Don’t marry her, have me

[Timeinabottle]

I’m a child of the 80’s, teen of the 90’s. I was 18 when this song by The Beautiful south came out. Saw the video of it today and it reminded me.
I was skinny, pretty wild, fairly gorgeous… looking back…I remember thinking ‘Poor guy, what a boring life…’
I’m 44 now and I’d likely be seen as that boring wife and my Dh as the guy with all the weekend jobs and child centred things to do…made me think a bit about how if he ever secretly feels like escaping to San Francisco Bay with a younger woman for a more exciting life 🤣
What a horrible song and why aren’t there any about women being in this position and craving some excitement 🤷🏻‍♀️

I love all Beautiful South songs!

Yes I suppose it's the ignorance of youth about what being older is really like. I'm the old and flabby wife now but DH would never give me up for a younger model and I am not boring!

I was at a wedding once where the groom had an affair beforehand but was getting married anyway. The wife didn't know. At the end of the ceremony while they signed the register this song came on instead of another Beautiful South song that was meant to. It was hastily changed by the best man! They split up eventually, 8 years later when he left her for someone else.

Yeah, the naivety of thinking it would be a good thing to shack up with a man who left his wife because she expected him to get involved in childcare …

I used to sing along to this song as an eight year old thanks to my divorced mum's obsession with this band. What was it about this era that created so much internalised misogyny in music?

I mean, he’s presumably washing his car either way… weak argument.

She’s a diploma in just hiding things

Dh has a PhD in this. Yet denies all knowledge🧐

The Beautiful South are so underrated! Such memorable lyrics, regardless of meaning. .

I don't hate it.
The singer is trying to convince someone not to get married by painting a picture of what it might be. I don't think she's saying his wife-to-be is old and flabby now - she's deliberately predicting negatively claiming she won't go that way.

We don't know what happens. He might get married and have a very happy life. The singer may end up sad and lonely. Who knows?

But this is all the view of the singer, the man and his wife are deeply in love, with a loving family and clean socks, it's only the view of the outsider who is jealous and wants the man, and the life for herself, but can't get it, the bitterness is screaming out, if the man was really unhappy, he would be fucking her wouldn't he?

Funnily enough, this song popped into my head a couple of days ago & I spent the evening watching their videos on YouTube... right walk down memory lane!

Good times...

It does mention age! In the first verse she sings ”I’d never grow so old and flabby, that could never be

I read something different into it. Everyone grows old so unlikely someone would say I’d never get old. It feels like old and flabby is more a comment on the wife’s mindset, her behaviour.

I don’t read it as a young woman v an older one. I read it as one woman thinking the other has become dull and boring. Old is seldom about age and often about mindset.

It makes more sense with the ‘Fuck me’ line in because it’s saying just fuck me with no ties and let’s have some fun. I met my current husband when that song was popular. Ours was meant to be a casual, no ties relationship and we used to laugh at that song, because it was us! But guess what, we’re the boring couple that we used to laugh about now 🤦‍♀️

Yeah it’s a pretty horrible song. The character of the singer is so arrogant to assume a shag with her is better than the house kids car etc 🤣

I was never sure who we were supposed to side with, the singer sounds like some desperate drunk girl who can’t keep a relationship together lusting after some happily settled down dude 🤷‍♀️

Good tune though…

I can't listen to "Woman in the wall" anymore.

Well, not without actual rage.

IT's a great song, but, gawd, all the dead women.

Underrated band.

There was a Beautiful South special on BBC2 a couple of weeks ago, it was great. Think it was Jools Holland from ages ago.

Haha, I have recently been streaming old 90s music on Spotify and thought the same when this came on! Also that yes, so many of the lyrics we were realised on as teens were seriously mysogynistic. Girl Power was not the big thing it was cracked up to be.

As an aside, I also watched some old Street Mate with Davina McCall from 1998. All the dates are just 90s youngsters getting wasted. Emotionally healthy it was not.

*raised on

@theotherfossilsister

The one that gets me (got me) was don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me.

Yes and Girlfriend by Avril Lavigne. Luckily I feel that kind of song wouldn’t fly anymore.

@HopefulRose

I used to sing along to this song as an eight year old thanks to my divorced mum's obsession with this band. What was it about this era that created so much internalised misogyny in music?

I take it you haven’t really listened to TBS/ Paul Heaton songs as you’ve got older?

Really not misogynistic at all but great tunes around power plays on both sides

Maybe give them another listen?

I agree @OnTheBoardwalk

I hate this song because the lyrics make no sense!

"She'll grab your Sandra Bullocks,
then slowly raise her knee."

Either she's grabbed or she's kneeing them, pick one!

"those birds will peck your soul out,
and throw away the key."

What?!

Although 36d was a very bad choice that made Briana leave the band but no one gets it right all the time 😂😂

Please OP don’t listen to that

Love that song....
tbh it’s not until fairly recently I’ve realised what the hidden meaning is behind some songs or at least just realised what we were singing about when I was 10 🤣

I’ve heard the marry me and fuck me version. Very apt either way 🤐

It’s sung from the other woman’s perspective and the man hasn’t actually married the ‘wife’ yet so things might not turn out that way at all.