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Original poster

Can i ask is your older sister bossy

118 replies

PeterandSandy · 24/03/2022 14:50

For those that have an older sister is she bossy? Mine is and controlling and i noticed someone on here having a problem with their older sister the other day.

So can i ask is your older sister bossy and how do you manage. I find it difficult to manage my sister at times.

OP posts:
ChiefAdjusterOfRubensShorts · 25/03/2022 07:11

I’m the oldest sister and I’m not bossy at all!

According to DF and DH if I was any more laid back I’d be asleep.

The youngest sisters are the bossiest in my family!

crimewatcher · 25/03/2022 07:12

This makes me laugh as DH I think it's hilarious how bossy our daughter who is 12 is towards her older 18yr old brother. I am a middle girl myself and I'm so bossy. I know I am. So I think this is just a personality trait rather than being older or not.

GodspeedJune · 25/03/2022 07:44

@Marsmon

My younger sister would definitely call me bossy. It’s one of those unpleasant words that only gets used towards women though. I prefer assertive, and when I see my younger dsis being assertive it makes me v. proud.

You forgot 'leadership skills'... Being assertive without respect or consideration for other humans is bossiness. It's an unpleasant word because it's an unpleasant trait.

Who said I was talking about being assertive without respect or consideration @Marsmon ? Strange comment.

There’s plenty of occasions where assertiveness is called for without being synonymous with leadership, like speaking up for yourself if you aren’t being treated properly or fairly.

DarlingDarwin · 25/03/2022 07:47

I don’t really like the term “bossy” as it’s inherently sexist. However, I am an older sister, and I’m definitely labelled as bossy by my brothers, but they also leave everything to me, and when I don’t organise stuff I get texts the night before events asking “what did we buy mum for her birthday?” “What time are we going for dinner, did you book?”. And im blamed by them if things aren’t organised. One of them is married now and that has helped and she has taken some of the burden.

MangoM · 25/03/2022 07:49

@Bobodebo

Yes! Also my DH’s older sister. Whatever they decide goes in our respective families. They hold a lot of power and it’s so annoying.

Are you mainly friends with 2nd and 3rd borns by any chance? We realised our large group of close friends is all 2nd/3rd borns except for 1 (bossy!) person. And hardly any of the 2nd/ 3rd borns are married to 1st borns. It seems to be true for our elder sisters too and acquaintances. There must be something in it?

It's absolutely the same here. My older sister is married to a 1st born and both of them seem to think they know better than their younger siblings for absolutely everything. Sister is so invested in criticising me that my husband jokes that she's like another mother in law.

She bombarded me constantly with irrelevant advice throughout my first pregnancy and when DS was a baby which I mostly ignored. I felt immense joy when she did her first visit after lockdown and luckily toddler DS was having one of his good days and was an absolute joy to be around. She hasn't offered any parenting advice since then Grin.

It's also the same here with friends. Most of us are 2nd and 3rd borns and married to the same. Only one 1st born amongst us and she's the most bossiest of us all!

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 25/03/2022 07:55

Yes but not as bad as she used to be. Funnily enough though most of my friends are older sisters so l wobder why l gravitate towards then....#notallsistersarelikethat!!!

WildCoasts · 25/03/2022 08:39

I'm an older sister. Yes, as a child I was a bit bossy of my younger sibling. I was given a lot of responsibility and expectation to keep them safe and look after them. So of course I was bossy, as the one expected to be older and wiser and keep them safe, I had to give instructions. That didn't last into the teen years and now we're very even.

ComeSailAway · 25/03/2022 09:41

Yes! I am so used to it I don't walways notice anymore but when she visited me and met my friends they were shocked at howshe speaks to me. Sister even told my friend she couldn't order Pad Thai in a restaurant (because we were sharing dishes and sis didn't want to eat that).

When I do notice now I either ignore her command, make a joke ("Oui Mon Capitaine!" or something like that) or ask what her last slave died of.

Makeitsoso · 25/03/2022 09:44

I’m an older sister. I’m definitely bossy but try my absolute hardest to reign it in. In my case it comes from a place of wanting the best for my sibling and them having very laid back personality.
I really do try not to be bossy…. But fail sometimes Blush

SwearyMaclary · 25/03/2022 09:53

Bossy is such an undermining, anti-feminist word. Perhaps if we valued it more as being assertive, having good leadership skills and being able to organise people there wouldn’t be so many of us having to work for grey-haired white men.

Mumoblue · 25/03/2022 09:59

My oldest sister isn't bossy. I used to think she was, when I was a kid and she was telling me to do things I didn’t want to do. But as an adult I realise what I saw as “bossiness” was just her being a parentified child and my parents essentially outsourcing responsibility to her.
Even now she’s more like an extra parent to me sometimes, but in a good way.

Whiskeypowers · 25/03/2022 10:33

My younger sister would make bossy look laid back

incognitoforthisone · 25/03/2022 10:42

My older sister can be somewhat bossy with some people, but she isn't bossy with me because she knows it doesn't work.

I love her dearly but we are very, very different in character. She's very emotionally expressive and impulsive and her heart rules her head. I am the polar opposite of that and she finds that quite difficult, I think. We get on OK in small doses, and we actually have lots of interests in common and broadly similar values etc. But our personalities are sooooo different.

Iwouldlikesomecake · 25/03/2022 11:12

I’m an older sister and used to get called bossy but now I’m older I’m told it’s so great that I’m assertive Hmm

But what people don’t realise is: as the eldest I was always expected to be perfect and do well, not allowed to make mistakes (whereas the younger ones it was ok because ‘they are only little/younger’). Expected to set an example and to look out for the others. And still to this day it will be ‘oh this family upsetting thing is happening, Cake will deal with it’ as if I don’t get upset but my siblings are allowed to opt out.

I think this is often a dynamic that happens and sometimes it is quite subtle. We aren’t a ‘golden child/scapegoat’ family and this dynamic still exists. So for people with ‘bossy siblings’ some of them will just be twats but some of them may be suffering under expectations that you don’t get made aware of because it’s not done in front of you. My siblings had no idea till I spelled it out that no I wasn’t totally fine shouldering all the burden but I felt duty bound to do what I could, particularly as they made it clear they wouldn’t because it was ‘too sad’.

A580Hojas · 25/03/2022 11:14

I don't have one. I have an older brother and he has a tendency to be bossy, I am sure quite subconsciously. I gently don't let him get away with it.

Superhanz · 25/03/2022 11:17

No, not at all. I really think it comes down to personality type. If you'd have been born first you'd have a bossy younger sister.

PinkSyCo · 25/03/2022 17:30

Yes my older sister’s bossy, but worse is the fact that she’s a complete know-it-all and can’t handle it when you argue the facts with her and prove her wrong. We clash a lot more since I got older and learned to assert myself, which is a shame because in other ways we get on really well, have similar sense of humours and so have a right laugh when we get together.

doadeer · 25/03/2022 17:33

No mine isn't at all

lanbro · 25/03/2022 17:36

My younger sister is the bossy one, she's demanding and inflexible but also fiercely loyal and loving...sometimes she is infuriating but we were the best of friends!

Her and my df are very similar, dm and I are much more laid back and go with flow - dm and I often talk about it and congratulate ourselves on putting up with themGrin

yoyo1234 · 25/03/2022 17:37

Yes, I certainly find her very bossy (to me and the rest of the family) and at times consider NC.

moonbedazzled · 25/03/2022 17:42

@WeAreTheHeroes

I'm an older sister and definitely bossy. So bossy in fact I am answering for my younger sister Grin
Hey, you're not my big sister are you? 😂
WanderingFruitWonderer · 25/03/2022 17:46

I'm a middle one. Older brother, younger sister.
I've got a wonderful relationship with my sister. She's one of the kindest, most emotionally intelligent, empathetic people in the world. I feel sad when I read of sisters not getting on. I adore mine so much. I don't think either of us are bossy. But she's definitely more sensible! Everyone thinks she's older than me, and I think she's probably an older soul! I'm definitely the somewhat whacky, non-conformist maverick of the family! But that's fine. Takes all sorts... Smile

moonbedazzled · 25/03/2022 17:48

@persister. Your post made me tear up. 😥 My sister and I are in our 60s and she is bossier than all the bossy sisters on here put together. But I love her so, so much and the thought of her not being around is too painful to think about. I am so sorry for your loss. But we're so lucky aren't we to have had them in our lives. (I will deny to my death ever saying this! Lol.)

hiredandsqueak · 25/03/2022 17:49

I'm an older sister, I wouldn't say I was bossy but that's more because I don't really like my siblings so have little contact with them.
For my dd1 she is incredibly bossy, she blames it on having three brothers, I found it quite entertaining when she was small to watch her older brothers meekly doing her bidding. In Primary she could stop the naughty boys in their tracks with a look which used to impress her teacher.

tirednewmumm · 25/03/2022 18:40

I was certainly a bossy and older sister as a child. I partly blame my parents for constantly telling me I was responsible for my younger siblings being good Hmm
Not as an adult though we're all equals now!