To ask whether you agree with the ‘2 year rule’ for engagement

[EstelleGP]

Recently I’ve been hearing a lot both on social media and from friends about a supposed ‘2 year rule’ for getting engaged. I’m not sure if it’s a new thing but if it’s not, it’s the first I’ve heard of it?!

Basically it’s considered that two years together in a serious relationship should be enough time to establish whether or not you want to commit to being with that person and getting married and if no such sign of commitment is forthcoming at that stage i.e. engagement, it’s time to walk away.

I’ve had a number of friends and family members who were lead on for years with partners who promised they wanted to commit but “just needed more time” or allegedly were totally against marriage yet later ended the relationship and almost immediately married their next partner, so I have to say I can see some logic in this though of course every relationship is different and there’s no blanket rule which fits everyone’s circumstances. AIBU?

I’m interested to know what everyone thinks?!

I've not thought about it before but I think that if you're in your 20's upwards then this seems to be a good length of time to know if you want to be engaged or live with someone.

Basically it’s considered that two years together in a serious relationship should be enough time to establish whether or not you want to commit to being with that person and getting married and if no such sign of commitment is forthcoming at that stage i.e. engagement, it’s time to walk away.

Engagement doesn't seem to be a form of commitment these days - or at least, people seem to be engaged for ever with no sign of getting married.

It's each to his own I think - you'll know if you want to get married, and should be able to have an open conversation about it with your partner, and make a judgment from there.

Is this ‘rule’ from the same book as the one which says you can’t wear red to a wedding?

Sounds like the same sort of thing.

Never heard of it. Load of made-up rubbish. Like, 'Oh you should move in together after 18 months' or 'If he hasn't asked you after three years you should walk'.

Absolute bollox from people who think Hello magazine is the bible.

Load of bollocks.

I think if you’re need a “rule” to decide the outcome of your relationship your not mature enough to get married.

I think I'd have been a bit young at 18 personally! Rules like this are silly, everyone has different circumstances and there is no 'right' way of doing things that is suitable for everyone.

The man I married after being together for 5 years was an arse who broke my heart. My husband and I met and married in less than a year and still together. He is my soul mate for sure.

I think two years is long enough to decide whether you want a future with someone, but that doesn’t necessarily mean getting engaged.

The speed at which some people move in together or get engaged/married sets my teeth on edge, though. Sooner than a year is frightening. Two years is just about reasonable. (I waited eight years before moving in together, then another four before marriage, and then another four before having children )

No, I don't think so - when you know, you know so may as well crack on IMO. We met, got engaged and were married all in less than 8 months. We're still very happy 46 years later.

I don't think it's a time limit, but more what else is going on in the relationship. If you are living together, rented or mortgage, and/or have kids, then really you've had enough time to decide you don't want to be with them.

If you've bought a house, had kids and you're still getting no proposal despite wanting one, then it probably ain't coming.

2 years could be enough, downswing on other life events.

Children, living together, career changes.

My DP proposed to me after 6 years together, 3 months after having our first child.
Having a baby together was really hard work; we’re both worlds apart from eachother in the way we were brought up as kids op, and how are families are (DP openly says to me his family are quite ‘common’ while mine aren’t) so having a baby together meant we really had to work together to get on the same page on how to raise our children. I don’t think I would have said yes if we couldn’t agree or compromise on our parenting choices.

I know that traditionally you’re meant to get married after children ect. But I’m glad we’ve done it all very backwards as it’s given us the time and bigger challenges/life events we need to put our relationship to the test.

By the time we actually get married (booked wedding way in advance) we’ll have been together a decade 😂

Who makes these 'rules' up?

I thought the rule was that you should be married within 2 years of your engagement?

Regardless, it's silly. People do things on their own timeline. I do think that you should both be in agreement where the relationship is headed though. There's always plenty of posts on here from women with partners who are stringing them along that they'll marry them.

Utter crap. From a divorced person's perspective (who got married after 7 years) two years is nothing. I have been with my current partner for dead on two years - he's brilliant and we live together but no way would I consider us ready for marriage - besides, what actually is the point other than legal ramifications? Not sure i'll ever bother again to be honest.

But you can be engaged for ever.

I think it depends on age and life stage. We were together six months when we got engaged and we didn't know each before. 29 and 36, no kids.

Now I have 30, I couldn't imagine marrying someone within two years now

Never heard of this rule myself and think it's ridiculous . My now husband and I got married recently after a decade together, I suppose it depends on how your relationship is going in terms of knowing if the commitment is serious. We didn't get married straight away for personal reasons but when we did it was totally the right time (we felt like an old married couple anyway 🤣)

It depends what you both want in life. Dh and I were living together after a month, married in a year, kids a year later...

My previous partner ... we lived together for 13 years, I knew we'd never get married or have kids, sounds awful, but it was a bit of a "time filler" relationship for both of us.

Don't time bounded "rules" are helpful. Communication is key.

Don't think...

If you are viewing dating as a kind of an interview with 'spouse' being the position on offer then yes, I can see the logic. I began dating my now-husband at 19. Settling down at 21 was not on the cards. We married after 12 years. Which would obviously not suit a lot of couples.

@SleepingStandingUp You have 30 kids? I'm surprised you get any sleep at all!

Where are all these rules coming from? First it was the 3 date rule, then the 3 month rule, now we have this. It's rubbish. It's whatever you feel comfortable with and everyone is different.

I agree with the idea that after 2 years you should know if you have a long term future with someone. However I vehemently disagree that a long term future has to include engagement/marriage unless it's desirable/suitable for both parties.

It's perfectly possible to have a loving, long term, committed relationship without being legally tied to someone. The only time it starts becoming sensible really is when children enter the picture or one half of the couple is encouraged not to work. That's when the full necessity of the legal contract of marriage really becomes important.

utter rubbish.

i was together with my only boyfriend for 22 years and if he didnt f off with my best friend in 2020 we would have been together until old age but i had no intention of getting engaged or marriage and he knew it, he was told never to ask as he would be very disappointed as i dont agree with the old fashioned idea and im a atheist so to me there was no need.
he knew it was only him i loved as he was 17 me 18 when we got together and was each others first for everything,2 kids and we were going to try for another one.
i was a few months of 40 when he betrayed me.

Not heard of it but would strongly disagree there is a blanket rule - would make a huge difference depending on age, what you want from a relationship, whether you have children already / want more, etc.