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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gender reveal to family

80 replies

treetop122 · 24/03/2022 20:33

I am 19 weeks pregnant with my third baby and plan to find out the gender at the next scan. I already have two sons (which we kept gender a surprise until born with both).

My SIL is due her first long awaited baby in the next few weeks and she doesn't know the gender.

Husbands family only have grandsons (we are currently on 6 grandsons) so everyone is hopeful that a girl might appear soon!

Also worth mentioning that no one on husbands side has ever found out the gender of baby before birth, so no gender reveals etc.

I told my husband I would like to wait until after SILs baby is born before we tell anyone the gender. I feel like if we were to have a girl and tell everyone, weeks before she gave birth to a girl would be stealing her thunder.
Husband says I'm being silly.

AIBU to tell family the gender of our third baby before the birth of SILs baby?

I am happy to wait! Husband is not!

Although I realise there are lots of ifs ands and buts to this AIBU..

If we were to have another boy, I wouldn't wait to tell everyone, because we have all boys anyway! We might not be able to find out sex at scan if I'm wrong position.. etc etc so all this could be a none issue..

So what would people do in my situation?

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Darbs76 · 24/03/2022 20:35

Yes I probably would for exact reasons you have said.

ChairCareOh · 24/03/2022 20:36

This reply has been deleted

Withdrawn at the user's request

toomuchlaundry · 24/03/2022 20:37

Why do you need to tell anyone when you didn’t with your other two?

BlackeyedSusan · 24/03/2022 20:38

Find out the sex if you want.

Clymene · 24/03/2022 20:38

Why would you tell anyone when you didn't with the others? Confused

AgathaTrunchbull1 · 24/03/2022 20:39

What has changed with your husband? You said you kept both other children a surprise until birth as is tradition in the family but now he wants to tell and to make sure he gets in and tell first before his SIL.

Ginandtonicbiatch · 24/03/2022 20:39

Just find out but surely you don't have to tell anyone. No one except you cares.

beenaroundtheblox · 24/03/2022 20:41

I think you're right but he's allowed to tell his family his news is he wants to.

Original poster
treetop122 · 24/03/2022 20:41

Sorry I probably wasn't clear.

We didn't find out the gender with my other two pregnancies.

We plan to find out this time as it is out last baby and I want to be more organised, plus husband has always wanted to know and I have never agreed and wanted the surprise.

I have a lot of boy baby clothes that I would want to get rid of before baby arrives if they are not needed!!

OP posts:
2tired2bewitty · 24/03/2022 20:42

We found out what dd2 was going to be for various boring practical reasons but then didn’t tell anyone that we knew and then enjoyed watching lots of people (FIL) confidently assert that it definitely looked like a boy bump this time, so you could do that.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 24/03/2022 20:42

I think you sound lovely, thoughtful and considerate to your sil

AgathaTrunchbull1 · 24/03/2022 20:44

@treetop122 but why is he so keen to make sure people know what your baby is before SIL has her baby? Lots of people I know have found out but kept it to themselves until baby arrived. It sounds a bit like he doesn’t want her to have the first girl / news about the first girl.

Clymene · 24/03/2022 20:46

No I wouldn't tell anyone. Let her have her moment.

JaninaDuszejko · 24/03/2022 20:47

My niece has two older brothers, she rocks a great mix of ultra feminine with ultra masculine clothes. Don't get rid of all your boys clothes whatever the sex.

More seriously you are absolutely right to not reveal the sex of your baby before your SILs child is born. I'd just not find out at the scan, they aren't 100% anyway.

Original poster
treetop122 · 24/03/2022 20:47

[quote AgathaTrunchbull1]@treetop122 but why is he so keen to make sure people know what your baby is before SIL has her baby? Lots of people I know have found out but kept it to themselves until baby arrived. It sounds a bit like he doesn’t want her to have the first girl / news about the first girl.[/quote]
I think he's just excited to share the news either way. And thinks it would be weird to know and not tell his family.

No race to have first girl!... in fact I am more than happy to have another boy!
No desperation on our part for a girl.

OP posts:
TimeForTeaAndG · 24/03/2022 20:47

Given the cost of living increasing I would just be reusing all the stuff regardless of sex. Surely everything is basically babygros and vests etc for the first few months anyway.

Just to say - the younger sibling of my ex was a girl...right up until he was born and they realised everything had been tucked in at the scan!

5128gap · 24/03/2022 20:47

@EnjoyingTheSilence

I think you sound lovely, thoughtful and considerate to your sil
I agree with this. I opened the thread expecting to see the type of petty competitiveness so often directed at in laws, yet it couldn't be more different. I think its a lovely thought and if you're happy to do it, do!
Original poster
treetop122 · 24/03/2022 20:51

@TimeForTeaAndG

Given the cost of living increasing I would just be reusing all the stuff regardless of sex. Surely everything is basically babygros and vests etc for the first few months anyway.

Just to say - the younger sibling of my ex was a girl...right up until he was born and they realised everything had been tucked in at the scan!

Yes I have a friend that was told the wrong gender last year!!

And yes I don't plan to simply get rid of all clothes...
I have all neutral newborn and early sizes as didn't know with my other two..:
I would be considerate with my organisation but my attic can't take all of the storage! And it's not going up there again!!

It just fills me with dread being surrounded by vacuum bags of clothes, two children and a newborn, so I would like to know this time of possible.

OP posts:
Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 24/03/2022 20:52

After 5 ds's in a row I was told a dd.
A well endowed ds arrived. I had multiple scans for bladder issues and no reason to doubt!!
Wait until your dc arrives op!!

musicalfrog · 24/03/2022 20:55

I thought you were going to reveal your own gender until I opened the thread 😄

Original poster
treetop122 · 24/03/2022 20:57

@musicalfrog

I thought you were going to reveal your own gender until I opened the thread 😄
Sorry this is my first post!.. I don't think I am very good at it! Title probably doesn't capture the content very well!
OP posts:
anonanonanon123 · 24/03/2022 20:57

I personally wouldn't hold off for someone else if you want to find out and want to share the news with family, I don't think it really matters. It's not your fault your SIL doesn't want to know sex before hand. Maybe a big reveal party might be a bit off but if you want to get a scan find out then not keep it a secret from family then I don't see why you shouldn't.

Lillith111 · 24/03/2022 20:57

I don’t think you should treat children differently on the basis of sex (clothes, toys or behaviour). You sound considerate to think about your Sil

Myee · 24/03/2022 20:59

Congratulations and hope all goes well. You will of course be revealing the "Sex" of your baby not the gender.

It is only called "gender" reveal, because Americans (where it all started) are so repressed they cannot use the word "sex" in family situations. True fact.

Best of luck and you do sound very kind and considerate. That will stand by you.

Original poster
treetop122 · 24/03/2022 21:00

Thank you everyone...

I think I can conclude that I am right to feel like I should wait...

If husband doesn't agree to keep the news quiet then maybe we should not find out in advance...

As others have said, it's not always accurate!

Plus I am finding the thought of potentially adding a girl to the mix quite difficult (I'm not sure why!)...

But no room for wobbles when baby is actually here, you're just happy they are healthy! So it might be better for us to wait again anyway!

OP posts: