To feel pissed off with hypnobirthing

[thatsnotmyname33]

Just a rant really.

I have been reading up on hypnobirthing in preparation for my second baby due in the next few weeks. My first birth was quite stressful, lots of interventions and ended with an emergency section so this time I had hoped for a VBAC and was open to the idea of a calmer, more controlled birth like hypnobirthing promotes.

However the more I've read the more it has annoyed me. It doesn't take into account the possibility of complications. The whole narrative is that your body is designed for this and should be able to do it providing you breathe properly and have some nice whale music playing in the background.

I'm probably finding it harder because it's looking likely that another c section could be on the cards for me and I'm sick of reading birth stories about how proud and powerful women felt after birthing 'naturally'. I really wanted that feeling but I want my baby here safely more.

I don't know, I just find it all a bit simplistic and one dimensional, like the only births that really count are the ones that are natural. Am I just being a cow?

No I felt the same. If you don't have a textbook birth, it's your own fault, as you didn't relax properly.

My hypnobirth therapist was nothing like that. The whole thing was focused on helping me feel empowered to ask for the things I needed and knowing that i deserved to be treated with respect. Things like that.

YABU.

I had a horrific first birth and found hypnobirthing massively helped with my anxiety around doing it again.

There was no nonsense about only natural births counting.

I havent got a therapist or been to any groups, this is based on my own research either through books or online. I'm not sure how I'd feel being part of a groups or class peddling this. I think it would be very easy to feel like an outcast or failure if you ended up having to have a section.

Don't get me wrong, the premise of hypnobirthing is useful especially the breathing techniques. But it doesn't seem to take into account any of the huge number of complications that can occur in pregnancy or labour.

I recommend Milli Hill’s book.

Not all hypnobirthing is the same. There are hypnobirthing downloads especially designed to prepare for caesarean births too.

If you look up the naked doula on Instagram or the
Internet. She is a believer in reading up on all eventualities and options so you can make an informed decision. She’s also about making the most out of every birth and owning it no matter what interventions you have.

I think you are being a bit unfair, sorry. Every hypnobirthing course or book I ever came across did very much engage with the topic of complications as well. None mentioned whale music.

I followed the positive birth company and completely agree and don't like the fact they seem to encourage not accepting inductions unless there are problems. DS went to 42+1, monitoring showing no issues but when he was born, the placenta was visually showing signs it was failing and DS very small. I'm so glad I gave myself a cut-off point. I get some people will go past 42 weeks with no issues, but it just doesn't seem worth the risk to me.
I had to mute the positive birth company on Facebook when I was facing my second induction, it also felt very much like a cult!
I do however like the breathing exercises and explanations of what's going on in each stage with the PBC.

I have had vaginal births, but the first one was complicated and needed assisted delivery. I still found it really helped, I think the idea is it helps you stay calm and in control as much as you can be if things don't go to plan. I don't feel like it is putting an ideal out there that you are better if you succeed in having no intervention, just that if you use it to help you and you need to use less pain relief you might be less likely to need intervention. Having epidural can slow things down and lead to this.

I do think it's principles are open to misinterpretation though and they could sell it to people better. I think it's more the likes of Instagram and competitive parenting on SM that is at fault, not the practice of hypnobirthing in itself.

You need the right hypnobirthing or similar. I second the naked doula on Instagram.
I did one and the toxic positivity was infuriating. They only allow positive stories posted in their Facebook group.
I did hypnobirthing but with loads of research around d all my options and had a Home VBAC. I had plans for all the things that's could go differently because I had found out my rights/options and latest research.

I get the "natural or nothing" brigade driving you mad!

My hypnobirthing therapist was great. Like PP it was all about helping people to feel less anxious and in control. Not about a vaginal birth with no intervention being the only goal. Also didn’t discourage pain relief.

I hate hypnobirthing. It just made me want to scream that my body obviously didn’t know what to do as it was rubbish at contractions, and made me feel that having interventions was purely my choice therefore I should have turned them down as interventions always lead to worse problems so my horrendous birth and injuries were all my choice. It wasn’t magical, it was like being in a farmyard. Obviously I just didn’t breathe properly or relax enough or trust my body

The breathing exercises were good for reducing anxiety though.

I also did PBC and completely agree. I ended up with an induction for pregnancy hypertension and a cascade of interventions and ventouse followed. I just felt so disillusioned with the whole thing, like I had been sold a lie. I appreciate it is probably helpful for some people but afterwards I had to unsubscribe from the emails and social media feeds because I just felt so sad that I hadn't had this amazing birth. I did find the breathing helpful though. I am 37 weeks with my second now, and haven't done any hypnobirthing at all this time.

they seem to encourage not accepting inductions unless there are problems

This was actually true in my case too. She said I could just pretend I'd peed myself if my water broke and anyone was bugging me to get an induction. I thought that was pretty strange and potentially dangerous advice and didn't follow it. If it had been my first baby I might have done, though. They shouldn't be saying things like that - leave it to the healthcare professionals to recommend induction or not!

YABU you need to see to do a course or go to a teacher.

I had a straightforward birth with my first one and it really helped. I had a breech second baby, endless endless scans, ECV and ultimately an ELCS (all of this on my own due to covid) and the Hypnobirthing helped even more than with my first uncomplicated birth.

The teacher I had was excellent and offered support for all kids of births.

You'd probably find a proper group or classes beneficial over the twee and dubious websites. My experience of hypnobirthing was very much the opposite, we talked about complications/interventions and how to handle them, all about mindset and how to handle the birth experience however it went.

In the end my hypnobirthing baby was an emcs but because I'd done hypnobirthing I had a birth plan that covered many eventualities including emcs. Me and dh had talked about a lot of possibilities and it meant when we were told what was happening we were prepared and because my birth plan included it the midwives knew what I wanted and were amazing at following the birth plan. It was in a way a better experience than my vaginal birth as it was less chaotic (despite the very stressful situation of baby in distress).

I did a lot of hypnobirthing prep for my first. The good thing was that I went in to labour very confidently. The bad thing was that when it all went wrong and my labour dragged on for days and ended up with a drip and ventouse it left me feeling like I’d failed.

For my second I read Juju Sundins Birth Skills. I found that really helpful in labour and gave me a lot of skills to use at different points in my labour. Despite having an induction again and ending up in theatre post birth I look back on it and think it was fantastic!

Hypnobirthing made me feel shit about my baby's birth even though, in the grand scheme of things, it was straightforward. I had a balloon induction but they induced me and then were very short staffed so I got put to the bottom of the list because nothing was 'happening'. Long story short I spent nearly two days on the ward trying to be happy to boost my oxytocin and lower my adrenaline, all the time stressing about my high levels of stress and how it would affect my birth.
Because of the overall message of if you stay relaxed it's fine, I felt like I had somehow failed because in the end I needed the hormone drip and a load of pain relief. I also ended up on my back which wouldn't have stressed me out so much if the PBC hadn't made out this was the WORST way to be.
In some ways I feel a little more ignorance would have been bliss in my case!

My Hypnobirthing teacher was lovely and all the positives you mentioned. You’re always going to read extremes either way.

I'm not sure what you've been reading.

I used some CDs which basically did guided visualisation. It worked well for me on terms of me staying calm and being able to express myself. I've had 1xemcs, 1xhome water birth and 1xdifficult vaginal delivery (with complications).

As with all things birth and baby related just do what works for you

I agree with PPs that it depends what you read. I found hypnobirthing useful because I am in general a very anxious person, so I found the breathing/staying calm techniques very useful. But I also went in to it very aware that it wasn’t going to guarantee anything, of course it would never have stopped the PPH I had. But I do think it helped me stay calmer during the PPH, which may not have made a difference medically but it was obviously better for me to not be massively panicking.

I didn’t do any of the courses though, just my own reading and ignored the bits I didn’t like. It’s not an all or nothing thing, take any elements you think you will personally find helpful, leave the rest.

The only thing is it did make me fear induction probably more than I would’ve done previously. However if I hadn’t read up anything Or gone to Hypnobirthing class I probably would have been all passive and had a much more horrific birth. It helped me so much with contraction control I can’t express how much.

My tour of the hospital maternity unit (3 years after DD’s traumatic birth with no pain relief due to awful care rather than choice) was with a lot of hypnobirth first time mums. When the midwife said we were going to see theatre for “our csection mum” and pointed at me, there was an audible gasp of horror. Dh is usually oblivious but even he commented in my ear as we waddled up the hallway that they were a judgey bunch. All was seemingly forgiven when the midwife called me her “twin mum”. I didn’t reveal that actually the csection was agreed as an option pre conception due to the poor care I’d received meaning I wasn’t listened to and had no say in my care. I hope they all got the birth they wanted but experience tells me there’s a high chance some didn’t. My csection with the twins was a breeze and I recovered much faster than the naturally birth that left me with 37 stitches.

I’m not anti hypnobirthing but I am anti the belief that one way of giving birth is superior to another.

I did hypnobirthing, like you it ended in a section. Next time round I had a v bac and listening to the hypnobirthing track on repeat helped so much...was it perfect...no!! Ended in a suction then forceps then baby was whisked away due to breathing issues, so I may have hypnobirthed but the result wasn't any better and it took some time to come to terms with baby being taken away....all was fine and he was my easiest baby even after such a crap start! focus on the breathing, give it a go and hope for the best?! Easy to say with my 3rd I had a section again due to complications and it still upset me. Breathing calmly is still important for section plenty of scary stuff happening there too! Without intervention many years ago we and our babies may have died, hypnobirthing can be helpful but sadly not all births are doable without help!! My first was 11lb 1 and had a total cone head when he appeared via section after many hours of labouring...no one had a clue I was carrying a big baby and hypnobirthing just wasn't going to cut it! Good luck, I hope you have the birth you want or cone to terms with the birth you get ASAP!