Friend won’t accept daughter hurt mine

[Ems11]

I have been friends with someone over 15 years. We both have daughters the same age. They had been friends since they were 3 years old. As the years went on there were incidences between them at first very innocent but escalated. Her daughter pinching mine, pushing her saying mean things, hiding her toys or breaking them.
We always tried sorted things out between us but there was never really acknowledgement of any wrong doing which I let go for the sake of our friendship.
The girls are now teenagers and things has turned toxic. There has been subtle exclusion at first, alienation, turning mutual friends against her, fat shaming, calling her ugly name but a few. I went to my friend but it all fell on deaf eyes. She wasn’t punished and her daughter actually gloated at me the next day laughing into my face to show my chat didn’t work. My friend went on like nothing happened and for a few months so did I for the sake of our friendship.
Then the group chats started, she added my daughter into group chats with other girls calling fat, ugly, loner etc. My daughter was so upset. I went to my friend again. Screenshot the messages and sent them to her. Again nothing just well they shouldn’t be friends anymore if they don’t get on. No acknowledgement for the things said.
I have always tried to keep our friendship separate to the girls but it’s been at the detriment of my daughter.
Her daughter is going around happy as Larry with all the friends while my daughter sits in. My friend and I, our friendship seems to be ruined. It’s so awkward now, it’s like we avoid eye contact if we do bump into each other.

Would you let the friendship go and leave sleeping dogs lie?

Not too pile on , but you absolutely have not had your daughters back on this. And she'll be old enough to realise it.
A few little spats is fine, but outright bullying ?
Get your head right OP. You're teaching her all manners of crap behaviour acceptance
Dump the "friend" apologise profusely to your daughter.
Take her out. Spoil her. And block all social media for her to this girl. Make sure the school knows.
It ends today

Don't understand why you have let this go on for so long. Your poor daughter 😥

I couldn’t be friends with someone who allows my daughter to be bullied.

Please let this friendship go and stand up for your daughter as you should be doing, as your primary concern.
Get daughter to leave all these WhatsApp groups today. Unfortunately because they're not at the same school you can't report it to HoY. So now I'd focus on developing dd's friendships with the girls from her school who are already friends.

I too am staggered and saddened. Where had your mindset been? Clearly not prioritising your dd.

Report the cyber bullying to the police, that will send the right kind of message, that you won’t tolerate your child being harassed or bullied. You need to step up and protect your child from now on, not pussy foot around trying to save face and a friendship that should not be more important than your child.

Report the bullying to the school and police and stop being friends with this woman.

You need to demonstrate to your DD what boundaries really are.

In your shoes, I would have let the friendship go the instant it was made clear my daughter's feelings meant nothing and she was happy to let the bullying continue without saying anything to her daughter. They both sound nasty.
I would also not have tolerated a teenager laughing in my face and would have had some very strong words for her back then.

For a thread about bullying there is a lot of unkindness being directed at the op. Ironic.

@TeddyBeans

I'd have given up a long time ago. Effectively you're showing your daughter that your friendship is more important than her feelings

This! Why on earth did you let it go on this long?

"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." ~Maya Angelou

This was never a real friendship. Walk away, block, don't look back. Your dd needs to block anyone who gets involved in bullying her. The girl will soon run out of avenues to get at her. In the meantime work on your dad's self esteem and resilience which will undoubtedly have taken some knocks. Support her with positive friendships.

If I was your dd, I’d wonder why you were still friends with the mum who would turn a blind eye to such behaviour.

I think you need to accept that all three of you have hurt your daughter.

The kid for being a bitch
The mum for refusing to reprimand teen bitch or bring her behaviour in hand from age 3 onwards.
You for modelling over a decade worth of sucking it up in order for you to maintain your frankly weak friendship

@Orchidsonthetable

I’m not sure why yoire so focused on this girl being punished. It’s like your main focus. When your focus should be on helping your daughter deal with this, how to extend her friendship circle, how to support her.

This. Accept your ex friend is never going to punish her daughter. Block both the arseholes from you and DDS life. Focus on your DD. She needs you right now. Her self esteem must be rock bottom. She needs support.