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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Gender reveal to family

80 replies

treetop122 · 24/03/2022 20:33

I am 19 weeks pregnant with my third baby and plan to find out the gender at the next scan. I already have two sons (which we kept gender a surprise until born with both).

My SIL is due her first long awaited baby in the next few weeks and she doesn't know the gender.

Husbands family only have grandsons (we are currently on 6 grandsons) so everyone is hopeful that a girl might appear soon!

Also worth mentioning that no one on husbands side has ever found out the gender of baby before birth, so no gender reveals etc.

I told my husband I would like to wait until after SILs baby is born before we tell anyone the gender. I feel like if we were to have a girl and tell everyone, weeks before she gave birth to a girl would be stealing her thunder.
Husband says I'm being silly.

AIBU to tell family the gender of our third baby before the birth of SILs baby?

I am happy to wait! Husband is not!

Although I realise there are lots of ifs ands and buts to this AIBU..

If we were to have another boy, I wouldn't wait to tell everyone, because we have all boys anyway! We might not be able to find out sex at scan if I'm wrong position.. etc etc so all this could be a none issue..

So what would people do in my situation?

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Thumpkin · 24/03/2022 22:11

Sex, not gender. Gender is a social construct.

HappyMiddleChild · 24/03/2022 22:16

Some people will presume you want a girl as you have boys already. Their comments will irritate you guaranteed. For this reason I wouldn’t find out. But it’s your pregnancy, your choice. Whatever you decide they’re lucky to be loved and have their big brothers. Best of luck Flowers

Lorw · 24/03/2022 22:57

You’re very thoughtful OP Flowers

HELLITHURT · 25/03/2022 02:53

@treetop122

Sorry I probably wasn't clear.

We didn't find out the gender with my other two pregnancies.

We plan to find out this time as it is out last baby and I want to be more organised, plus husband has always wanted to know and I have never agreed and wanted the surprise.

I have a lot of boy baby clothes that I would want to get rid of before baby arrives if they are not needed!!

How will knowing the sec make you more organised?

You've surely got everything you need if you're on your third? If it's a girl you'll get plenty of girly clothes as gifts.

HELLITHURT · 25/03/2022 02:56

Tbh it sounds like your DH wants to steal the thunder of SIL if it is a girl.

You know we're having a girl, SIL then has a girl but of course she's one of two DGD as you've already announced yours.

Why suddenly for the third?

Josette77 · 25/03/2022 03:12

I think you are kind and considerate. You sil is lucky to have you. 💗
I think you should wait.

Soangrywithmyself · 25/03/2022 03:18

@treetop122

I am 19 weeks pregnant with my third baby and plan to find out the gender at the next scan. I already have two sons (which we kept gender a surprise until born with both).

My SIL is due her first long awaited baby in the next few weeks and she doesn't know the gender.

Husbands family only have grandsons (we are currently on 6 grandsons) so everyone is hopeful that a girl might appear soon!

Also worth mentioning that no one on husbands side has ever found out the gender of baby before birth, so no gender reveals etc.

I told my husband I would like to wait until after SILs baby is born before we tell anyone the gender. I feel like if we were to have a girl and tell everyone, weeks before she gave birth to a girl would be stealing her thunder.
Husband says I'm being silly.

AIBU to tell family the gender of our third baby before the birth of SILs baby?

I am happy to wait! Husband is not!

Although I realise there are lots of ifs ands and buts to this AIBU..

If we were to have another boy, I wouldn't wait to tell everyone, because we have all boys anyway! We might not be able to find out sex at scan if I'm wrong position.. etc etc so all this could be a none issue..

So what would people do in my situation?

Thanks in advance

Nothing to add but just wanted to say that you sound lovely and very thoughtful. Congratulations and best wishes to you and your sil. Flowers
BirdWatch · 25/03/2022 04:33

You're thoughtful, and I would wait until Dil births too.

BirdWatch · 25/03/2022 04:35

I see we all agree how nice you are OP! A nice change from many in laws dilemmas often people have.

Joystir59 · 25/03/2022 04:42

Sex reveal

RonaldMcDonald · 25/03/2022 04:56

Also thought it was revealing the sex of the child

mnnewbie111 · 25/03/2022 04:59

@internetpersonme but that's simply not true, like she's already said in the OP. Gawd why do some people have to speak so horribly for no reason

VashtaNerada · 25/03/2022 05:00

This is all sounds a big fuss over nothing. The baby’s sex doesn’t determine their future or their personality. As for clothes, DS wore DD’s hand-me-downs for the first few weeks and survived to tell the tale!

homeedregret · 25/03/2022 05:51

I don't really get this 'stealing thunder' thing tbh. Even if OP announces tomorrow its a girl, her baby isn't even here to steal anything. If SIL has a girl she will be the first girl. Do what you want OP.

Original poster
treetop122 · 25/03/2022 05:52

Thank you everyone for you kind comments.

SIL and family have waited for this baby for so long, everyone is so excited for her.

I think by baby number 3 for us.. it's not such big news! We are of course excited but focus is firmly on SIL (which is fine by me!)

Thanks to those saying I'm kind and considerate. Although I think I'm just being cautious and letting SIL have her moment which she and everyone has waited so long for.

To the comments asking why find out.. lots of people find out during pregnancy. This time I thought it would help me to better prepare and prepare my children before arrival. Also a different experience to other two pregnancies and nice to try the other way.

I will go back to DH and be firmer with my thoughts to either keep quiet or not tell until after.

You have all confirmed that I'm right to have thought the way I did and it's not silly.

Thanks everyone... you have been very helpful!

OP posts:
Hesma · 25/03/2022 06:06

I think you’re right, if it’s a girl and you take all the glory she may well be upset, it’s the kind of thing you’d see as an AIBU right here. Either way, good luck OP

RedRobin100 · 25/03/2022 06:10

Waiting to tell everyone until SiL baby is here sounds kind and considerate - do that.

Daffodilis · 25/03/2022 06:10

@musicalfrog

I thought you were going to reveal your own gender until I opened the thread 😄
I can actually see that becoming a thing Grin
Holly60 · 25/03/2022 06:30

I think you are right to wait. Could you afford a private gender scan after your 20 week? I think you can get them relatively inexpensively and they tend to be more certain about the gender too.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 25/03/2022 11:37

I think a gender reveal (if you mean bursting a balloon of pink or blue confetti) is a bit cringey and pointless. The scan is often incorrect so even if it looks like a girl, she may become a boy by birth.
If it’s another boy why would you bother with a gender reveal if you have 2 boys already? Sorry I just don’t get it.

I’d just tell relatives ‘seems to be a boy/girl but they can never be sure from a scan so let’s wait and see’. The only sure way to know is if you have the Harmony test or similar.

Iwantmyoldnameback · 25/03/2022 12:39

I think you are a lovely, kind, considerate person and I totally understand everything you have posted. I hope both you and your sil have safe and easy confinements and bonnie healthy babies. X

CurbsideProphet · 25/03/2022 13:10

I'm pregnant after a lot of heartache and IVF. I think it's lovely you're being so sensitive to your SIL's pregnancy and that you're reminding your DH to do the same.

User839516 · 25/03/2022 13:11

I think you sound kind and thoughtful to wait until a bit after your SIL’s baby has arrived. That’s what I would do in your situation (which in some ways I am - pregnant with 3rd DC and have two DDs already). You could always not find out the gender until after her baby is born and that way your DH won’t have a secret to keep.

Darkstar4855 · 25/03/2022 13:34

Why don’t you just ask your SIL what she wants you to do?

Marvellousmadness · 25/03/2022 14:04

Gender reveals are the worst.
No one cares about them.
And even if it is a girl, they might hate all the stereotypical gendered nonsense such as ballet and pink and glitter and dresses.

Don't hope for a girl
Hope for a healthy kid.

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