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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Is she taking the p**s or am I being unreasonable?

88 replies

Kab3042 · 22/03/2022 12:36

Mil likes fo book spontaneous holidays. Not so much the last couple years due to covid.. but is starting up again! She has two dogs who she really couldn't give a crap about tbh. Better if she re homed them.

In the past she's asked us to have her dogs because she's going away in say 3 days time.. all very last minute. Years ago we could have them but it was a total pain as they are very large dogs and needy, snappy at times etc.

we've since then we've had kids and we have our own dog now who isn't keen on other dogs since being attacked by our neighbours dog so it's a definite no but she still asks!

We can't have them here but dp is a pushover and has gone to stay over there (different town so 20 minutes away) for the time she's on holiday meaning between work and two kids with sen, it's a bloody nightmare. Last time it was 2 weeks.

Another time she actually booked kennels. But didn't book them until 2 days after she left for holiday. She just sprung it on us that she was going away the next day and could we take them to the kennels in 3 days time - miles away!! We did it but then we turned up, turns out she hadn't booked them in for a couple days after that again then paperwork was checked she hadn't had their vaccines updated to be able to stay in kennels. So again Dp had to stay at his mums for 2 weeks. Me at home with two kids with sen juggling life.

Dp obviously had no choice as the dogs cannot be left for long. He'd leave them to go work then go back there for the night. He'd come home for an hour each night to help get the kids to sleep. I was not working at the time but still a total pain in the asshole.

She's going away again. She's got her other son to take care of them this time but it's not the dogs she's asked for this time. But her other son is useless and leaves doors open so they usually escape so again we will be out looking for them and taking over I expect.

Shes going on holiday Friday. She's asked us to take her car for repair work whilst she's gone (going in her dh'a car to the airport). So we have to drive to hers, drive to the garage with me following on behind so I can drive Dp home. Then go get it again later in the day! Potentially take it back if any more repairs. Bloody nightmare. Surely her car can wait til she's home to it herself?

It's not just running errands. Feel like it's taking the mickey. She doesn't do a huge deal for us (not that I expect her to!). She knows we have a lot on our plate at the minute with work and kdis (eldest has severe learning difficulties and youngest has some degree of sen). Work, school, appointments etc.

Also asked if we can drive around her other son too (dp's bother) He drives himself but hasn't got a car at the minute.

It's the last minute thing that gets me. She's literally like I'm going on holiday in 3 days, can you do this! Etc. I'm certain she would not do the same for us!

OP posts:
GoldenGorilla · 22/03/2022 12:41

She’ll carry on as long as you keep bailing her out/doing stuff.

So make sure your dp is on board, he needs to tell her straight out that you are too busy to help with running errands/looking after dogs etc, and you won’t be able to help out in future.

Then stick to it! If that means her car doesn’t get serviced, or she has to cancel her holiday then so be it.

Not your circus. Not your monkeys.

BarryKentPoet · 22/03/2022 12:41

She does it because you let her. There are no consequences to her doing it, so why would she change?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 22/03/2022 12:43

Your husband is problem here. He is a wet fucking lettuce.

HellToTheNope · 22/03/2022 12:47

Your husband is absolutely useless. She will continue to take advantage of you because the lot of you allow it. You're all a bunch of doormats. Say NO and tell her that from this day forward you will no longer be her servants, ever again.

Kab3042 · 22/03/2022 12:51

I agree Dp is a pushover. With the kennels and not hooking in them in for the right time and not getting them vaccinated, he did ring them when they were already abroad and give them shit but eh had no choice but to look after them, nothing else we could do that time 🤷‍♀️

Thing is, we don't want these dogs to be left alone. She went away for the weekend once and left them with the back door open, so they could go toilet. They got out... they had also gone toilet all over the kitchen floor despite door being open.

We love dogs, we don't want them to be mistreated or left 😪

He's said no to taking the garage. The time the garage wants the car in won't work with us!

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 22/03/2022 12:53

Has the word 'No' been removed from your vocabulary?

BarryKentPoet · 22/03/2022 12:57

@Kab3042

I agree Dp is a pushover. With the kennels and not hooking in them in for the right time and not getting them vaccinated, he did ring them when they were already abroad and give them shit but eh had no choice but to look after them, nothing else we could do that time 🤷‍♀️

Thing is, we don't want these dogs to be left alone. She went away for the weekend once and left them with the back door open, so they could go toilet. They got out... they had also gone toilet all over the kitchen floor despite door being open.

We love dogs, we don't want them to be mistreated or left 😪

He's said no to taking the garage. The time the garage wants the car in won't work with us!

Well, if you are going to keep looking after the dogs, she will keep doing it. There's no reason why she wouldn't.
TibetanTerrah · 22/03/2022 12:59

You need to move, many, many miles away Grin

StopFeckingFaffing · 22/03/2022 13:04

She is massively taking the piss and will continue to do so I imagine unless your DH says no to her demands

Meandthesky · 22/03/2022 13:06

You both need to stop enabling her. If you don’t want to do something and it will cause you hassle then just say no.

Allelbowsandtoes · 22/03/2022 13:10

She's outrageous, as is your DH. If he agrees to stay and look after the dogs in the future, tell him he can take both kids with him too as you're not able to manage alone.
Seriously though he needs to stand up to his mother and show that he can put you and the kids first, that should be his priority now. Ridiculous

SucculentChalice · 22/03/2022 13:12

Of course she's taking the P and will keep doing so until you say no, at which point she will manage perfectly well to organise it all herself.

Why doesn't she take her own car to the garage, or get her DH to?

I sometimes think that generation doesn't really realise the pressures of modern life (commuting, expensive childcare, more difficult work-life balance) that weren't so stressful in their day.

godmum56 · 22/03/2022 13:19

@SucculentChalice

Of course she's taking the P and will keep doing so until you say no, at which point she will manage perfectly well to organise it all herself.

Why doesn't she take her own car to the garage, or get her DH to?

I sometimes think that generation doesn't really realise the pressures of modern life (commuting, expensive childcare, more difficult work-life balance) that weren't so stressful in their day.

I am guessing that "that generation" is my generation or a bit younger and surprise! we also commuted had kids and struggled with work life balance....don't put other people's cheeky fuckery on me and my contemporaries
PattyMelt · 22/03/2022 13:20

Call the garage, tell them she's away and so can't bring the car in and rebook it for the week she's back.
She's is really taking the piss, treating you all like the hired help.

Poppy92r · 22/03/2022 13:21

What would happen if your said - sorry but we can't?

gettingolderandgrumpy · 22/03/2022 13:21

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Your husband is problem here. He is a wet fucking lettuce.
Yes just say NO!!
Hiddenvoice · 22/03/2022 13:26

I’d say no and explain you’re too busy. She will need to book the car in for when she returns. She could easily have the other son insured on her car for the time she’s away and then he won’t need to be driven around.
If your dh isn’t able to say no or feels the guilt then I’d just message and say he’d forgotten but you’ve got a lot on that week so can’t be available for the car and to just stop by.
If mil isn’t able to insure the other son then he can get buses and taxies!

godmum56 · 22/03/2022 13:32

I'd be saying no and if she does the same nasty trick with the dogs, contact the RSPCA or the dog warden.

Frillyfruli · 22/03/2022 13:35

@BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz

Your husband is problem here. He is a wet fucking lettuce.
I am no help at all but just wanted to say I am adopting the acronym WFL from now on!
eachtigertires · 22/03/2022 13:37

With regards to the dogs - could you call someone (dog warden? RSPCA? I’m not sure of the relevant person) and tell them that the dogs have been abandoned? They will take care of them and call your MIL. If she wants them back, she will leave her holiday and come and get them. Hopefully, she would only do that once.

Pixiedust1234 · 22/03/2022 13:40

I can understand why you end up looking after the dogs, somebody needs to. However just say no to the garage (dont rebook, dont inform the garage, let her deal with any fallout from not turning up for appt). Also say no to running the brother around. Other ppl have to use buses and taxis, so can he. Not your problem to fix.

If dh staying with the dogs is a problem then reverse roles. You get to stay in mil house with her dogs, he stays at home with yours and the children. You can bet your last penny that he sorts it out with his mother so it never happens again!!

Nutsabouttopic · 22/03/2022 13:44

Could the other son take the car to the garage and then use it will she's away.
Is garage on bus route so he can get back from the garage. These people are adults let them sort themselves out

Tsuni · 22/03/2022 13:44

@eachtigertires

With regards to the dogs - could you call someone (dog warden? RSPCA? I’m not sure of the relevant person) and tell them that the dogs have been abandoned? They will take care of them and call your MIL. If she wants them back, she will leave her holiday and come and get them. Hopefully, she would only do that once.
Yes, I'd do this seeing as you and your wet lettuce dh are incapable of simply saying "no" to the woman. She probably won't try to get them back so the dogs can be rehomed with someone who wants them.
Hertsgirl10 · 22/03/2022 13:44

Say no!

Keep saying no and stop letting her do this.

She’s taking the piss but you’re letting her and you can’t say you don’t like it if you keep on doing it.

Kab3042 · 22/03/2022 13:59

@Nutsabouttopic

Could the other son take the car to the garage and then use it will she's away. Is garage on bus route so he can get back from the garage. These people are adults let them sort themselves out
He could yes but no one to get him back. Buses are pants rurally 😪
OP posts:
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