To think this isn't a lie in

[Oysterbabe]

My 4 year old is a naturally early riser. He bounces out of bed at 5, sometimes before, shouting for me and asking for breakfast. I've tried to get him to stay in bed or his room at least but there's zero chance of him going back to sleep. He is full of beans. I get up with him every day. Occasionally at the weekend DH will 'let me have a lie in' on one of the days. What this means is that I get up at 5 as usual and a couple of hours later he wanders down and suggests I go back to bed. When I've been up for 2 hours, drank 3 cups of coffee, made breakfast and watched a film on Disney+ there's no chance of me going back to sleep. I sometimes go back to bed and just read or mumsnet. It gets my back up when he then says I had a lie in. It's not a lie in.

You have a DH problem.

My ExH was a fucker of the highest order. Even he knew that you had to split the lie ins!

What happens when you ask why he doesn’t get up, or suggest you alternate?

That 's not a lie in. How early is your 4 year old going to bed if he is up at 5am? Maybe push back bedtime. Can he get his own breakfast and put the telly on? Though I still wouldn't want him waking before 6am.

Cross posted. But you still have a DH problem. If DS is unhappy and wakes his sister, that should still be down to DH to deal with. He’s a parent, he needs to do some (morning) parenting.

@Hercisback

You need to tackle the 4yo. Get a gro clock and he doesn't come out of his room til 6am. Push by 5-10 mins weekly until you're at 7am. 4yo can be awake but needs to be quiet. Leave a snack/drink if you need to. Do not interact with him apart from putting him back in his room.

Your DH should get up with him at least once a week.

THIS. Or buy a really big basic analog clock and hang it high on his wall. Mark on it with a sharpie where the hands need to be for him to be allowed to come and get you (6, 6.30, whatever) Then put Lego, books etc in his room and tell him he can quietly play until he's allowed to come and wake you.

Sorry, seen your update. Let the 4 year old kick off a few times and wake his sister. He'll get used to it eventually and it'll be worth it in the long run. Perhaps remind your husband that once a week is better than every other weekend and once in the week (or even 50:50) if you split over this.

@Oysterbabe

We both work in the week and are off at the weekends. I only work 4 days and he works 5, I do 32 hours and he does 37.5. DH's reasoning is that DS wants me and will kick off if he goes down first. He's right about that. DS shares a room with his 6 year old sister and I try and get him out once he's awake and noisy so as not to disturb her. She'll sleep until 6:30 if undisturbed but will get up with DS if he's too noisy and wakes her. I think because I breastfed for a long time it became very ingrained that mummy is the one who he wants at bedtime and when he wakes. DH does half of bedtimes now but I'm still doing every morning. If DH went in to him first he would kick off about it and wake his sister. If we both got up and then I went back to bed after 5 or 10 minutes then I would be prepared to classify this as a lie in. I will not accept that our current set up counts.

I won't miss these sleep wars.

He needs to do 1 morning at the weekend. It won't change unless he changes it.

You’re treating a 4 year old like a baby, you need to get stricter, not accepting daddy for comfort is ridiculous at this point.
I’d try the techniques suggested here and start it with a discipline talk with both dh and ds.

That's definitely not a lie in!

I had 2 early risers and it's hell. I'll also get that if a child naturally wakes up at 5, it's almost impossible to get them to sleep in until 7, no matter what well-intentioned posters may have you believe.

Your dh needs to let you have a lie in every weekend as other people have suggested. It's much fairer for you to take it in turns.

You’re letting you leave son dictate here and then your husband can’t win to be fair. It still isn’t a lie in if you’re getting up too and going back to bed after 10 mins.
Just have a day each to get up. If your son kicks off then so be it, it’s his dad, he has to get used to it.
Second all the comments on how to tackle the 5am wake up.

Well, DS needs to learn that sometimes mum does the early mornings and sometimes dad does. Your DH is using your DS’s behaviour as an excuse and you’re letting him. Once DS gets used to the fact that dad is getting him up on a regular basis, he’ll settle in to the routine and you get to lie in. But nothing’s going to change while everyone’s facilitating the status quo.

We used to take it in turns at the weekends
But without taking the mick....ie if I was up at 6 he'd come down around 8 and visa versa .
It worked for us

There are two days at the weekend you should each get a lie in day.

But I would also work on your sons sleep at the same time, or if I'm honest I'd let the 4 yr old into your bed if he'll settle with the tv on or some books etc so you can sleep.

You are making a rod for your own back - DH needs to share the mornings, DS may not like it and may kick off, but it has to be done. Hopefully after a while DS will accept it more.

Why are you minimising how shit he’s being in your follow up post? He needs to find ways to get him up without waking his sister, why wouldn’t he?

I breastfeed, DD sometimes prefers me, sometimes prefers dad. We don’t let that dictate who gets up and we split weekend lie ins.

You’re being very passive. If you’re not happy then make changes. If you won’t do that then you’ll have to just accept it and be “grateful” you get a rest later on.

A 4 year old shouldn’t need entertaining from 5, that’s the nighttime in this household no matter how old the DC, but if you’re okay with that then split the mornings equally between you. Your children have 2 parents and they need to get used to being cared for by both of you.

That's not a lie in, and you need to get some decent earplugs/tell DH it's his turn to get up.

Can't you just take him out of the bedroom so he doesn't wake DD and settle him downstairs with some food and the TV/ toys and go back to bed? You can still use the Gro clock and tell him he gets a star on his chart if he doesn't disturb you again until the sun comes up on the clock.
You work pretty much the same so this needs to be a 50:50 responsibility.
You need to agree a new routine with DH that you are both going to stick to
I get that when you are tired you just do what seems expedient at the time but long term it's not good for you or for DS to allow this to go on. Obviously DS is going to carry on getting up at 5am because he gets 1:1 attention from his mum when he does that. You and DH both need to be on the same page to tackle it.

Just stop getting up. Stop it. Nothing will change while you're still doing all the early mornings.

Your 4yo is more than capable of understanding that mummy is in bed so daddy is going to get up with him today. If he kicks off, so be it, your DH will just have to take him downstairs and keep him distracted and busy.

But I agree with PP that you need to focus on your DS as well. He may be up at 5am naturally but that doesn't mean he gets to wake up the whole house - he's old enough to go downstairs and watch TV or watch something on an iPad for a bit while you all sleep in.

I would actually be dead if I had to get up every day for years and years at 5am solo parenting then do a full days work.

Your husband lucked out with you.

I have no idea at all why you accept this inequality.

DH's reasoning is that DS wants me and will kick off if he goes down first. He's right about that.

Well that's handy, isn't it? And I'm guessing H has absolutely zero motivation to try to change that. At 4, it's easy enough. "Ssssh, let's sneak downstairs and make an amazing surprise for mummy!" "Shh, let's have a secret special breakfast!" "Shhh, whoever can be most quiet wins [insert small prize]!"

Mothers' Day next Sunday. He can start then.

Great idea!
Mothers Day is the first day of the new regime

There’s no need for a four year old to need entertaining at 5am. There’s also no need for you to always get up.

Your son is more than old enough to be told that sometimes it will be daddy that gets up.

Your husband needs to stop taking the piss and take his turn at the weekends.

So your DH and your DS rule your house and you just go along with it ? Stop enabling it .

@Hercisback

You need to tackle the 4yo. Get a gro clock and he doesn't come out of his room til 6am. Push by 5-10 mins weekly until you're at 7am. 4yo can be awake but needs to be quiet. Leave a snack/drink if you need to. Do not interact with him apart from putting him back in his room.

Your DH should get up with him at least once a week.

This

With a natural early waker I agree that you're not going to get them staying in bed till 7 am, not till age 10+ and more likely teens. But yes to working on teaching them to stay put till 6 am at least.

If it wasn't almost clock change time, I'd agree with those saying adjust by a little every night. But since the clocks will be going forward, I'd put a plan in place to use that to your advantage. Definitely a gro-clock or anything they can learn to recognise 6 am, prepare them for it over the next couple of weeks, and then when the clocks change and maybe they manage to get much closer to 6 am you can praise him massively for it and then try to hold the habit as the early mornings continue to get lighter.

Good luck, I think my youngest was 5 before we got him to 6 am, but even 5:30 makes a difference.

And equally agree that your DH needs to take turns in the mornings!