To think wraparound childcare for year 7 isn’t a thing

[BananaPie]

Help me solve a debate with DH..

I think that when ds goes into year 7 in a couple of years time he will be walking to school and back by himself. He’ll be home by around 4pm and will have homework to complete.

At the moment while he is at primary school he goes to the after school club most afternoons and either me or dh pick him up around 6pm (neither of us work from home).

I think that when he is at secondary school we will need to change our working hours so that one of us can be at home from around the time he gets back from school. That way we will be able to check he isn’t accidentally burning the house down and make sure he settles down to some homework.

Dh’s view is that this will be too tricky to organise with work and we should get a nanny / childminder/ tutor.

Wider context - some special needs issues and we can’t see ds being particularly independent/ sensible by the time he gets to year 7.

What do most people do?

@shrunkenhead

Do you know what time the school finishes? Some of my friends DCs went to a school which finished for the day at 2.30 and it was a long gap till the working parents got home, some did struggle. Also - holidays. My eldest has SEN and term times weren't a problem because I worked short days and was home by 3 but he wasn't ready to be left 9-3 at that stage, luckily there were a couple of sports-based camps that went up to age 13 that he was happy to go to.

I think you should. try. and make him independent enough to be at home for a couple of hours on his own.

DD would have been mortified to have a nanny looking after her and one of her friends continued going to the childminder where also her younger brother was and she said it was too loud to do homework.

Most schools offer clubs (can be cancelled on short notice though and are not necessarily all the time) and often have the library open for another hour. One school around here has a 7.30 - 5.30 policy and I know some parents liked it but unless the child doesn't have a quite place at home and prefers the study rooms/library they won't stay.

DD comes home, eats something, changes and tackles homework and enjoys Netflix. In the beginning we asked her to phone when she was in and we also. have the "find my phone" app so. we could theoretically. check if. she was. walking home. She is at home for just more than 2 hours before we. are back.

@drawingpad I might be winning at teaching my dd independence but clearly failing at reading the thread properly! Soz, OP, missed the SEN bit. Will the school make some provision for him Re after school care ?
He might have friends who he can go home with until you finish work (who have parents in the house to supervise) and collect him.
You've got two years, a lot can change.
Apologies again for sounding smug, I honestly missed the SN bit.

I actually tried to set it up and nobody wanted it

nokidshere
"I've been a childminder for over 20yrs and have had many children from yrs7-9 coming to mine after school. It's by no means unusual.

Most don't need looking after, they just prefer somewhere to hang out after school where they aren't on their own. Some like the company, some need the company, a few anxious ones need someone available immediately to discuss their day with. I feed them, chill, chat, help with homework if needed."

Hi OP, another one here who adopted the model described above by @nokidshere.

Childminder arranged in Yr7 and Yr 8. Child walked from school to childminder house daily, did homework there, with parental pickup after work.

By the time the child got to Yr9 they had developed the confidence to walk home and do homework themselves and were old enough and mature enough to handle being at home until parent got back from work and we gradually ended the Childminder arrangement.

The gradual shift also helped the parents and created a sense of security all round.

@StScholastica

My DS used to let himself in with a key in a keysafe. It worked well after an initial blip when I got home early and caught him watching the Simpsons whilst drinking a can of Stella.

“Hard day today, son?? “😂😂

I see no problem with using a childminder in year 7. It wouldn’t have worked for us to continue with the same one we had for years as my daughters would have had to walk there & it’s further than just walking home.
I walked home from secondary school, & eve n went to the primary to collect my sister, every night before making tea for the family! I’m not of the same mind as my mum was though.

I’ve always been surprised that parents of year 7 are happy for their children to walk home but wouldn’t have let them in year 6. There is literally six short weeks difference. I do appreciate I’m in a fortunate position though.

When DD14 started in year 7, I changed my working hours to finish at 3. She walked home with a friend to her house & I collected her from there. My work is a 15-20 min drive away. It’s only a 5 min walk between houses but a busy road she’d have to cross in between. Going to school, I dropped her at the same friends on my way onto work.

From mid year 8, she started walking home on her own.

I have a similar arrangement with one of DD11’s friends, only they meet at the local supermarket. I collect her from there too as it’s on the way home.

I appreciate I am lucky in having a flexible working arrangements, & still working from home the majority of the time, as I really wouldn’t feel comfortable with my 11 year old walking home & having a key to the house. It’s a big house, on a main road. It only takes the wrong person to see her letting herself in one evening & the rest doesn’t bear thinking about.

To those mentioning au pairs, it would have been perfect if the OP had a spare room. However, Brexit has ended the scheme which largely relied on Europeans and visa-free travel as they don’t earn enough.

Someone needs to be in around the rough time he gets in.

Iv changed my hours so I’m home at 4.

The Junior Engineer (yr 7) comes home on the bus by himself whilst I'm at work.
He's set up to WhatsApp me if he needs anything (he often sends me messages of a bird he's just seen in the garden or the model he's working on, just for chat) but he will also nip next door if he's spooked. He's quite an anxious soul so things like the cat leaving a dead rat under the table spins him out a bit.

Our secondary school offers after-school activities (quite surprised by the choices!) & also opens the LRC till 5:30.

Wraparound care does exist in secondary schools. I know a lot of secondary schools that have after school clubs that children attend while waiting to be picked up. Most run until six at the latest.

If your DC is not yet ready to let themselves in and be home alone for an hour or two then I think your basic choices are:

• employ some form of babysitter
• tell DC to use school library or a coffee shop or similar as place to wait and do homework, setting off for home to arrive when you do.

I wouldn't change work pattern unless the reason he's not ready is something that is enduring.

I’ve always been surprised that parents of year 7 are happy for their children to walk home but wouldn’t have let them in year 6
Yes, that would be abrupt.

That's why so many parents start training their children to come home alone during year 6 (or earlier, depending on location and traffic levels). Because it's much easier to get used to being on your own when you're on the deeply familiar route to primary, than when also dealing with new journey.

If at all possible I'd make sure either myself or his Dad were at home when he returned.
My DS often has issues he likes to talk through (or not!)and I wouldn't feel comfortable him coming home to an empty house when he's feeling the range of emotions he often does.
Do Grandparents live locally? I'd perhaps look at a grandparent coming around the first year or so if at all possible.
My DS would not take kindly to me organising proper childcare.

I’m really not sure if this is still possible or schemes still run, but in my day we got an au pair. They were great as could walk to get/drop kids off so they weren’t being carted around in car all the time ( though some au pairs did drive and make use of family car to do school run). I have 2 DS and we actually got male au pairs. So they’d get after school , have a bite to eat and drink, get changed and head out to the park for footy or mucking around for a good hour. The student would then get them settled into start of homework and could help them if they got stuck on stuff they could handle with their level of English,
We always took on lads form Europe who’d done their national service as they were mature, used to being independent but would accept being told what to do😉🤣
They were like a big brother to kids aged 8-13. To get them through that in betweeeny stage .

Yep, it’s not a bed of roses hosting a language student, it needs effort and sometimes a sort of parenteral intervention, and you need to be ok with someone living in your house full time. You also need to help with running them around to their social events (like you would as taxi of mum and dad) and help get them sorted for their language school, etc.

But it worked really well for us. It was very flexible, it didn’t matter if every now and then I had a very late day. They’d also be able to do the odd evening “babysit”.

Might be worth looking if schemes still do exist if you think this might be an option.

@MangyInseam

It depends a bit on the child and you won't know until closer to the time, but I would think a lot of kids that age could stay home without a nanny or sitter, at least some of the time.

Lots of kids start babysitting at 12!

I wouldn’t pay a 12 year old to look after younger DC.

A few observations having dealt with this very quandary (albeit without potential SEN).

If school finishes at 3:30pm and they are home alone by 4:30pm and you aren't home until gone 6pm expect to get in to mess & no homework having been done

DC love it because they get some independence and can essentially come in and slob about without any expectations -nagging- about homework, tidying up etc

Don't assume there is a bus to get them home if they stay on for an after school club/library

In Year 7 if you can find a friend, neighbour, childminder your DC can walk home to and stay with until you collect then I would recommend it at least for the first term or 2.

Don't underestimate how exhausting it is walking in the door everyday and then having to be the bad guy telling them to pick up their coats/shoes, switch off gadgets, get on with homework etc while you have to cook dinner

I didn't get in until nearer 7pm and by the time my eldest DC got to Year 9 it became apparent she was doing bugger all homework in my absence (despite assuring me it was done pretty much everyday ) and started falling seriously behind so I decided to make the move and find a job that was more flexible with some wfh and DH finished early once a week so most days were covered.

It was a hell of a lot easier managing work & children when they were babies/toddlers!

At my DC's school, lessons finish at 3.40pm but there are (free) clubs every day 4-5pm. If they do a club and then catch the later bus, they don't get home until 5.40 ish, so it's much easier for a parent to be home by then. Or if they don't want to do a club they can go to the library and do homework (they are not officially allowed to do this but no one minds as long as they are quiet and well behaved).

If you and DH finish around 6 could you not both apply to adjust your working hours a couple of days a week each so you get home at 5pm (or collect from ASC/library) most if not all days. It's not a massive shift just one hour but would make quite a difference and then you could almost certainly have DC just stay at school either at clubs or in the library doing homework.

We have middle schools where I live so it's definitely still a thing. The school had a private nursery the edge of its site and they had a really good set up for older children. Less childcare more hanging out with friends.

I have twins in year 7. We’ve adjusted working patterns so one of us is normally around to pick them up or meet them after school. If we can’t be there they can go to an after school prep club or to the library.

I can’t trust them yet to get on with homework / not fight / not spend all their time gaming. I do however leave them at home for an hour or two at other times.

You'd need to speak to the secondary school you choose over this one. when we looked at secondaries for DS (now yr 8) they had breakfast available from 8am and the library or after school clubs. Then Covid hit; breakfast is still not available, there are fewer after school clubs and the library isn't mentioned as an after school option. We've found that, with Covid, there's less homework than we were epxecting him to have.

I think that when he is at secondary school we will need to change our working hours so that one of us can be at home from around the time he gets back from school.

That certainly wouldn’t have been possible for us due to working hours-is that something you can do?

I would investigate after school clubs at the secondary-some do homework clubs as well. Otherwise a childminder. It’s much less usual with secondary age to need wraparound care but obviously if there are any additional needs, I can see why you are more cautious.

Would a ring doorbell (so you can see when he gets in) and a Ring camera in the lounge-so you can see him doing his homework (and not cooking fish fingers!), help in future? Or is that a bit stalkery??