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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this isn't a lie in

95 replies

Oysterbabe · 20/03/2022 08:15

My 4 year old is a naturally early riser. He bounces out of bed at 5, sometimes before, shouting for me and asking for breakfast. I've tried to get him to stay in bed or his room at least but there's zero chance of him going back to sleep. He is full of beans. I get up with him every day. Occasionally at the weekend DH will 'let me have a lie in' on one of the days. What this means is that I get up at 5 as usual and a couple of hours later he wanders down and suggests I go back to bed. When I've been up for 2 hours, drank 3 cups of coffee, made breakfast and watched a film on Disney+ there's no chance of me going back to sleep. I sometimes go back to bed and just read or mumsnet. It gets my back up when he then says I had a lie in. It's not a lie in.

OP posts:
thebigpurpleone · 20/03/2022 08:17

Why are you letting him get away with this? You need to have a set day where your husband gets up at 5 and goes downstairs and you sleep.

mrsed1987 · 20/03/2022 08:18

Have you talked to him about it and suggested he needs to get up at 5am and then you could have a lay in.

I get up every day (although luckily for me it's closer to 7am) but when I do want a lay in I just say!

Overthebow · 20/03/2022 08:22

Have you told him it’s not a lie in? Is he refusing to get up at 5am?

OtiMama · 20/03/2022 08:23

You are too nice! I would be insisting at least one day of the weekend he's up whenever your son is. You deserve a proper lie in!

litlealligator · 20/03/2022 08:25

It's not a lie in and you need to insist he gets up at 5 one day, it's not fair.

Howabsolutelyfanfuckingtastic · 20/03/2022 08:26

That's not in any way a lie in, ur dh is batshit Hmm
If neither of you work weekends then it's fair that he has a sleep in one of the days and you do on the other day. Probably best if you decide a day each so you know who's getting up on what day. Good luck op.

HelloDulling · 20/03/2022 08:27

No, it’s not. He needs to get up on one of the days, and preferably a couple of week days too.

nomistake · 20/03/2022 08:28

Wtf? What happens if you suggest he gets up at 5am? Also, can you give your 4 year old a screen to watch for a bit at 5am while you stay in bed?

GeneLovesJezebel · 20/03/2022 08:28

No, he gets straight out of bed when his son wakes. No giving it another 5 minutes etc, straight up. He can always go back to bed later.

Veryverycalmnow · 20/03/2022 08:29

It's definitely not a lie- in! Yanbu

DrSbaitso · 20/03/2022 08:30

Why don't you take it in turns to get up with him on weekends?

WaterBottle123 · 20/03/2022 08:31

Here to understand why the lazy bastard isn't getting up at 5am EVERY SECOND DAY.

Having a big important MAN JOB isn't an excuse

DuckyNoMates · 20/03/2022 08:32

Has this been going on for 4 years?!

Hercisback · 20/03/2022 08:32

You need to tackle the 4yo. Get a gro clock and he doesn't come out of his room til 6am. Push by 5-10 mins weekly until you're at 7am. 4yo can be awake but needs to be quiet. Leave a snack/drink if you need to. Do not interact with him apart from putting him back in his room.

Your DH should get up with him at least once a week.

earlydoors42 · 20/03/2022 08:32

My ex husband used to say the same!! "Enjoy your lie in" when he finally got up after I'd been up over 3 hours. Note I am no longer married to him.

OfstedOffred · 20/03/2022 08:35

I'd be working to shift 4yo sleep.

Black out blind, gro clock etc.what time is he going to bed and is he falling asleep by himself?

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 20/03/2022 08:37

Agree on both

4yr is old enough not to need you to get up at stupid o clock with him. Definitely Gro clock. Don't disturb mummy and daddy until the sun comes up on the clock. You can play quietly in your room or go downstairs and put the TV on but no waking parents

And DH should be getting up first at least 1 day on the weekend. If you both work then it should be 50:50. What reason does he give why he never has to get up at 5am on a Saturday when neither of you has work the next day. Because he has balls?

5foot5 · 20/03/2022 08:37

Agree with everything Hercisback said.

Also, you haven't said you are SAHM but I think we are assuming it. If you are actually out at work yourself and still doing all the early starts that is even worse.

In any case your husband is being a lazy bastard

Luredbyapomegranate · 20/03/2022 08:41

Tell him it isn’t and also tell him to get up…

But also - 4 is too old for this. Get him the GRO clock as PPs suggest, and leave him something to eat downstairs so he’s not hungry. It’s really important he learns to respect other people.

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 20/03/2022 08:43

I would think that at 4 DS might be able to get himself some simple breakfast too if he is hungry especially if you put the stuff out ready on the table.
Tell him that he's a big boy, this is the new weekend routine and you trust him to do it and get a star chart to reward not waking mummy.
My DD was a 5am riser at that age and I am fairly sure that when they were in reception I had stopped getting up with my kids on a weekend. Maybe not if still at nursery but working towards it.
The good news is it doesn't last forever and now she is a teen we have the opposite problem of having to be dragged out at midday.

Tontostitis · 20/03/2022 08:43

Get a screen for dc to use and stay in bed until 6 with dh AND dc have bfast prepped and give him that in bed too. If you never get a lie in neither does your dh.

Skyeheather · 20/03/2022 08:44

My DS is also an early riser but he can entertain himself until I get up, he has colouring books, Lego, puzzles. He knows if he presses button 5 on the tv remote he'll get Milkshake. Is there any way you can leave a snack and a drink out for him to have when he wakes? Mine doesn't have an appetite first thing and is happy to wait.

Or you pick one day each to have a lie in and tell DS that on Saturday/Sunday he has to wake Daddy up not you.

50DaysAF · 20/03/2022 08:51

That’s absolutely not a lie in. Why isn’t your DH getting up at least one morning at the weekend?

Notwithstanding this, we had a similar issue with our child and a groclock has been a game changer. You can start off at 5 and then wind it back gradually. Our DC know they aren’t allowed to get up until the sun is shining. Then they can get up and play in their rooms for a bit.

TheirTheyre · 20/03/2022 08:54

Can your son and dh share the bed one night at weekend and you sleep in kids room/on the floor or vice Versa then he has to get son and you get a sleep in? All these years of parenting and still some of us have to fight for a tiny wee bit of equality in parenting. I feel your pain.

Original poster
Oysterbabe · 20/03/2022 08:57

We both work in the week and are off at the weekends. I only work 4 days and he works 5, I do 32 hours and he does 37.5.
DH's reasoning is that DS wants me and will kick off if he goes down first. He's right about that. DS shares a room with his 6 year old sister and I try and get him out once he's awake and noisy so as not to disturb her. She'll sleep until 6:30 if undisturbed but will get up with DS if he's too noisy and wakes her.
I think because I breastfed for a long time it became very ingrained that mummy is the one who he wants at bedtime and when he wakes. DH does half of bedtimes now but I'm still doing every morning. If DH went in to him first he would kick off about it and wake his sister.
If we both got up and then I went back to bed after 5 or 10 minutes then I would be prepared to classify this as a lie in. I will not accept that our current set up counts.

I won't miss these sleep wars.

OP posts:
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