be away for a month,
Not a,few hours each day!
Of course she won't t forget
Soend time with her each day
All will be well
My dc now in 20s they certainly didn't forget me while I worked

sweetheartyparty · 27/03/2022 22:30

I worked full time from when my Dd was 12 months. She is now 5 years old and we have the closest bond. She often tells me that I'm the best Mam in the Universe! She will be fine

Herejustforthisone · 27/03/2022 22:31

She won’t forget. Mine didn’t. I went back full time when he was three months. I don’t know anyone whose baby forgot them when they went back to work because it’s not a thing. It’s just you feeling sad and guilty, but you mustn’t. You’re working to provide for her.

Chippingin2 · 27/03/2022 22:37

I thought you meant because you were dying.

Of course they won't forget you - you're going to be their mum forever.

Mummy1608 · 27/03/2022 22:41

@Chippingin2

I thought you meant because you were dying.

Of course they won't forget you - you're going to be their mum forever.

I thought that too, or losing custody by court order or going to prison. But actually op is just going to work in the daytime, it's all good!

Op you'll feel better after a couple of months of work, honestly! I remember almost crying the first few times I was expressing breastmilk at work. But it was all fine after a few months and I almost forget about her briefly while working some days (almost!)

legoouch · 27/03/2022 22:46

I thought you meant you were dying too!

But I do also remember crying insanely in the lead up to going back to work 4 days a week after maternity leave! It was fine though and my DS and I have a very close bond (he’s 8 now).

Let yourself acknowledge the loss and sadness that comes with the change. But it will be okay

PersephonePomegranate · 27/03/2022 22:47

I've been where you are. She definitely won't forget you, things will settle and soon your new routine will become normal. Your time together will be even more special.

I'd actually advise against WFH if your daughter is home. It can cause a lot of confusion and upset if you're home and not available.

Jammybadger · 27/03/2022 22:58

Don’t worry OP. My 4yo has been in full time childcare since she was 9 months old. We are very close, she needs me when she’s sad or ill etc but is also confident talking to other adults. She loves her childminder but she is in no way a mum replacement. I would say that I’m a much better and more attentive mum when I’m with her because I get to spend the day engaging my brain in what I trained to do and love doing.

Danikm151 · 27/03/2022 22:59

The joy in baby’s face when you get to the end if the working day will make you realise they could never forget you!

Evenings and weekends will feel so much more special

Notimeforaname · 27/03/2022 23:00

Try not to worry op.
I worked in a nursery for a few years and there were babies there from the age of 3 months, who did 5 days per week, 7.30am - 6.15pm.
Every one of their faces lit up when their parents came in. to collect.

Luredbyapomegranate · 27/03/2022 23:52

You know she won’t!

I wouldn’t work at home when your partner is looking after the baby, it will be distracting for uoi, potentially a bit distressing for her, and perhaps isn’t the best start to your relationship with your employer. But further down the track perhaps

Chloemol · 28/03/2022 02:39

Don’t be ridiculous of course she is not going to forget you

LoisLane66 · 28/03/2022 03:07

@sadmum22
Why the name change?

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