To resent DCs homework

[letsgoflyakite123]

Reading - of course. Maybe even some spellings and timestables. But DC seem to be set things like writing up a science experiment complete with diagram, oak academy lessons. I just think it is too much and really resent the time it intrudes on family life.
Dc1 (11) struggles with school work so needs lots of help and it takes ages. DC2 (7) excels with her school work and is so keen to do well it takes ages. So it's hard to do after school and ends up taking over the weekend.
Does anyone else feel the same? And if it is just me how do you fit it all in alongside seeing family and friends, DCs activities and just relaxing.

It doesn't take that long. Are you basically saying you can't be arsed helping your DCs with their homework?

Both DCs homework is pointless - I don't see any benefit to doing it at primary other than to test which parents are interested and which aren't. The kids don't gain anything from it.

I agree OP. It can be hard to fit in in the evenings after work and school and can feel like there’s not enough time to actually play and have fun bonding time together after dinner has been made, laundry’s been done, etc.

Readings, spelling, times tables etc, fair enough. The either homework can be really quite dubious in terms of what it’s adding that they aren’t getting in school time.

Why can't homework be part of family life?
Get them all round the table right after school. Set a time limit.

I have mixed feelings about homework, I agree with you about the intrusion into family life, but at the same time feel that home study is also important

However I do wonder why they're not doing it in school time either. I feel quite conflicted about it

Ask school how much time they expect to be dedicated to homework.Then explain to DC how much time they have, schedule the times and sessions and stick to it.

Spending hours on perfectionism isnt a helpful behaviour. Practising setting and keeping to a schedule is one of the most useful things for study habits and success.

No. I wouldn't feel the same. Writing up science experiments is a normal part of homework for an 11 year old - they've started to move on from spellings and reading. And having a child that is enthusiastic about school work and learning and wants to do a good job of her homework is great. I'd be encouraging it.

@SpikyJugs

It doesn't take that long. Are you basically saying you can't be arsed helping your DCs with their homework?

No, OP isn't saying that at all.

Sounds like you can't be arsed to do a proper job of it if you think it doesn't take that long.

That's harsh @SpikyJugs - quite the opposite. I often spend hours helping the DC do homework that I honestly think is pretty pointless. Deal with DC 1 crying as work is too hard and Dc2 crying as she wants to get it perfect but is only 7 and finds it all too much.
I think they'd learn more if we had more time to focus on reading, or following an interest of their own, go to a museum etc. It sucks the fun out of it all.

I agree with you. I'm assistant head teacher of primary. I think reading, spelling, timetables is enough. Could you write to teachers and say you won't be doing extra as you're not seeing the benefit and don't have the time. Fyi there's no evidence that homework improves progress or attainment at primary school. Different for secondary which makes sense to me.

I think reading, spellings and times tables are all important at primary school and need to be done. Anything else is a choice in my opinion, if you want your children to do it that's fine but if you don't then don't bother forcing them. At primary school they're still so young and they do enough at school. Personally I don't want the time with my children at home to be taken up with school work, i want the children to relax and feel happy and have fun at home. I fully support homework in secondary school when the children are older and more able to organise their time and work independently. Each to their own, just do what suits your family.

Speak to the school!
My school provides homework but we are really understanding of different situations and would rather families were not stressed at home trying to complete it.
Does your school have a parent association or group you could speak to? Most schools I’ve worked in would rather phase out homework or cut it down to the basic but it needs to be approved by the parent groups because there’s always someone who wants more!

@MacavityTheDentistsCat the science experiment was for the 7 year old. Complete with a fully labelled diagram!
I hugely value school work (I have an MA myself and DH a PhD) and loved learning as a child. But I had time to read, relax and enquire about things that interested me as a child.
We definitely don't seem to have the right balance of homework and fun in our household.

@pinksquash13

I agree with you. I'm assistant head teacher of primary. I think reading, spelling, timetables is enough. Could you write to teachers and say you won't be doing extra as you're not seeing the benefit and don't have the time. Fyi there's no evidence that homework improves progress or attainment at primary school. Different for secondary which makes sense to me.

This 💯

I think as long as you read, i'd forget the rest, it's really not worth it if they aren't happy.
Happiness and family is much more important

Same here - DS has multiple learning differences and finds school work really hard. Spending a lot of time making him do school work at the weekends that I know is pointless is pretty upsetting for everyone.

I agree with homework in moderation, and the child should be able to complete it themselves. I provide a place to work, help if asked.
We have your situation and I think you need to re-frame how both your DC look at it.
Your youngest is going to have huge problems if she continues with the perfectionism. Can you set her a time limit? Then I would try to find her another activity to satisfy her perfectionist tendencies, drawing, musical instrument etc as long as it's not "school work".
Your DS, trickier. I think you should clarify with the teachers how long they are expecting him to take to complete the work. Maybe make a diary of how long it is taking him and use it to open a discussion for more support. Cut to the basics. What does he need to learn? What is the task supposed to be teaching him? Can he use dictation software etc? Come to an agreement on how long he will spend on his homework a day, and make sure he has one full day off at the weekend.

It's better now but when my Dc were little they'd have really parent intensive homework...like find a recipe and make it and use your maths to look at the different numbers and weights or invent a game using dice or make a sailing boat out of toilet rolls or other such stuff. My heart used to sink.

I once did my ds entire model making homework because he was so disinterested. I sat up till midnight in my kitchen making the Egyptian pyramids out of cardboard...to be fair to my ds, he was totally honest with the teacher and told her, mum did it

Don’t have children but work with them and 100% agree.
It is no wonder we have a mental health crisis in the country as people struggle to find a work - life balance. We train out children from a young age that they must work above play. Literal play. It’s heartbreaking.

Children get only 18 short years to be children. They should not be spending their evenings and weekends doing homework, at least before the age of 14.

No child of mine will spend more than 30mins a day in primary or 1h in secondary on homework, pre-GCSEs. I will pick my children’s school accordingly and make my stance crystal clear to the headteacher from the outset.

Why should a family value or respect homework above other ways children could spend their time like reading for pleasure ..playing with friends or at home...relaxing...going for bike rides.. playing sport .?

This generation of teenagers and children are hugely unhappy. Every measure of statistics shows depression sadness and general unhappiness are rising and the UK is particularly bad on a global scale.

Our children need joy and fun as wrll as the grind of school work. Teenagers have a very sedentary day at school..even more so than primary children even though there is no reason they should be less active

@waterrat agree entirely. There's so many important activities a child should do above homework i.e play, read, the park, clubs etc. I also think that when you've potentially got two working parents, time with your children is precious and battles about homework aren't good for anyone.

Very clear demarcation at my DCs' primary school, between parents who work full or nearly full time and parents who don't work or work flexibly/part time, in terms of knowing what the homework is, whether the DC have done it, and engaging with it. When I got home at 7 most evenings pre-pandemic they'd have had to have done it at afterschool club or not; zero time for me to be nitpicking about it. Similar with the multiple communications systems - unless you can check them several times a day you don't know what the phoneme of the week is, or that there's an optional project to research a planet and make a scrapbook about it. Fortunately I know enough teachers to let the school worry about teaching them and the parents focus on the rest of life, but I did have quite a lot of angst about this before I accepted it!

I feel really overwhelmed by DS (in year 6) HW, but it doesn't help the school is really inconsistent in how they set it. Moving to Google classrooms has helped a bit, but sometimes it doesn't seem to appear on the system until quite late, and it doesn't always have due dates.

DD by this age was fine and self sufficient, but DS has ADHD so is not self starting. He can be made to do a list of questions but if the task is an open question or requires creativity, he's just completely blank unless you sit there with him literally feeding him the start of every question and I don't know what to do about it. Really worried about secondary, where he'll get detention for not handing in work, there will be a lot more of it, and most of it will be open-ended - DH and I cannot sit with him for all of that.

Yanbu and I say that as a secondary science teacher. I only make dc do spelling reading and times tables at primary and fortunately that’s all school asks for!