To think wraparound childcare for year 7 isn’t a thing

[BananaPie]

Help me solve a debate with DH..

I think that when ds goes into year 7 in a couple of years time he will be walking to school and back by himself. He’ll be home by around 4pm and will have homework to complete.

At the moment while he is at primary school he goes to the after school club most afternoons and either me or dh pick him up around 6pm (neither of us work from home).

I think that when he is at secondary school we will need to change our working hours so that one of us can be at home from around the time he gets back from school. That way we will be able to check he isn’t accidentally burning the house down and make sure he settles down to some homework.

Dh’s view is that this will be too tricky to organise with work and we should get a nanny / childminder/ tutor.

Wider context - some special needs issues and we can’t see ds being particularly independent/ sensible by the time he gets to year 7.

What do most people do?

In my experience. Secondary after school clubs get cancelled far too frequently to be reliable. Also the school has no process of informing parents when they do, they just send the children home. I've found secondary school to be unsustainable with full time work for both parents. Teens need a lot of emotional input that isn't really available from additional tutoring etc.

DS is in year one of secondary school and has ASD (Aspergers as it once was) we juggle it so that he is only on his own after school one day a week for 2hrs approx, he knows to get a drink and snack and he can play the xbox. Keep it simple. He's 12.

My DM years ago when she lived with her DM as a teenager - they had an au pair (who was apparently useless!) - would this be something you could look into?

Someone responsible but a bit older, who would do the au pair bit of an odd bit of housework but also ensure your DS is home from school and cook a light meal if need be?

I think he'd be fine with this idea until Y9 and then he can start looking after himself a bit more.

PS - You might find there are plenty of after school clubs ie/ board game, lego, drama etc that he could also go to.

If you're not comfortable with him being home alone for 2hrs, make use of after school sports/science/maths clubs, and the library. Then he's only home alone for an hour max.

Most children will just go home. So therefore no need for standard childcare.

However, if he has additional needs that's a separate issue and you may need specialist provision.

Is he going to a mainstream school?

Will he be walking himself home? If he's sensible enough to get home, then can he just watch TV for an hour or so.

Alternatively, most schools have a homework club or keep the library open

I'm a bit stuck with this too. Dd1 is fine in her own at home for couple of hours. Dt1 currently primary but will be too anxious to stay alone although v safe as very rule bound by his ASD. Dt2 confident to stay home and tries to be good but ADHD means random ideas that are acted on with no impulse control or consequences and then is utterly distraught at the unintentional outcomes 🙄. Its not fair on his siblings to take responsibility for him and school homework club finishes at 4....

I agree with the PP who said post lockdown Y6 are nothing like previous Y6. They missed out on a year plus of socialising and growing independence as well as schooling. My son's class missed an enormous amount of school, the majority of year 5.They all stuck to the rules and didn't see each other outside of school either. My son definately regressed in independence and social confidence - I've noticed he would rather jump in the car if I'm dropping dad off etc, where he waited at home before. Definately more so if it's dark too. He walks home with friends - but my partner is WFH. He takes 45 - 60 minutes to do so, despite it being a 15 minute walk. I think there is tree climbing involved 🙄He will bus to and from secondary school, the mind boggles as to how he will get to the bus on time to come home. He is very easily distracted. I would plan to build up gradually OP. He may surprise you, but the enormous amount of change all at once could be very anxiety provoking for a child with SN.

Our secondary does homework club too. I signed my DD up for it ahead of Yr 7 but then it was cancelled due to covid and I was wfh as well. By the time I was back in the office and the club was back on it seemed silly for her to go - she was so much more independent. I hear you that your DS has special needs but I think to a certain extent it is quite common to look at your DC, additional needs or not, in year 5 and think ‘I can’t IMAGINE them being independent enough for secondary school!’ But many of them do get there.

Ask about HW clubs and things when you look round schools. I’m sure you will be checking out SEN provision anyway. My DD’s school runs a specialist homework club for kids with additional needs too. One of her friends goes and there doesn’t seem to be any stigma attached.

It's a difficult one with SEN but essentially both of you are on the same page that he needs something. An app you can use to track him is useful as a back up.

School after school clubs can be tricky. My DC much prefer to walk home at 3pm with the crowd than at 4pm when there are much fewer students about, especially in winter when it's getting dark by the time they're home.

Obviously dependent on finances, but if you can afford to look at private schools they have a much longer day anyway and, if it's a school that offers boarding, will have the facility to have kids stay late. I used to teach in a school which had regular lessons til 4, then a compulsory activity til five, and then optional prep (homework) from 5-6. A fair number of kids in year 7/8 stayed through til six, got their prep done at school, and then were collected. This was a small school, fees were about £12k without boarding.

I think the reality is that it’s quite common to change hours so that kids aren’t left for prolonged stretches.
If you feel he needs care I wouldn’t rely on library/ school clubs as they’re frequently cancelled on the day and not seen as childcare by the school so the kids are just let go. There actually isn’t a club or library time on every day at our school either and they finish at 5 so might be worth finding out what your preferred schools have available

I am actually a bit surprised that so many finda that. an 11-12 year old is. too young to be on his own for 2. hours.

We started. slowly when DD was 9-10, went shopping without her, collected partner from the train, let her go on her own to an activity (was a relief as parking there was a disaster). By 10 she took the bus to meet a friend or met local friends at Costa.

In Summer term Y6 she would let herself in after school every now and then and was alone for an hour (we checked with neighbours, so she could go there if there would be an issue).

They are not suddenly. independent, they need to learn.

We have strict rules about things and so far she. never misused our trust.

With special needs YANBU. My DS doesn’t have SEN and he’s year 7, he lets himself in with a key. He’s sensible and I can trust him to do this, my year 5 and 6 DC do as well. They have phones if they need to contact us which they never really have. Younger DC walk home from primary and eldest gets 2 buses home from secondary. Your DS has SEN so totally different kettle of fish imo.

In year 5 I would have honestly thought DS was never going to be able for secondary school, even by the end of year 6 I didn’t think he would be able to catch the train to school, I thought he’d forget to get off and I’d get a call when he got to London (we are in Cornwall!). He is the sort of child who walks into lamp posts and the back of parked cars. I regularly used to have to grab him before he wandered out into the traffic and had to remind him constantly about basic living tasks like putting a shirt on or not leaving the house in slippers. He isn’t particularly SEN just not on this planet a lot of the time.
He is now in year 7, he hasn’t missed his train stop once, he manages to walk home alone, cross the main road, let himself into the house and even fix himself some toast. Honestly I can’t believe it’s the same child, he even manages to get himself to one of his extra curricular clubs without a hitch.
While it doesn’t hurt to plan ahead and obviously every child will grown and mature at different rates, you will be amazed at what they can achieve when they are 11/12 compared to when they are 10/11.

A Year 7 kid should in theory be able to go home unlock the door and not kill anyone for an hour before you get home. As someone else said I'd die if I had a childminder in year 7.

My daughter let her self in from yr 7 but one of the local schools offers an after school homework club.

Dd is 12 in the equivalent of yr7. I don't know any of her peers who have any sort of childcare. There are plenty school clubs that go on after school though for those that want it so dc aren't always going straight home

He'll be absolutely fine going home and letting himself in after school. He certainly won't need a nanny or after school care unless he's SEN?

Mine all let themselves in and stayed alive until 5.30/6pm daily

Why don't people read the OP properly, it's clearly stated that child had'some' SENs.

OP, only you know your child's independence but alit can change by year 7.

I see a lot of nanny jobs with mums looking for childcare for their year 7 child. Always a bit surprised by it but I guess it's a weird kind of age. Too old for minding but too young to be left home alone

I think it's a tricky age- some children will be fine to let themselves in, get on with homework, get a snack. Others are nowhere near ready, and that's without SEN to consider.

My 13 year old has SEN, he can let himself in (when he remembers his key!) but I'm only a few minutes behind him on my way home from picking up DD. He generally waits outside for us, even when he has his key.

So between DD's school having no after school club and DS's SEN, I have no choice but to work within school hours only.

DD will start secondary school next year and I'm confident that she'll be responsible enough to let herself in etc. There's a chance that DS still won't be able to manage it though, so I'll still have to stick with my school hours only job!

Our middle school has an afterschool club available for dc who go up to y8. My dc are currently y6 and y4 and I imagine they will continue to go to their childminder after school at some points next year. On days I'm not back until after 7 I wouldn't want to leave them alone, I think it's too long.