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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?

952 replies

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 26/03/2022 13:12

Masses of confusion.

Husband spoke to GP yesterday morning and described his chest pain. He was advised to call an ambulance. My husband refused because he didn't think he needed one - thought he had chest infection or torn muscle.

He went to A&E - was sat in a corridor from 10.30am - he had ecg, x ray and blood test. He continued to sit on a chair in the corridor all day.

He was told he was waiting for blood test results. These came back at 6pm. Then he had to wait for a CT scan - then rushed to resus.

Dissected aorta from heart level to naval level.

I was called to be allowed to sit with him because I wasn't allowed to be in A&E. Was then told he was being blue lighted to another hospital an hour away for immediate surgery. I asked is this time critical? The answer was - yes life saving.

Paramedics arrived and told me to set off to this other hospital. There were three paramedics. One said 'I'm not taking him because I can't use that bit of kit, I'll lose my job if something goes wrong'. No advanced paramedics available and no doctor available to go in the transfer.

I was 15 min into the journey and then called back to the hospital.

No surgery.

Trying all day today to get him transferred. Nothing available.

He's critically ill.

I'm out of my mind with worry.

There's a saying about not being ill on the weekend. The standard of care is not the same. The 24hr cover appears to not exist.

I feel like we're being fobbed off with poor excuses big style.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
13
Knifer · 22/04/2022 19:56

What an absolute shambles.
I'm so sorry for your husband and for you!

I hope your grandson gets diagnosed asap.

olympicsrock · 22/04/2022 19:57

Although it is hugely stressful for OP and her husband to have been for so long in limbo- he has not been ‘waiting for surgery’ for all this time.

In aortic dissection it is most dangerous to operate in the early phase. Hence the best strategy is to hold off if at all possible while the aorta stabilises.

Having said that it sounds as if DH has been mismanaged in a non specialist hospital over the past few weeks. The decision to operate was only a few days ago.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 23/04/2022 10:08

You sound like such a loving close family, you’re lucky to have each other. I am thinking of you all and hope all tests etc go well. Will keep checking in x

olympicsrock · 23/04/2022 21:56

I love all the beautiful things you are knitting for your grandchildren OP. So special and I hope it is helping to keep your hands occupied.
I am sending you a huge unmumsnetty hug OP. Keep a lovely image in mind of you and DH playing with the little ones on the beach laughing.

so glad you and DH have managed to laugh and keep your spirits up today xx

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 24/04/2022 02:39

Well, it's Sunday - surgery tomorrow. He's signed the consent papers. I'm not sure about the procedure, I know that it's huge, elephant trunk was mentioned - also further surgery in the not too distant future.

I haven't seen my husband in person since last Monday evening. I didn't see him Tuesday as I left at 6.30 am for childminding duties. We chat on video for half an hour or so on an evening. We were chuckling about elephant trunks this evening ....

I'm going to see him at 1pm - it's not really allowed, but there's a nice quadrangle to sit outside. I've been instructed to take strong coffee and a newspaper.

I've had my older daughter and three grandchildren around today, which passes the day quickly. The eldest is looking forward to school on Monday, then the older boy is doing really well potty training - stage 6, Oh Crap book, and the younger boy took his first steps. It's normal, grounding stuff.

I've been knitting and finished a blue cardigan this evening - I haven't been in Duttons since before the pandemic and have long since run out of beautiful buttons. I can spend far too long in that treasure chest shop, procrastinating. I still feel unable to go in as when there are more than two customers it's 'packed out'. So for about a year I have been using ordinary buttons. I once bought some very expensive Rowan wool for a jacket and then spent twice that amount on buttons for it. I have an antique tea caddy with a growing collection of beautiful buttons which my granddaughter likes to play with.

I thought for a while, this evening that I was maybe suffering from stress, as I could see movement out of the corner of my eye as I was sat watching tv and knitting. I was imagining spiders or even mice on the sofa. When in fact I did look, there was actually two jet black spiders scurrying in and out of my stuff (possibly involving some willy dangling over my knitting patterns). I will have to have a rummage for the old marigolds and dab a bit of disinfectant about. Unless I find my husband's soldering flame thingy and just set the spider dangled stuff on fire. If the scurrying buggers are that big now, they'll be donkey size by Autumn - no I didn't kill them, I flicked them onto the floor in order to have a hard surface so I could hit them with my slipper but they instantly disappeared into my dark tartan carpet that I regret choosing.

I will be occupied all day Monday, looking after the grandchildren, which will again pass the day quickly - waiting for hopefully a positive phone call from the hospital.

To think my husband is gravely ill at the wrong time?
OP posts:
LetitiaLeghorn · 24/04/2022 03:21

Aw, don't kill spiders. They're killing all the bad stuff that hangs around your house.

Good news that your husband is finally getting his operation. It's unbelievable that all this started in March and he still hasn't been treated. But at least once he's out of surgery, he can get on with healing and getting better. I know he has a lot ahead of him, but he has a lot of loving family supporting him so he will receive the best possible care.
Sending best wishes for Monday. I'll be thinking of you both.

Mumdiva99 · 24/04/2022 04:05

Blimey just read your full thread (I had a coffee at 8:30 followed by a glass of wine st 10:30 - so no sleep here). Your poor husband. Fingers crossed his surgery goes ahead Monday. Thinking of you all. Make sure you look after yourself and get rest. (If you need to not have the kids for a couple of days your daughters will sort something. Keep resting when you can as your husband will need your care when he's home.)

TheUnexpectedPickle · 24/04/2022 05:03

You're an absolute hero, your husband and family are lucky You're in their corner.

Absolute best of luck for your husband tomorrow. Please make sure you eat and drink enough. I've just caught up with your thread and we don't want any more fainting episodes for you!

Whooshaagh · 24/04/2022 05:07

Fingers crossed for Monday OP.
Hope it all goes well.

We used to have a Duttons in Ilkley, it was a tiny shop too. Loved a rummage in there.

Musicalmaestro · 24/04/2022 06:34

That’s a lovely cardigan OP. You are very talented.
Hope all goes well X

Bournetilly · 24/04/2022 07:59

So sorry OP, just read the whole thread, you sound really strong, you’ve been through so much.
I really hope your husbands surgery goes ahead tomorrow, it sounds like he self discharged the first time, please please try to stop him doing this again as the surgery will only get pushed back.
I will be thinking of you tomorrow.

Fraaahnces · 24/04/2022 08:12

Hi @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche me again. The one who was diagnosed with EDS at 48. The right branch bundle block is symptomatic of an aortic valve deformity. Please ensure that she requests an ultrasound to check that it’s okay. I suspect this is where her Dad’s aortic issues began. An undiagnosed bicuspid aortic valve leak can cause a stenosis, etc…. all symptomatic of EDS. GP’s seem to be reluctant to refer to cardiologists for vascular EDS if patients don’t “look” typical. (I certainly do not.)

I am sending you and your DH all the best for tomorrow. If you need someone to bounce off if you can’t sleep, I’m in Aus, so awake. I’ll be checking in on you both. You and your family are going through far more than you should have to endure. Here’s hoping this means a lifetime of good karma to come.

Mulhollandmagoo · 24/04/2022 08:28

This whole episode has dragged everyone down I suppose. But hopefully we'll regroup

you will regroup, you sound like a really strong, tight knit family who all rally around each other! You must be so stressed OP I can't even imagine. Sending you lots of love 💐
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pussycatlickinglollyices · 24/04/2022 08:44

Keep busy tomorrow @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche especially in the evening.
My dad had CABG (triple bypass) at 82, and his surgery took a lot longer than they anticipated - it was 2am the next day before we had a phonecall to say the surgery was complete and he was back on the ward.
Lovely knitting btw. I also have a jar full of pretty and expensive buttons, some quite old ones, my mum used to laugh/cry at how much I'd spend on replacements for a nice jacket. Grin

SouperNoodle · 24/04/2022 08:59

Let the spiders live! 🥹 I am absolutely petrified of them but I don't think anything should be killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Anyway, onto your husband! I'm so glad he's getting the surgery tomorrow! I hope it all goes smoothly xx

SouperNoodle · 24/04/2022 09:00

Let the spiders live! 🥹 I am absolutely petrified of them but I don't think anything should be killed for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Anyway, onto your husband! I'm so glad he's getting the surgery tomorrow! I hope it all goes smoothly xx

Innocenta · 24/04/2022 09:24

@Fraaahnces There's really no need to make things sound alarming for OP. A 'deformity' of the aortic valve isn't necessarily a big deal and can stay stable for decades. Her DD's doctors will know that they need to do an echocardiogram, that is completely standard and normal. Please don't increase OP's stress by making these things seem scary when they are largely totally livable with and fine. Her DCs obviously need checking out and may need monitoring in view of the family history, but bear in mind these major vascular events all turned up in much older people so it isn't likely to be an emergency or something to panic about x

pussycatlickinglollyices · 24/04/2022 09:26

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

TheRealHousewife · 24/04/2022 17:39

I too have a jar of lovely buttons @MyOtherCarIsAPorsche . Quite therapeutic to just go through them from time to time. The blue cardigan is stunning, you have such a talent! I bet you had a lovely little cuddle, chat and coffee in the quadrangle ❤️

MyOtherCarIsAPorsche · 25/04/2022 07:09

He's shaved and prepped. All set.

We sat for a couple of hours yesterday - it flew by in an instant.

OP posts:
StoneMap · 25/04/2022 07:14

Thinking of you today.

Matchingcollarandcuffs · 25/04/2022 07:15

Popping out the woodwork to wish him and you all the very best for today.

Take care of yourself

TheWitchwithNoName · 25/04/2022 07:16

I will be thinking of you today

Tereseta · 25/04/2022 07:43

Sitting here thinking of you all and sending support. Hope you have some real life support with you for the wait 💐

Xpologog · 25/04/2022 07:44

Thinking of you both today. Hope all goes well.

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