Is this amount of compensation for distress reasonable?

[Wotagain]

My Darling husband died suddenly just over 5 weeks ago.
As the executor I had to contact our bank, First Direct about our joint accounts, and then of course send them the interim death certificate proving he had died. ( it’s an interim one as there will be an inquest).
This was all done within a few days and immediately after myself receiving the interim death certificate from the coroners office.
Two weeks later I received a letter from First Direct, addressed to the executor of Wotagain’s estate, sending their condolences on my death and asking for my death certificate.
To say I was upset is a complete understatement, I was devastated, tearful, shaking, and then really, really angry.
My view is the bereavement team at First Direct had one job, to get the name and details of the deceased person right first time, and not send such a letter to a widow numb with grief.

AIBU to ask for £500 as compensation for this distress?

First Direct have offered me £150 which amounts to just over 1p per day for the years that my husband and I banked with them.

When my daughter was born the (broadsheet, quality) newspaper put her birth announcement under Deaths instead of Births.

They sent me a bunch of flowers and said sorry. I was obviously pretty hormonal at the time and was very upset, but it was a genuine mistake, they were sorry, they apologised. End of.

I actually think mistakenly asking for your death certificate is much less upsetting than companies insisting on speaking to the deceased - which is much more common.

I agree.

I’ve been bereaved several times and wanting £500 for an admin error seems really excessive. Presumably you know damn fine that you’re not dead so I’m surprised you found that so distressing?

@LosingTheWill2022

The bereavement team have one job - just one job and they fucked up really badly Do you honestly believe that the bereavement team does nothing other than update a database with the name of the deceased?

No, they obviously have lots of admin jobs involving bereavement and in doing so they need to make doubly sure that mistakes like this don't happen!

Sometimes in grief we lash out, or fix on something relatively trivial (compared to the loss itself) on which to focus our grief. Do you think that might be the case here?

Ultimately if you think it will help, go for it. But if they say no, will it make you feel worse? And is fighting this going to help, or use up precious energy?

I wonder if Mark Twain tried to get compensation 🤔

Anyway, the bereavement team absolutely need to get it right. But expecting £500 compensation is, frankly, disproportionate. I hate this culture of expecting financial recompense when an apology should suffice.

What are you going to do with the money OP? Personally I think £150 is reasonable - I can understand you're upset but you are making no allowances here for staff who may be under pressure because they are short-staffed because of Covid, or whatever. To me you are coming across as a bit grabby.

[quote Wotagain]@MrsCat1
Were you written to, or was your mother written to telling her she had died and asked to send her death certificate when dealing with your father’s estate?

I repeat this is not about letters addressed to my late husband, this was one sent to me, telling me I had died and they needed my death certificate.[/quote]
And you want £500 for that?

I'd take the £150 tbh I'm surprised they offered that much.

It's going to be far more grief and upset to challenge it

I've worked in bereavement centres before I found it very difficult. I was constantly in tears because it's such an emotional job. One of the reasons I left. I tried very hard not to make mistakes but it does happen and I found the environment where the consequences for being human meant a lot of suffering for everyone very difficult to manage. I've moved on to pastures new but it is a difficult job if you are an empath.

I wish you well OP and you have my deepest sympathy.

@girlmom21

I actually think mistakenly asking for your death certificate is much less upsetting than companies insisting on speaking to the deceased - which is much more common.

Second this.

I have a fairly macabre sense of humour so would find it funny that they had written to me to tell me I was dead.

I’m sorry for your loss but I think you’re projecting your feelings of grief on what is simply a clerical error.

I've lost relatives very suddenly, the circumstances of one death in particular was traumatic and 5 weeks later, I still felt like I'd been hit by a car. Can't imagine I'd have had the energy to be squabbling with a bank over an honest (if stupid) mistake.

I'd take the £150 and try to draw a line under it. You've got enough on your plate to deal with.

I understand how painful t hi s is for you . But arguing with them over compensation will not make you feel any better and will just extend the pain their mistake caused you . Nothing especially money will make you feel better . And they are an institution so even paying you £500 is nothing to them . But send them a letter/email so hopefully that person is more careful in future

OP, might I suggest you either hide this thread, or ask for it to be deleted?

You've had many responses, so I don't think that further posts will help you. In fact, I expect that some posts are upsetting you even more (albeit unintentionally).

What is making you ask for £500 rather than something more or less?

I am really sorry for your loss, I can imagine that this is very distressing and not what you need right now.

My dad had the same, he had to make numerous calls to prove that he was alive and his wife had passed away. I ended up dealing with it because it got too much for him.

Two weeks later I received a letter from First Direct, addressed to the executor of Wotagain’s estate, sending their condolences on my death and asking for my death certificate.

What exactly did the letter say?

"Dear Mrs Wotagain,

We are sorry to hear of your recent demise. Please send us a copy of your death certificate when you get a minute.

Sincerely,

Very Stupid @ First Direct"

Was that it? That would probably make me laugh at the idiocy of it.

I would be wanting to know how they are changing procedure to stop this happening again. Not bargaining for more money

@Hankunamatata

I would be wanting to know how they are changing procedure to stop this happening again. Not bargaining for more money

This 100% the money is irrelevant.

Sorry for your loss

They literally pressed the wrong name on the screen. It's a human error.
I'm so sorry for your loss. £150 Is generous for such a simple mistake, and I think you need to let it go now.

The exact same thing happened to my mum, it actually made us all giggle for the first time in weeks. A silly mistake, funny because she was obviously very much alive. I agree asking to speak with the deceased would be traumatic. Yabu

My bank made a total hash of my accounts when my wife died. First they froze the accounts and we only had joint accounts so I had no access to any money. Then they took just over a year to sort out my children's accounts as my wife was the named adult on them and they kept requesting the will and death cert which they got on three separate occasions. I hope you navigate this tricky time as well as you can.

Ah, that's really shit. They only had one job to do, and you'd think they'd double check such an emotive letter to make sure it was right...

I know how you feel: it's just the last straw, isn't it? You will have loads on your plate at the moment. I'd accept the £150 and move on.

I'm so sorry for your loss. 💐

Again, for those hard of reading and comprehension skills:
My husband died
I sent the requisite information confirming his death
The bank contacted me, sending condolences that I had died, and asking for my death certificate
I couldn’t see anything laughable in this scenario
My ‘grabby’ sense of humour failed to come into play, you know, what with being recently bereaved and all that
It is not about the money, it’s the rather awful failure to check basic information and do one job properly

But my arse has been handed to me, and according to MN, IABU for expecting people, I mean a massive international profitable financial institution, to do their one job properly when dealing with customers at the worst time in their life

@Hankunamatata

I would be wanting to know how they are changing procedure to stop this happening again. Not bargaining for more money

Yes, and I will ask to speak to the team about this. They can pay me a consultancy fee

But my arse has been handed to me, and according to MN, IABU for expecting people, I mean a massive international profitable financial institution, to do their one job properly when dealing with customers at the worst time in their life

Except that’s not what people are saying. They’re saying that £500 won’t change it any more than £150 will. And £500 won’t hurt them any more than £150 will. I’d want a genuine apology. The money is irrelevant.