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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To resent DCs homework

104 replies

letsgoflyakite123 · 20/03/2022 21:09

Reading - of course. Maybe even some spellings and timestables. But DC seem to be set things like writing up a science experiment complete with diagram, oak academy lessons. I just think it is too much and really resent the time it intrudes on family life.
Dc1 (11) struggles with school work so needs lots of help and it takes ages. DC2 (7) excels with her school work and is so keen to do well it takes ages. So it's hard to do after school and ends up taking over the weekend.
Does anyone else feel the same? And if it is just me how do you fit it all in alongside seeing family and friends, DCs activities and just relaxing.

OP posts:
Onlyforcake · 21/03/2022 10:28

To be fair, supporting reading - definitely parent involvement. But homework should be reasonably independent.

Justkeeppedaling · 21/03/2022 10:28

I don't see any benefit to doing it at primary other than to test which parents are interested and which aren't

Well this is also useful information for the teacher.

Homework is a fact of life from the time they start school to the time they leave. There just isn't enough time in the school day for pupils to go over their work enough so that it sinks in. Teachers have always been reliant on the support of parents for this, and always will be.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 21/03/2022 10:34

I hate it and don’t see it as beneficial until Year 5 and 6. Dtds are now Year 6 and I hate the nagging but am not against them having it to prep for secondary. Reception to year 4 should be reading and spellings only. Dd1 was fine but she’s academic and found it easy whereas dtds would be in tears every week over writing 5 sentences. It’s not because I’m lazy but I don’t have time to complete a teaching degree so I can actually help my dc without confusing them.

EveSix · 21/03/2022 10:40

OnlyForCake:
But homework should be reasonably independent.
Absolutely. And as such, it is incumbent on schools to ensure that the home work set is accessible at individual students' level of ability in order for said pupils to be able to complete it at home. So differentiated tasks, just like one would expect in lessons. If overwhelm is an issue, as in the case of OP's DC1, then a very short and non-threatening task can easily be set. The risk is, that in order to set homework appropriately, it becomes a work load issue for teachers, making the whole thing untenable.

PinkFluffyUnicornSlippers · 21/03/2022 10:42

Parents can teach their children to read during story time and in the supermarket by reading what’s on the shelves. You can get them to tell you the time from the clock, that sort of thing. It doesn’t have to be formal. It used to really bug me too.

ittakes2 · 21/03/2022 10:57

OP - do you know why your oldest struggles with homework? Have you looked into inattentive ADHD? My daughter seemed fine in primary - great in fact she passed her 11 plus....but when she started getting more homework it turned into a nightmare. She ended up realising she had Inattentive ADHD - the school even missed it. It a chemical imbalance in the brain making it hard to get motivated if the child doesn't want to do something - they also have executive function skills so struggle to organise themselves and plan homework. They also miss information in class so don't always understand the homework. Ironically my daughter is also a perfectionist - so would spend ages doing the homework once she started.

LadyCordeliaFitzgerald · 21/03/2022 11:14

I fully agree OP. Here in Ireland we had a whole glorious month without homework when the dc went back to school in September 2020. It was great - lots of outdoors play, time to go to the library, help in the house. No exhausted, cranky wrangling blighting the evenings.

I have a very similar combination - the eldest with SN who needs a lot of scaffolding and a younger one who puts too much pressure on herself.

I’ve often been aware that they could do with a bit more help in a particular area but by the time they finish homework they’re in no mood for anything extra, so it literally gets in the way of what they need to Iearn.

Original poster
letsgoflyakite123 · 21/03/2022 11:18

@LadyCordeliaFitzgerald what you say is spot on. I have been trying to do some extra English work with DC1 as they find that particularly hard. But we are so bogged down in completing the set work there is no scope to focus on areas of need which I think would be way more helpful. As I say I don't blame the teachers - how could they possibly set individualised homework for all the children that need it - simply too much work for them.

OP posts:
Original poster
letsgoflyakite123 · 21/03/2022 11:20

@LadyCordeliaFitzgerald and a month without homework sounds truly wonderful for all involved - children, parents and teachers Smile

OP posts:
Looubylou · 21/03/2022 11:29

I have a Y6 son. Those of you who say they either get no homework, or only reading, spellings and times tables - what about the online SPAG and My Maths? I was told this was compulsory for all primary school children. The discussion came about when I suggested that homework should be written at this age, as that is a basic skill to be mastered in itself. I also was expressing my opinion that the online SPAG is not at all age appropriate - particularly when some are still struggling with remembering punctuation and capital letters when they are writing (my son knows the rules and spots mistakes but it all goes to pot when he sits down to write). Yesterday's SPAG was 50 questions. He has to constantly Google what all the terms mean, before answering questions, so it takes a long time. I'm in my 50's. I excelled at English at school, but I'm no help, as I've never heard the terms before. It's ridiculous. Back to basics!

Calennig · 21/03/2022 11:34

I’ve often been aware that they could do with a bit more help in a particular area but by the time they finish homework they’re in no mood for anything extra, so it literally gets in the way of what they need to Iearn.

Absolutely this.

Though in end we often did support work first or in mornings or cut it short to do school work - it did take up most evenings/large part of weekends - it did make outside groups a struggle and I didn't realise what a burden planning for it all and cramming it all in was till we moved schools and it was lifted. I think it was a boiled frog situation for us - it just kept creeping up in amounts.

If you don't know why the eldest is struggling - or if you do but don't have formal diagnosis now would be the time to be looking at those ready for secondary - so there's less delay getting support in place.

sillysmiles · 21/03/2022 11:45

I disagree with homework on principle because

  1. it establishes early in life that it is acceptable to bring work home and this becomes a culture in employment too.
  2. it is disadvantageous to those without secure home life situations to do home work. Or those without parent who can or are willing to help with homework.
MoonOnASpoon · 21/03/2022 11:56

Agree - the only homework in primary should be reading (even then not forced and ideally whatever book you like) and maybe a bit of revision or games to help cement things like times tables.

I don't think any child should have more demanding homework until they can manage it themselves. It's just another way that families who are less able to support their DC with it get discriminated against - whether that's because of poverty, lack of space/equipment, lack of time, health issues, demanding siblings etc. And if a child has SEN, they have to spend far longer getting through it, robbing them of spare time completely unfairly.

I pointed out to our primary school several times that homework at primary was discriminatory, and has also been shown to be counter-productive or at best pointless. Kids actually need play and relaxed downtime to help the brain consolidate learning, not endless tasks and pressure. They either ignored me or said that I was right but they have to give lots of homework because some parents demand it. However, eventually, just a couple of years ago, they did change their policy and now have hardly any.

sweetbellyhigh · 21/03/2022 12:39

@ittakes2

OP - do you know why your oldest struggles with homework? Have you looked into inattentive ADHD? My daughter seemed fine in primary - great in fact she passed her 11 plus....but when she started getting more homework it turned into a nightmare. She ended up realising she had Inattentive ADHD - the school even missed it. It a chemical imbalance in the brain making it hard to get motivated if the child doesn't want to do something - they also have executive function skills so struggle to organise themselves and plan homework. They also miss information in class so don't always understand the homework. Ironically my daughter is also a perfectionist - so would spend ages doing the homework once she started.
Oh my goodness! Struggling to do more schoolwork on top of a day of schoolwork is not a sign of a disability! It is a very clear indication that homework for children is very unhealthy.
StayAGhost · 21/03/2022 14:36

I find the idea that homework is independent laughable tbh

There is NO WAY my DD 2 could have done her homework AT ALL. After loads of conversations with the teacher, and sending in notes about the totally unsuitable homework and STILL DD 2 would get in trouble for not finishing it (literally spent HOURS AND HOURS with it), I got DD1 to do it for her for the WHOLE of primary school
Mind boggling that they thought DD2 had attempted it, never mind completed it Hmm

StayAGhost · 21/03/2022 14:44

Forgot YANBU

SartresSoul · 21/03/2022 14:49

It gets worse in secondary school so assuming your eldest is year 6 this is something you will have to prepare them for. My eldest started secondary in September and he gets 1-2 pieces of homework every day. He does it as soon as he gets home which isn’t until 5pm 3 days a week when he has after school clubs. I think homework is important in year 5 and 6 to prepare them for that but before that it’s a bit pointless. Reading, spellings and times tables sure but not the extra homework. Often just ends up being work for the parents.

waterrat · 21/03/2022 15:24

Homework is not a fact of life at all primaries. My children go to a very normal ofsred rated outstanding primary. They do not give any homework at all other than occasional optional projects there is no pressure to complete.

The head and other senior teachers there have told me that in their many years experience homework like learning spellings does nothing but make some kidsa anxious.

Also..someone suggested adhd . Why should it be seen as disordered or neuro diverse to not want to sit down after a full day if school lessons to do more work ?

A teenage boy needs exercise and social time each day as wrll as having their nose to the grindstone.

It's no wonder we have a mental health and obesity crisis among young people . We are massively over valuing formal learning over play and sport and the normal social fun that a 14 or 15 year old needs to be healthy and happy

StayAGhost · 21/03/2022 16:15

Totally agree waterrat
Teenage girls also need that tho..

McNick · 21/03/2022 20:27

Have 2 DCs, both now at Uni.
I agree that sometimes the homework was tedious & at times (many times 😣) we felt the time could be better spent doing other worthwhile equally educational things.
In the long run it taught them discipline. That sometimes you have to give importance to your studies.
It wasn't always easy for them or for me but it was useful to Instill the focus from an early age.

Dinoteeth · 21/03/2022 23:55

Remembering that many countries dont start school until 6 or 7, and yes most will have a good preschool / kindergarten system but I bet they aren't giving 4/5 yos homework.

Really small kids going to afterschool care then trying to do HW is verging on cruel.

VivX · 22/03/2022 11:49

My dd's first primary school abandoned homework completely. Headteacher was quite progressive and was of the opinion that if it wasn't important enough to fit into class time then it was probably not all that crucial to begin with.

A lot of primary school homework is more for the parents than the children and the competive aspect is just awful - which is very much the case in the local primaries where we now live.

HipHipHooooooray · 22/03/2022 11:56

My DSCs primary scrapped homework ages ago!

Fuuyf5677 · 22/03/2022 13:00

I think HW maybe used to be useful when mum's picked up their kids from school and parents had from 3.15 until bedtime to do it in. but now lots of kids dont get picked up until 5.30/6pm when realistically you might only only an hour and half to give them dinner, bath, read etc....it's just not enough time for additional homework that doesnt seem to add much.

Foody8410 · 22/03/2022 13:02

I'm very anti homework. I think school are still in the dark ages and think that everyone lives in a traditional nuclear family. It just isn't like that anymore. Time together can be really precious for some families.
When I was a child I loved to learn and do my homework. My two children are the opposite, they hate school, are not interested in learning and find it all a huge chore. I find it hard to relate but at the same time acknowledge that we are all different and my children are just not academic. Homework has a real negative effect on our home life