To think this isn't a lie in

[Oysterbabe]

My 4 year old is a naturally early riser. He bounces out of bed at 5, sometimes before, shouting for me and asking for breakfast. I've tried to get him to stay in bed or his room at least but there's zero chance of him going back to sleep. He is full of beans. I get up with him every day. Occasionally at the weekend DH will 'let me have a lie in' on one of the days. What this means is that I get up at 5 as usual and a couple of hours later he wanders down and suggests I go back to bed. When I've been up for 2 hours, drank 3 cups of coffee, made breakfast and watched a film on Disney+ there's no chance of me going back to sleep. I sometimes go back to bed and just read or mumsnet. It gets my back up when he then says I had a lie in. It's not a lie in.

@Hercisback

You need to tackle the 4yo. Get a gro clock and he doesn't come out of his room til 6am. Push by 5-10 mins weekly until you're at 7am. 4yo can be awake but needs to be quiet. Leave a snack/drink if you need to. Do not interact with him apart from putting him back in his room.

Your DH should get up with him at least once a week.

There is no way my early riser would have done that, even now at 15 they get up at 5.30 most days.

Wow 5.30 at 15!
My DD was an early riser all through primary then it was like a switch flicked in her teenage brain and as soon as she turned 13 she started sleeping as late as she could. It will be midday if she's not disturbed now.
When she was tiny I used to class it as a good day if the Today programme had started in R4 when I staggered to the kitchen and a bad day if bloody Farming Today was still on!
She never woke up later than 6.30am all through primary school but she did learn to get her own breakfast and put the TV on and not disturb us.

There is no way my early riser would have done that, even now at 15 they get up at 5.30 most days.

But getting up doesn't mean waking the whole house

SN aside, most young children can be trained to go downstairs and watch TV or play quietly by themselves for an hour or two before going to get their parents for breakfast. You could even leave a cup of juice and some cereal or brioche out for them to snack on.

@99pronouns

I would actually be dead if I had to get up every day for years and years at 5am solo parenting then do a full days work.

Your husband lucked out with you.

I have no idea at all why you accept this inequality.

Would not getting a lie in 7 days a week be ok, if the parent was a SAHP? I'm just curious.....

My ex was like that. Note the word 'ex' as he refused to change. He's had as many lie in's as he likes for the last 13yrs as he's not seen the children since.

It’s not a lie in and honestly the fact that your wee one will kick off isn’t an excuse, it’s an opportunity for his dad to parent him.

No, that’s not a lie in. I think you need to have a clear conversation with your DH about it!

Well he’s just a useless lying idiot isn’t he.

Of course that’s not a lie in, he’s the one having the bloody lie in!

Firstly your husband should be getting up 3 mornings a week and you should be doing the other 4 (one weekend lie-in each, you get up with DS on the day your husband works and you don't, and you both do 2 days each on the days you both work).

My DS has just turned 5 and he much prefers me but that doesn't mean we let him dictate who looks after him 🙄 We tell him "it's mummy's turn" and "it's daddy's turn", he's perfectly capable of understanding that we take turns to get up with him, and has been for ages.

Your DS might kick off to begin with, but you should explain to him in advance that you're going to start taking turns, and when he kicks off, just be calm, kind but firm. He will accept it very quickly I think. (My DS did and he is hard work!)

As for trying to make the 5am waking later... I guess with the clocks going forward it will become 6am, which is much more reasonable, so perhaps you could hold out until then? Otherwise I was going to suggest persevering with the gro clock (you do know you can lock it so they can't fiddle with it to make the sun rise?!) and just make "sunrise" later very gradually eg in 10 minute increments every few days.

Oh and don't do as PPs suggest and wait until Mother's Day for your first lie in. You need to start NOW so that the tantrums are over with and he should be more used to it by then. The first few times DH gets up with him you are likely to be awake anyway because you'll hear the tantrum and be stressed out by it (and/or he'll come into your bed wanting a cuddle despite DH telling him not to... happens all the time in our house!)

What works best for us is DH motivating him to go downstairs by suggesting his favourite breakfast or something.

One more thought (sorry)... I've read that overtired children can wake up too early, strangely, and sometimes an earlier bedtime actually helps. I can't remember exactly but I think a 4yo is supposed to have about 11 hours sleep (give or take) which means that if you want him to wake up at 6am, bedtime should be 7pm... of course some children need less sleep and he might be one of them. But I do wonder if you could try bringing bedtime forward a bit and see what happens. Try 7 for 7.30?

I really don’t get all the people saying tell a four year old to stay in his room for hours after he’s woken up! What is he’s hungry? Also unsupervised young child awake in the house and everyone else asleep? Seriously? My daughter used to get up super early, she is five now and wakes 7.30 on the dot daily. She goes to bed 7.30pm. Maybe you need to push his bedtime back to a little later?

"she is five now and wakes 7.30 on the dot daily. She goes to bed 7.30pm. Maybe you need to push his bedtime back to a little later?"

Did you not read the part where OP said he goes to bed around 7.30 and is asleep by 8? So he's only getting 9 hours of sleep a night. Your DD is getting 12! He doesn't need a later bedtime, OP said she'd tried it and it didn't work, anyway. If anything he needs an earlier bedtime.

@Flowerpower23

I really don’t get all the people saying tell a four year old to stay in his room for hours after he’s woken up! What is he’s hungry? Also unsupervised young child awake in the house and everyone else asleep? Seriously? My daughter used to get up super early, she is five now and wakes 7.30 on the dot daily. She goes to bed 7.30pm. Maybe you need to push his bedtime back to a little later?

Nobody's saying leave him there for hours, but four is old enough to be left to play quietly in their room for an hour or two into a more reasonable hour.

If he's hungry then you can prep some safe snacks the night before and leave them in the living room - a cup of juice or water and some brioche or similar is plenty until the adults get up a bit later.

Unless there are SN involved you can certainly leave a four year old to go downstairs and watch TV - just lock the rooms you don't want them to have access to and make sure there's nothing dangerous they can pull on themselves.

I was certainly getting up and going downstairs to watch TV at that age without supervision - it's not that outrageous a suggestion!

Sounds like my ex
My ds is an early riser but its not a problem now he is 8
He even did his cereal this morning !
At 3 I started with the gro clock and had success with it but it takes at least 2 weeks for them to " get it "

Agree it is not a lie-in.

You and your DH need to be stricter with your DS and insisting he remains in his room beyond 5am. Giving in to pester power is setting yourself up for issues later on.

That's definitely not a lie in. Please stop making your husband's case for him.

One morning at the weekend is the least he should be doing.

Your DS will be fine with his dad after an adjustment period. The first few times if he makes a fuss and your DD also wakes up then your DH will just have to deal with it, like he's left you to deal with waking up at 5 every single day.

The current arrangement is grossly unfair. Perhaps go stay with your family or friends the first couple of times. Your DS will absolutely adapt. Your husband won't as long as you keep making excuses for the way things are. Best of luck

@NameChange30 sorry I must have skim read that part 🤦🏼‍♀️ Yes deffo don’t make his bedtime later in that case!!

He’s ruthless isn’t he.

He has zero excuses for not letting you have a lie in.

Why do people treat their spouses like this?

DH needs to nip in and get DS as soon as he wakes at 5 and take him straight down.

Yes DS will fuss the first few times but he will get used to it.

DH is having it too good, to your detriment. Put your foot down.