Is she taking the p**s or am I being unreasonable?

[Kab3042]

Mil likes fo book spontaneous holidays. Not so much the last couple years due to covid.. but is starting up again! She has two dogs who she really couldn't give a crap about tbh. Better if she re homed them.

In the past she's asked us to have her dogs because she's going away in say 3 days time.. all very last minute. Years ago we could have them but it was a total pain as they are very large dogs and needy, snappy at times etc.

we've since then we've had kids and we have our own dog now who isn't keen on other dogs since being attacked by our neighbours dog so it's a definite no but she still asks!

We can't have them here but dp is a pushover and has gone to stay over there (different town so 20 minutes away) for the time she's on holiday meaning between work and two kids with sen, it's a bloody nightmare. Last time it was 2 weeks.

Another time she actually booked kennels. But didn't book them until 2 days after she left for holiday. She just sprung it on us that she was going away the next day and could we take them to the kennels in 3 days time - miles away!! We did it but then we turned up, turns out she hadn't booked them in for a couple days after that again then paperwork was checked she hadn't had their vaccines updated to be able to stay in kennels. So again Dp had to stay at his mums for 2 weeks. Me at home with two kids with sen juggling life.

Dp obviously had no choice as the dogs cannot be left for long. He'd leave them to go work then go back there for the night. He'd come home for an hour each night to help get the kids to sleep. I was not working at the time but still a total pain in the asshole.

She's going away again. She's got her other son to take care of them this time but it's not the dogs she's asked for this time. But her other son is useless and leaves doors open so they usually escape so again we will be out looking for them and taking over I expect.

Shes going on holiday Friday. She's asked us to take her car for repair work whilst she's gone (going in her dh'a car to the airport). So we have to drive to hers, drive to the garage with me following on behind so I can drive Dp home. Then go get it again later in the day! Potentially take it back if any more repairs. Bloody nightmare. Surely her car can wait til she's home to it herself?

It's not just running errands. Feel like it's taking the mickey. She doesn't do a huge deal for us (not that I expect her to!). She knows we have a lot on our plate at the minute with work and kdis (eldest has severe learning difficulties and youngest has some degree of sen). Work, school, appointments etc.

Also asked if we can drive around her other son too (dp's bother) He drives himself but hasn't got a car at the minute.

It's the last minute thing that gets me. She's literally like I'm going on holiday in 3 days, can you do this! Etc. I'm certain she would not do the same for us!

I don't even know why you're asking, tbh.

Of course she's massively taking the piss, and your DP (and you, by default) are letting her, so of course she's going to keep doing it!

Maybe you should get the dogs rehomed - she's clearly not got their interests at heart, so why not?
The car can wait. It's not going to starve to death, is it.

Just STOP agreeing (or rather, get your DP to stop agreeing) - she'll soon learn.

I'm in the 'It's your DP's fault'. More fool him for always saying yes. DOes he never say 'Look, mum, we have two kids with SEN and our own lives, you have a DH and son living with you'?

When she gets back from this trip your DH needs to make it clear she needs an alternative plan for the dogs from now on. He won't be taking them to kennels, she does that before she leaves. He won't be staying at her house. Either DB does it or they're in kennels. No more errands whilst they're on holiday. Either DF or DB do them or they wait till she's back and she pays a handy person to do them.

That's the end and no coming back from setting out that stall.

If she has to cancel her holiday because she hasn't got her ducks in a row then that's her problem not yours or DH's.

If you want your DH to put a stop to this, tell him next time you're going to his mother's to look after the dogs and he can look after your dogs and the children. Pretty sure he'll decide that's too much work for him!

Of course he agrees to it, I'd love a week in another quiet house whilst someone else did everything at home

I'd take them to a rescue and say you found them wandering the street. She'll have to explain herself when she gets back to get them back, and likely won't ask you again either, unless she is particularly stupid.

Say no

OMG just fucking no!!!

Give the dogs away next time she is on holiday, tell her they died if you must!
And leave the car, that's her shit to sort out! And give your husband a kick up the arse!

OMG i'm fuming on your behalf here!!

Text her and say that you are going away in 3 days and she has to drop everything to look after your children. Don’t reply to any messages saying she can’t etc. Then send her pics (from the internet) of your holiday destination and say ‘hope the kids aren’t running you ragged’. If she panics and believes you say that it’s okay because you left the door open for them.

Obviously don’t do this but it would serve her right.

Alternatively don’t reply to her texts/calls. Hang up when she tries to dump the dogs on you. When she asks why say that you didn’t think she could hear you saying no. Must be a bad line!

@Hertsgirl10

Why do people that own dogs find it so difficult to find dog kennels or pet sitters.

They’re not your problem, she will fix the problem when you both say no. If she wants to leave her dogs alone for 2 wks that’s gonna be her that gets in trouble for neglecting them, you’re not responsible for them she is.

If she leaves them alone again the OP should call the RSPCA

I'd also be calling the RSPCA next time she tries it on with the dogs, that's just not on. You've got more than enough on your plate to lose your DP unexpectedly last minute for weeks at a time.

As for the car, that's a bloody cheek too - just re-book it for when you're back! I'd seriously be going LC with them. What do you get out of this relationship?!

No is a complete sentence.

To be repeated every time a last minute request is made.

You've got two options here.
You can bite the bullet and be brutally honest with both Mil and H. The dogs are her responsibility and hers alone and neither you nor your partner are going to lift a finger to help any more. If your Mil just leaves the dogs again then call the RSPCA or a local animal charity.
The other option involves a lot of lying. I suggest you develop a medical condition, say sciatica or similar, which means your partner simply can't vanish off for a week to dog sit as you're pretty much immobile. Mil will have to sort out her own issues. Also something like sciatica can come and go, so you can ham it up when needed.
I recommend option one. You are going to have to get a very thick skin as you know full well Mil will try some emotional manipulation or will just neglect the dogs.
Poor choices and a lack of planning on her part does not make an emergency on yours.

She absolutely is taking the piss, and you need for the sake of your sanity and family to put a stop to it.

@Kab3042

I agree Dp is a pushover. With the kennels and not hooking in them in for the right time and not getting them vaccinated, he did ring them when they were already abroad and give them shit but eh had no choice but to look after them, nothing else we could do that time 🤷‍♀️

Thing is, we don't want these dogs to be left alone. She went away for the weekend once and left them with the back door open, so they could go toilet. They got out... they had also gone toilet all over the kitchen floor despite door being open.

We love dogs, we don't want them to be mistreated or left 😪

He's said no to taking the garage. The time the garage wants the car in won't work with us!

Sorry she did what?!

I'd be reporting her to RSPCA. That's utterly shocking.

@godmum56

I'd be saying no and if she does the same nasty trick with the dogs, contact the RSPCA or the dog warden.

^This^

It really annoys me when people have pets and think that life can be lived as if they haven't. Dogs limit what you can do.

But if you keep bailing her out she will continue to do this. I would say no next time and report her for leaving the dogs.

Just cut away from this being used all the time situation. the Mil is on a roll, getting others to do all this stuff for her, without a care in the world. Would she help others in the same way,?

@Kab3042 "I agree Dp is a pushover"

You're a partnership. This is on both of you, you both need to say no, and support each other when you do.

Just say no we can’t and don’t do it

You and he both need to say no. If your husband keeps agreeing, she will keep doing it. There no point being surprised!

@AlisonDonut

The problem with saying no about the dogs, is that she literally tells us 3 days before the dogs need somewhere to go. We don't want those dogs be left alone, she's done it before. Not the dogs fault.

Ok then look after them.

Or say 'no'.

It really is your choice here.

Agreed say something or carry on your choice .. I’m not sure what sort of advice you want , you either speak up say no you can’t go away because we aren’t looking after the dogs and mean it . Its up up her to find a solution not you .

Doesn't bother to keep up to date with vaccinations,will dump on whoever when she goes on holiday or will simply abandon them and not care if they died of dehydration or starve whilst she's gone.

Your DH needs to grow a pair and stand up to her.I'd not pull any punches and tell her straight out she needs to réhome.

She is absolutely vile and this makes me so angry.

If she hasn’t arranged kennel places - and she can’t, they are booked over a year in advance now - she can’t go on holiday.

Easy peasy.

Stop facilitating this nonsense.

If she leaves the dogs alone then report her to the RSPCA for cruelty to animals.

She keeps doing shit like this because you’re allowing her to.