I have constant brain fog trying to figure out what is best in this situation and wanted the candour of strangers to give me some clarity.
I am a breadwinner wife with DS7 and DS 4.5. I've gone from a manageable role of 3 days a week to more senior role and 5 days a week. We did this so my husband could switch from a role in BIG consulting to go into teaching. He said it was impacting his mental health and we felt his health had to come first.
The finances just about work now the kids are at school. None of the flexibility or load-sharing promised along with his career move has materialised. I've had 4 days off work this week with the kids having Covid. HE has gone to work because teachers don't take time off during the term. I am going to have to work this weekend...
I am shattered from it all. Shattered from constantly asking him to do things. I put a chart together of what happens when and asked that we divvy up responsibilities e.g school admin.
Shattered from asking for basic level parenting at the end of the day, such as supervising school work, packing school bag, sorting PE kit.
Dishing up some oven food,
He works late and arrives just as the kids are going to bed.
I'm shattered from having to remember school things so my kids don't lose out - trips, special days, book day, money for school fairs.
Highlighting that the burden feels unfair and that I seem to be stuck with lots more responsibility results in name-calling, sulking or him going off to the gym.
After putting together a chart trying to show how much disparity there is in our roles, I've been on strike and just done stuff for me and the kids. Ignored his laundry, footy kits, meal prep, sorting out Sky (only watched by him). He has just been stepping over the chaos of a stinky mess that is the kitchen.
Nothing has changed, he just orders a takeaway to eat in the spare room or goes on Amazon watch-parties with his mates.
My days are spent, finishing work at 2, dealing with school run and children and then logging back into work at 8 and going til midnight.
His weekends are spent on his phone, moaning about the sport on tv and how the kids hassle him to do stuff. After telling him last night, I felt really disrespected, unappreciated and stuck, he said I was just giving him shit and he went to sleep in the spare room.
He has shouted at the kids this week, they are tired, Covid full and grouchy. They get tearful and I could chuck his sorry arse out on to the street.
I feel shattered. I've a chronic medical condition that flares up a lot after poor sleep or lack of physical activity. He simply said I look fine, it's not any worse than it was 5 years ago.
The options I see here are to:
Suck it up and expect it can't change, seek counselling to change how I feel
End the relationship and tough it out as a lone parent - which comes with huge lifestyle issues and to be honest, I'm terrified. No family support, parents are both gone.
Work on a way to help him effin contribute.
Am I just tired and unreasonable, could he have depression or something else? All/any thoughts welcome.