Can i ask is your older sister bossy

[PeterandSandy]

For those that have an older sister is she bossy? Mine is and controlling and i noticed someone on here having a problem with their older sister the other day.

So can i ask is your older sister bossy and how do you manage. I find it difficult to manage my sister at times.

Mine is definitely bossy. Always has been. Our nickname for her was "the duchess". I get along now with her since we all moved out long time ago and live separately not under one roof. She's invited me and my brother to hers in the summer for a get together. We all get along brilliantly now. However she still remains the bossy eldest, me the moody middlest, and brother the younger twat

I don't see her much, maybe once or twice a year. See my brother all the time though as he lives a lot closer.

My oldest sister could be quite bossy. The middle sister is a real puppy dog. As the youngest, I'm fairly assertive. We also have two brothers. One is the "quiet" one of the family but when he speaks we listen.

I also have a bossy SIL (DH's brother's wife) who bosses us all and mothers me and DH, even though we're nearly 60 She is lovely though.

I'm a middle sister of several siblings. None of us were bossy but older sister resented me horribly when we were kids. Dh big sis is quite bossy and controlling. (She's still bleaching her groceries though so we just humour her).

No, she isn't, but I wish she had more balls.

Bossy and horrible. I try to keep my distance.

My younger sister often interprets why helpful guidances as bossiness. This is just because my extra two years give me wisdom that she does not yet understand

My younger sister would definitely call me bossy. It’s one of those unpleasant words that only gets used towards women though. I prefer assertive, and when I see my younger dsis being assertive it makes me v. proud.

No, she is lovely.
My youngest Dsis is very bossy.

She's not bossy as such but I'm laid back and she isn't, so she'll sometimes tell me what yo do. Always with love though, she's fantastic.

My younger sister would definitely call me bossy. It’s one of those unpleasant words that only gets used towards women though. I prefer assertive, and when I see my younger dsis being assertive it makes me v. proud.

You forgot 'leadership skills'... Being assertive without respect or consideration for other humans is bossiness. It's an unpleasant word because it's an unpleasant trait.

Yes she is very bossy. She is also assertive. But she is definitely bossy.

My DH is an eldest and he is also both of these things at different times.

Luckily I am quite laid back although I had no choice but to be!

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

Are older bothers bossy too or is it just sisters? Probably not, brothers are probably assertive.

No doubt I will be called joyless but this is one of my pet hates, bossy is one of those words usually used against women in a pejorative sense, like nagging. Men are assertive and firm and focused, women are bossy and rude and nagging.

I have to saying having grown up with both older brothers and sisters (eldest being the brother), an older sister sibling is uniquely bossy

It's not necessarily a bad thing but is likely a result of social conditioning. Older sisters are usually treated like mother's little helpers from a young age and have higher responsibility placed on them by their parents than a boy child. Older brothers are allowed to be children for longer, and are less likely to be told they are responsible for their younger siblings.

There's also that old saying (teach the boy, teach the man, teach the girl, teach the family) - I think girls in general are more likely to share the skills and knowledge they have with their younger siblings which can be interpreted as being bossy.

@persister what a beautiful relationship you and your sister had. I am sorry for your loss.

Nope, my older sister isn't, I am bossier than her. I have 2 dds and the younger one is the bossier one

I'm older sister and not bossy. At all. We connect yearly at best. No judgement no bossing.

My younger sister constantly "borrowed" my things (clothes, jewelry, boyfriends).

At this stage in our lives, we just live and let live. Contact is yearly. CIA text. And it's ok.

Our youngest sister is definitely the bossiest

I'm the elder sister. I suppose I might have been a bit bossy at times when I was a child, but I wouldn't dream of bossing my sister as an adult. I might offer advice when asked, but that's it!

I'm an older sister and at times I have to consciously try not to be bossy! I have to remember my sibling is an adult and doesn't need my advice unless it's asked for. It's just been ingrained in our relationship since birth so sometimes a hard habit to break!

Mine is six years older and can be awful to me. She comes to visit and in past I have tried to make her welcome - made sure she had her own room, towels etc I even cleared a space in fridge ( she refuses to eat our food as she will only buy from organic independent shops. we have three kids we shop at Aldi!!) she had a go at me saying I'm so needy trying to please her all the time. She was horrible to me when our mum died taking over everything and not letting me have an opinion. We weren't close growing up on partly due to age gap and partly because we are not a close family. We have booked a holiday and she is put out because she's planning on visiting (she never said just assumed it would be ok)

@TibetanTerrah

I'm the older sister. Mine would say I'm bossy, I would say she's the most stubborn and demanding person I've ever met. Dictates where we go out for a meal, where we go on a day out, what we do... any "well what does everyone else want to do, shall we take a vote" and I'm immediately called difficult and causing an argument, and yes, bossy and controlling.

Amazingly, I'm super laid back with everyone else to the point its probably annoying. "Where do you want to eat? I don't mind, do you fancy something in particular?"

We don't speak much.

So interesting to me this post as it's the exactly the same here - apart from not speaking much, we do generally get on ok as I bite my tongue a lot/ignore her pointless manufactured drama which has built a good feedback loop where she usually now doesn't bother to bring it to me in the first place as she doesn't get the reaction she wants. She takes it all to our brother and parents instead as they will all fuss over her. We have a brother in between us who is not like either of us hah, I wouldn't say he is 'chilled' as he's not, but in terms of family stuff he is easy going and he's always been quiet and a real softie and introvert. Me and him are very close though despite our very different personalities, whereas neither of us are particularly close to the youngest.

@ParisLondonTokyoSlough thank you so much. I'm very lucky to have has such a wonderful relationship with my sister and I miss her every minute of every day.

Just realised that I didnt really answer your question @PeterandSandy, sorry.

I manage it as I always have, by nodding, smiling and doing my own thing. So her current thing is that young adult children need to be given a car to take to university. That's what she's done for her own son, it's not something I have any intention of doing for mine. Laugh, nod and carry on.

She's a bit bossy and interrupts ALL THE TIME when I'm talking. But I love her very much.

I’m the eldest and I’ve been told I’m bossy. I can’t help it if I’m more practical by nature and always know what’s right
I get on with my siblings and changed my ways when my younger sister pointed it out to me. I was really embarrassed to be called bossy.
Like TebetanaTerrah, I’m also very laid back and don’t mind about things like where we go to eat so if someone else has a preference, I’m happy with that. My decisive sister usually dictates and I’m the bossy one! I think my bossiness was more about life in general.

Yes she was worst when we were both teenagers though and mellowed a bit when she moved out. I remember having to tell her a few times she isn't my mother though! Just got to stand up for yourself a bit