To be finding it so impossible to work FT and lose weight?

[Fat13]

Of course, this is on some level ridiculous because people do work full time and do lose weight or maintain a healthy weight and lifestyle but for whatever reason I don’t. I had a long period where I wasn’t working as lockdown 1 ran into my maternity leave so I was off for nearly 18 months. I did so much walking and managed gym visits when they started again, lost a lot of weight.

Now back at work and I just … can’t. Just so tired and run down I crave food and the cravings are overwhelming in a way they weren’t when I was off.

Anyone find the same?

You sound like me before I lost the weight - full of excuses. "Too tired, no time, can't resist the cravings, never been a runner, don't like running, can't exercise when I've got the kids with me" etc etc.

Took me a while - but when I realised almost everyone in a FT job with children is in this situation, it became much easier. Those women you see running fast 10ks at 5am, or running up hills with two kids in a running buggy, or doing weights in her back garden with two toddlers in tow, don't have easier jobs or better sleep or easier kids than you - they've just made different choices.

Sorry if that sounds preachy, but it's only when you accept that yes it'll be hard at first, but will eventually become much easier once you settle into the routine, that you'll make a long-lasting change.
Nobody wants to get up at 5am to run. But I do it by telling myself that I can stop after 10 minutes if I don't want to do it anymore. Funnily enough, when you're out there and a mile or two in, you don't want to stop!

All this last post stuff is so passive aggressive, it’s just making me not want to post.

I get that some people evidently have more willpower, organisation and generally are probably better at this whole human business than me. It does not mean I can’t post and admit I’m finding it hard.

And @NoSquirrels there is absolutely no way I am answering deeply personal questions like that from someone who doesn’t even want to talk to me!

See @fellrunner85 I’ve never seen that - but of course they make different choices. In fairness though some don’t work FT, or at all, or have different jobs.

And of course some people have a much more stressful life than me and are not fat. I do get I’m a useless failure but I can’t just change that?

Stop stressing about your weight.

There is a lot going on, take the pressure off by forgetting the diet just make some healthier choices replace white carbs with brown.

Prepare a healthy lunch and healthy cheat snacks in the evening.
Divina created lots of sugar free tasty treats if sweet things are your downfall.
If you've a half hour every evening to prep it'll make a huge difference.
My Dsis lost loads of weight eating plenty with slimming world, granted she changed to healthy options, less pasta more veg once the pounds fell off.

If you're not open to people trying to help what's the point in posting though? What do you want people to say- it'll magically be better? It's okay as everyone is in the same boat (they're not)?

@Fat13

All this last post stuff is so passive aggressive, it’s just making me not want to post.

I get that some people evidently have more willpower, organisation and generally are probably better at this whole human business than me. It does not mean I can’t post and admit I’m finding it hard.

No not PA. I cant help you Im afraid. You dont want suggestions of how you can manage this , just people to say they are the same. Thats not me, so not much point in posting.

@Peasock but surely you can see that most of what people are saying is common sense? I do know it. I just can’t do it.

I’m not trying to be critical of people helping and I’m going to hide the thread now as I’m starting to feel a bit upset and flustered by it.

It’s me who is an ugly useless fat piece of shit. No one else should get offended or annoyed by that! Just some people are failures and I’m one of them, OK?

@Fat13

That’s not my intention at all Seth but the thing is I do know what I have to do but I just can’t seem to do it.

I get that can be frustrating for people, it frustrates me, but that’s the reality.

Some stuff I genuinely can’t do as well, like walk to work. But the main problem is just that I can’t seem to do what has to be done.

I get it. I've been there. had a non sleeper and stressful job. it's bloody hard.

take it slow. one small change a week.
instead of supermarket with dc take them to the park. take a carrot sticks and a cuppa to satisfy a craving before dinner.

next week take a skipping rope to the park with you.

next week ...

It’smewho is an ugly useless fat piece of shit. No one else should get offended or annoyed by that! Just some people are failures and I’m one of them, OK?

You're the only person saying that, no one else has, many people are or have been in a similar position and this self deprication will lead to the self sabotage cycle continuing. Treat yourself with some respect.

Oh love, I understand totally how you feel. I have gained loads of weight in the last year or so and mainly it’s because of having a full on job and lacking the willpower to exercise every day and lay off the bread! I already naturally only eat between 12 and 8 pm, but as I can easily fit three meals into that time it doesn’t help me!
I don’t even have the excuse of small children and bring a teacher ( I have teacher friends and they work much harder than I do!)
Firstly I would say: be nicer to yourself. You are doing a lot, taking care of a lots of things, managing a full time teaching role and being ( I assume) a newish mum. Don’t beat yourself up. There are worse things than being a bit fat. Secondly, I relate to the cravings for sugar, and the need for reward, and it is just as hard to resist as any drug. I think shifting the focus from how you look to how you feel might help ( I am trying to do this as I have done it before and it does work). So, you can have cake and biscuits, but you will feel physically better an hour later if you have an apple. Have the apple, if in half an hour you still want biscuits you can have them. Nothing is forbidden, but try to tune in to how your energy levels feel if you snack on some almonds or carrot sticks in the evenings versus cake. Try and forget about weight loss and focus on feeling healthy. Also drink more water and herbal tea, because dehydration can make you really crave sugar. But mainly, be nicer to yourself. The other thing I find really good for endorphins is to put on some good music and dance like a nutter in my living room! You can get really sweaty and have your own personal club, and you don’t even have to leave the house. Little kids like to join in too

@Fat13 you aren't ANY of those things. If you see this, please know that actually it is completely normal to find this stuff hard. It IS hard!! It is especially hard with little kids, no free time and a sense of guilt that you 'should' be able to do things differently. Please don't feel guilty. We are all humans and we all have things that are hard. I'm 2 stone overweight from night time snacking because I find it too hard not to, for example. You are absolutely not alone in this

You are NOT a useless failure, and I totally understand how easy it is to fall into that cycle. I've been there, eating chocolate on the sofa because I'm tired and I've had a long day and I know the kids are going to have me up in the night.
But as the cliche goes, you have to choose your hard. It's hard to be overweight, it's hard to be tired, and it's hard to feel as unmotivated and low as you do now.
It's genuinely less hard - once you've got into the routine - to eat well, to be active, and to feel lighter and healthier. I get less sleep now than I did when I was overweight, but I feel far less tired because the exercise gives me energy, I don't drink, and I'm carrying around stones less weight.

Try it tomorrow - it's a Sunday, it's a lovely weekend and presumably you're not at work. Get up before the rest of the house and get out in the spring air for a walk/run, or the first session of c25k. You'll be back home before 6.30 or 7am, coffee on, feeling you've achieved something

"If you are popping into the supermarket on the way home then its likely you arent eating properly/ enough during the day."

That's not true because she says she's having cravings for bad things. It's not hunger.

What’s the point in this post if you don’t want advice and you just want to make excuses? It might sound harsh but there is always time. You’re just not prioritising it.

Now back at work and I just … can’t. Just so tired and run down I crave food and the cravings are overwhelming in a way they weren’t when I was off

A high protein diet helps with this, and smaller meals/snacks more often so you don't get the peaks and troughs of energy.

I hate to say it, but smaller meals supplemented by a protein drink or snack bar would help.

Two things that worked for me - Noom which is a diet app that includes the psychology about why you eat how you do. Have lost weight and kept it off. And aiming for short bits of exercise at home so that it’s easier to fit in to your day. 20 minutes a day is better than nothing and it works. It doesn’t have to be an hour gym session each time. Apple Fitness is good for this (about £10 a month so cheaper than gym membership) but there are lots of free resources on You Tube too.

I was told once by an expert that it’s more about the food than the exercise for weight loss and I’m sure that’s true. Not that exercise should be ignored for health reasons! Hope that helps.

This is said with love, and complete understanding of your feelings: you're not ready to lose weight. You're telling us all why you can't: exercise; stop buying treats; get any more time; eat differently; stop the cycle.

And that's fine. But - and again, with empathy - we are all in the same boat. Very few people have the luxury of time without stress to succeed in this. But lots of people do.

Come back when you're ready to lose the weight.

I beg you to read ‘the obesity code’ by Jason Fung. It’s scientifically sound (he’s an actual doctor and references high quality studies, which is more than nearly every other diet book ever) and you will find out exactly why it’s hard lose weight, work FT in a stressful job and parent small children. (There’s an audiobook). Some if the science can be a bit heavy going, but even if you don’t get all of it, the message is clear.

It’s not calories in versus calories out. If anyone wants to discuss that, or has read the book and has questions feel free to tag me (I’ll probably miss it if you don’t)

I am exactly the same.

The evenings are my problem. I treat food as a reward. Even if I manage a week without evening eating eventually I will crack and raid the supermarket. Even though I know it makes me feel awful, I will end up eating junk and drinking wine.

I managed to break the cycle a few years ago after reading the book The Kindness Method which is aimed at breaking negative patterns/addictions. I really need to go back to it. Eating has become a coping mechanism again due to pandemic (can't see my family), work (also a teacher), study, kids with SEN.

I also have 2 stone to lose.

For me I know in principle what I have to do, but actually doing it is what's hard.

You need to find something else to reward yourself with (something that makes you feel good). I find that slumping on the sofa and watching something I don't care about or browsing on my phone man I'm not really engaged in what I'm doing. Reading a book or watching a film/tv that I really want to read/see is what I need to do to stop the mindless eating. Or trainers on as soon as kids are in bed and walk with a podcast. Preparation is the key (if exercising my kit needs to be ready, trainers by the door).

Good luck!

Keep in mind hunger passes it isn't going to kill you.
Similarly abstaining from nicotine, the craving passes, be honest with your body, you cannot be starving when you had enough food throughout the day.
If you're starving opt for bulky foods, chunky vegetable soup with a lump of brown bread.
Shepherds pie with a side vegetables, if you've access to a microwave in work there is no problem.

It's really, really hard. But as other people have said, exercise isn't the main thing, it's about what you consume. But then you're working really hard, you've got small kids and you're tired, if you're using food for energy that really isn't any surprise.

Honestly I would just cut yourself some slack for now while you're getting back into the swing of working and buy a bigger pair of jeans. Also cutting booze might be a good option, or switching to vodka tonic rather than wine. I find I can usually shift about 5lb in a couple of months that way.

Agree with the PP. You are likely not eating anywhere near enough protein. It’s very satiating. It’s your mindset that’s off kilter but you can change your mindset especially if you are well nourished and not fuelling yourself on sugar.

If you like podcasts, I’d recommend Emma Storey-Gordon on IG and her ESGFitness podcasts. She’s not a crank or an influencer and very well qualified. She talks a lot about mindset and techniques to help change it.

To be honest I don't think exercise is the answer. 1 mars bar=about 30 minutes hard exercise.

I would am to loose weight by restricting calories, then try to get in a regime to keep it off (easier said than done).

It is also quite annoying that people are constantly taking cakes etc. into the work place. If you politely decline, you get "go on, it's only one" or its Friday or its my birthday. It is a lot easier to keep the discipline up when you are in a routine at home.

To be honest I don't think exercise is the answer. 1 mars bar=about 30 minutes hard exercise

But this is a fundamental misunderstanding of the benefits of exercise. Burning calories is a minute part of it.
Exercise has been proved to improve mental health, build muscle, improve heart and respiratory fitness, etc etc. It makes you feel and look better from the inside out. And if a 30 minute run means you can eat an extra chocolate bar then that's an added bonus, but it's not the point.