To feel pissed off with hypnobirthing

[thatsnotmyname33]

Just a rant really.

I have been reading up on hypnobirthing in preparation for my second baby due in the next few weeks. My first birth was quite stressful, lots of interventions and ended with an emergency section so this time I had hoped for a VBAC and was open to the idea of a calmer, more controlled birth like hypnobirthing promotes.

However the more I've read the more it has annoyed me. It doesn't take into account the possibility of complications. The whole narrative is that your body is designed for this and should be able to do it providing you breathe properly and have some nice whale music playing in the background.

I'm probably finding it harder because it's looking likely that another c section could be on the cards for me and I'm sick of reading birth stories about how proud and powerful women felt after birthing 'naturally'. I really wanted that feeling but I want my baby here safely more.

I don't know, I just find it all a bit simplistic and one dimensional, like the only births that really count are the ones that are natural. Am I just being a cow?

I did a class and they covered all bases. I could have used what I learned there for home, hospital, emergency c section etc. it was all about having control of your thoughts and keeping calm and allowing what is going to happen, to happen.

I think you just have to take what you can/want from it. I agree that a lot of it isn't helpful and can make people feel like they have 'failed' if things don't go to plan. I did the positive birth company and didn't massively buy into the whole hypnobirthing - my husband was definitely not the keeper of my cave, there were no fairy lights or fancy aromatherapy sprays being squirted around the room but I found the science behind what your body is doing at each stage helpful and the breathing techniques/counting really helped and my birth was calm and I didn't panic/scream/shout despite everything going from 0-100 once the induction started and baby ending up being suctioned out with no epidural 😑

I couldn't do the 'partner reading empowering scripts to you' bit though. I just laughed because I was cringing haha.

You can't prepare your way to an easy birth and anyone who tells you you can is selling snake oil. Hypnobirthing is a useful concept, but it's not a silver bullet, and as with so many things it's gone from a useful additional tool to something people revere as if it's literal magic.

Really hope your birth goes well - I'm hoping to do a bit of hypnobirth prep for a c section, just in terms of breathing and calm etc.

I think it depends on the author of the book really. Some are way too focused on the natural way and others are more about relaxing whatever happens.

I mean this kindly, but I think your projecting your own fears and worries onto this. This is not what hypnobirthing is about.

It isn't the e be all and end all or a magic bullet, but reducing stress, fear and over medicalisation of birth CAN help reduce the likelihood of complications. But then again complications can happen whatever we do and thank god for modern medical intervention when they do.

you're

Oh for an edit function!!

I had a horrible birth experience with DD1 and I had to leave the NCT because of it. Their whole ante natal classes centred around non intervention ‘normal/natural’ delivery. I was inadequately prepared and went into it with false expectations. I was physically very ill after having her and ended up with PTSD from her delivery.
I did do hypnobirthing in the run up to having DD2. I think the thing that helped was I had no expectations that this was going to be a magic bullet, I ended up having an elcs scheduled 10 days before her arrival. It helped me mentally manage my anxiety prior to her delivery (I was very anxious I’d go into labour before my cs date etc etc).
A good hypnobirthing therapist will inform you of all your options, how to prepare for the birth but also how to deal with the unexpected

I hypnobirthed through my emergency section. It's not just for natural births.

Milli Hill is an absolute star for standing up for women.

My hypnobirthing therapist was brilliant at helping me lose the fear I had after a traumatic birth. She taught me techniques I've able to use in other situations when I've needed to feel calm. I think it must be really difficult to learn how to use hypnobirthing just from a book. I found it took quite a lot of practice before I was able to do it successfully. Without the support of those around me I ended up demanding (and being refused) an epidural. With the support of those around me I was able to have a totally pain free birth with no pain relief. Obviously some interventions are going to be required whatever, but I do think some interventions could be avoided if the mother is being cared for properly and is allowed to be calm, and knows how to be relaxed.

The problem is women feeling they have somehow failed if they don't have the ideal birth. It's not hypnobirthing that's the issue here, it's the author of the particular hypnobirthing book you're reading (which one is it's?)

I just focused on using hypnobirthing pregnancy track everyday - more like daily meditation, it was brilliant for feeling rested. The just used same music in birthing room to put me in the right frame of mind and remain calm.

I did a hypnobirthing course and felt like I was being sold snake oil at times. Yes relaxation and guided mediation is a good idea, but it came along with quite a lot of woo that made me suspicious (the course leader tried to do a bit of group hypnosis a little bit like a stage entertainer, and was very anti intervention to the point of some advice bordering on dodgy re home births and so on. She also claimed to have give birth without pain and then kind of admitted in the last session that it had actually been painful, it was just that she “chose not to call it pain”. Oh aye, did you now?)

Nevertheless I was all for it but ended up with an induction and traumatic birth with interventions. The course leader then didn’t invite me to the group meet up because my birth hadn’t been natural enough!!! (I later heard from another girl in the course who’d had a C-section that she hadn’t been invited to it either.)

To add insult to injury, in a very painful induced hypertonic birth the breathing and relaxation exercises did absolutely nothing.

I get the idea behind it all, but be mindful of the fact that it can be rather overly optimistic at the least, and selling you a pup at the worst. If it works for you and you have a straightforward birth, great. But don’t get too overly impressed by all the “breathing the baby out with no pain” stuff which is very likely not to be what you end up experiencing…

Completely agree!!
They completely skip over anything that isn’t the ‘perfect/ideal’ birth. I was induced, needed the ventouse (sp?) and had an episiotomy - I did 2 different hypnobirthing courses and none of them prepared me for anything I experienced

After my birth I felt angry. One of the courses told me I can ‘breathe the baby out’.. obviously not when there’s meconium and they’re not in the correct position so need assisted delivery!
Agree that they make it feel like your fault

I’m grateful for my friends who have told me their real experiences and haven’t fluffed it up. It’s important to be knowledgable about all eventualities

And the last thing we need after a traumatic birth is to feel bad about ourselves and to feel it was our fault

@tigerbird - that is absolutely appalling! I wish people like that could be named and shamed - were you able to leave a bad review?

My NCT anti natal teacher many, many years ago was a bit like that, fortunately my experience of hypnobirthing was very positive.

The whole narrative is that your body is designed for this and should be able to do it providing you breathe properly

Yeah - I lol at FTM being convinced it’s a fucking walk in the park and getting convinced they don’t want any intervention ‘because it’s what are bodies are meant to do’. Ok our bodies are also meant to die.. do they think women just walk into the labour ward with a perfectly progressing labour and go ‘oh I’d really fucking love it if you’d slice me from vag to arsehole now please. Thanks.’

Of course not. The baby’s heart rate is dropping/your BP is skyrocketing/insert gynae emergency here

I think you're being unreasonable and projecting a lot.

Many women are tense, stressed and afraid when giving birth and this does cause avoidable problems.

Many other women have unavoidable complications.

Hypnobirthing can help with one group.

No one sane thinks you can visualise away a wrapped cord or breech baby. That is not what is really being said.

With anything in life, you have to pick and choose what is useful and sack off the rest. The PBC explanations of what happens in labour were really good and I like some of the affirmations. But I'm not keen on any of the guided meditations so don't bother with them.
I spent a fortune on in-person hypnobirthing classes with my first pregnancy and fuck me did she peddle some shite, and frankly dangerous advice. The unregulated nature is worrying as some women will swallow it whole without questioning.
I'm following some hypnobirthing social media and some of them really do go too far, encouraging an unhelpful "us vs HCPs" narrative, suggesting all intervention is negative, advocating for people to covertly record their midwives or consultants because they can't be trusted etc. I don't think that's helpful for any woman who ultimately needs to have a good relationship with their healthcare providers.
If we want maternity care to improve, we need to take the best of both worlds. Our local MLU is gorgeous (low lights, lots of equipment for movement/comfort etc) but as soon as you're high risk and in the labour ward, all that's taken away from you as if it's frivolous and just for fun.

I very strongly think that whatever works for you to make you feel more in control- whether that's planning a section or freebirthing in a forest- should be your own prerogative.

My first was a hospital birth and while technically there were no 'interventions' it was a really traumatic precipitate labour. My second was at home, in water, but I hated the idea of hypnobirthing. I found a book called 'birth skills' super helpful- lots of ideas on pacing and shouting, no woo.

But if I had wanted to hypnobirth then that would have been great. I actually didn't find it was pushed at all by the nct- mine did loads on interventions- but this seems to be very variable depending on the facilitator. I do think there is an 'industry' around this, as with so much else with babies, but you don't have to engage.

I couldn’t agree more OP. I’m sure some therapists are amazing and I’m really glad it’s helped lots of women, but it was really growing momentum after the very traumatic birth of my daughter, and seeing contacts on Facebook talk about their wonderful hypo birthing experience added massively to my feeling of guilt and general trauma. Now I’m in a better place I can see that said way more about me than them, but I totally see where you are coming from. From what it’s worth my second was a planned CS and was amazing.

@carefullycourageous “ Many women are tense, stressed and afraid when giving birth and this does cause avoidable problems.”

I think this comes dangerously close to ‘blaming’ women for bad birth outcomes (“if you were relaxed this wouldn’t have happened”) and is an over simplification of the process.

Really dislike PBC, I had my baby 3 months early via emergency c section, so obviously a very anxiety provoking situation, but hypnobirthing techniques really helped me get through the actual section. I thought I had a really positive experience of using hypnobirthing during my birth but they wouldn't let me post about it, probably because they considered it "negative" due to the circumstances.

Someone I know does hynobirthing sessions. Not exactly how trained you she is on it but she did some sessions for someone I know. I ended up having a heated conversation with her as she was also coming from this point of view that if you relax everything will be fine. She’s never had a baby either, so has no idea just how painful it is and how likely complications are to arise.

So my friend had her baby and all was great. Said friend was pleased the hypnobirthing did its job. Fast forward 2yrs later and friend is having 2nd baby and announces that she’s having a planned section. When I discussed it with her turns out her first birth was very traumatic and she had a baby tear. Not as peaceful and straightforward as hynobirthing friend made out!

Yes relaxing does help. I had DS1 very young, I had an epidural soon after I arrived at hospital as with all 3 of my children I had contractions every 2-3 mins from the start. 2nd and 3rd I did try and relax more and listen to my body and was very against an epidural. I can see that there’s a lot of sense in hypobirthing as with DD (3rd baby) I focused more on my breathing, relaxing into the contractions a bit more and it did help the pain. But you have to be realistic, I ended up with forceps with DS1 as he was big. 2&3 no problems, not even a stitch but they were smaller. Good luck OP!

YABU. I did hypnobirthing with my second baby after an emergency section with first. Honestly, I felt so much more in control. My birth plan covered most eventualities that could have cropped up and I used the brain acronym to make decisions about what I would accept and why. I am one of those women who would have refused induction if not medically necessary as long as scans and monitoring showed that all was well. Induction increases risk and that should be weighed up against

Sorry, posted too soon. This should be weighed up against the reasons for needing it. Whether to accept interventions during pregnancy is a personal choice, some are happy to have inductions because they're 40 weeks and that's fine, their call. For me, in the absense of any medical necessity I would have absolutely refused. I had a vbac with my second. Was it the calm, zen experience I was hoping for? Of course it wasn't But I felt in control and able to make the right decisions for the situation and for me that was so so important after not feeling at all in control during my first.

Yes I think YABU. Resting random stuff on the Internet isn’t going to give you the best experience of hypnobirthing.

Id recommend mindful mamma. Either the classes or at least the book.
www.mindfulmamma.co.uk/

The approach isn’t about a vaginal drug free birth at any cost. It’s about knowing your options, feeling empowered to make decisions and ask the right questions. As well as giving you coping strategies for the different stages of labour. Yes she does cover C-sections too.