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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think wraparound childcare for year 7 isn’t a thing

132 replies

BananaPie · 17/03/2022 23:07

Help me solve a debate with DH..

I think that when ds goes into year 7 in a couple of years time he will be walking to school and back by himself. He’ll be home by around 4pm and will have homework to complete.

At the moment while he is at primary school he goes to the after school club most afternoons and either me or dh pick him up around 6pm (neither of us work from home).

I think that when he is at secondary school we will need to change our working hours so that one of us can be at home from around the time he gets back from school. That way we will be able to check he isn’t accidentally burning the house down and make sure he settles down to some homework.

Dh’s view is that this will be too tricky to organise with work and we should get a nanny / childminder/ tutor.

Wider context - some special needs issues and we can’t see ds being particularly independent/ sensible by the time he gets to year 7.

What do most people do?

OP posts:
carefullycourageous · 18/03/2022 06:45

I think you can not judge now what you will need for your child in Yr7 but the following are all common in that year:

  • Go home to parents
  • Go home to an empty house
  • Go home and someone else be there, paid or unpaid
  • Go to someone else's house, paid or unpaid
  • Stay at school (ours has access to the library for an extra hour)
  • Go to activities
  • Combination

It may be that you can send him home alone for a couple of days but not all the days for example. Or you may be able to find a sensible sixth former who would like to earn a bit of cash by popping in and overseeing some homework.

BarbaraofSeville · 18/03/2022 06:48

@BananaPie

Thanks. Some really helpful ideas here. I guess we’ll work it out nearer the time, but there are a few options I hadn’t thought of.
If he's in Y6 now, it's something you can start easing him into over the next 6 months. Leave him at home while you pop out to the shop or whatever. Or send him to the shop, post box, etc etc.

But I do question your comment 'Dh’s view is that this will be too tricky to organise with work and we should get a nanny / childminder/ tutor'.

Is this a genuine problem, ie he works fixed shifts that cannot be changed, or is it just that he doesn't want to ask his employer for the sort of flexibility that disproportionately falls on mothers?

BrieAndChilli · 18/03/2022 06:49

I have to say there is an odd thing that happens about halfway through year 6. Up until that point you can’t imagine them coping with secondary school and walking by themselves etc etc then all of a sudden they get really mature and too ‘old’ for primary school. It’s happened with all 3 of mine even my current year 6 who has always been the baby and a bit of a monkey!

With my eldest who has ASD we just made sure we went over the rules eg no sharp knives/cooking, no trampoline etc etc he is very sensible though and will follow rules even if he could get away with it. I would text/call him to make sure he was ok.
I didn’t worry so much about the rest as they aren’t on thier own as have each other

Ineedapuppy · 18/03/2022 06:54

My DS is in Y7 and I have a minder come to the house. They make a snack, chat and sometimes makes dinner.

Changing work hours is a nightmare, leaving DS alone isn’t an option as simply he’s not used to it - for PP that say “I used to do it” etc its worth reflecting that for the past two years kids have been stuck at home with parents, being home schooled, not been to parties - they still need to get independence but it’s not the same as it used to be & we should acknowledge that and put provision in to help kids.

Onetwo34567890 · 18/03/2022 06:58

Make use of the free after school clubs if they are available. At my children’s school they finish between 4-4:30 and there are lots available homework club, languages, gaming, lots of sports etc. My two go to a few a week and then I pick them up after work, or they start making their own way home and I’ll collect them on my way back as we live an hours walk so I can pass the journey they take.

HikingforScenery · 18/03/2022 06:59

Can he attend any after school club at all?
Try building up a little bit of independence here and there and gauge. Sometimes, they can surprise you.

I must admit I’m surprised you trust him to walk to and from school by himself but not stay home by himself for an hour or so?

longlines · 18/03/2022 07:03

When I was this age, both my parents worked full time.

We used to have au pairs. When we were younger they looked after us, but as we got older they were just there so there was someone in the house for the 2 hours before my parents got home. As they didn't need to do active childcare they also helped my mum with things like ironing, instead, so a bit like a mother's help.

We'd eat when my parents got home.

It worked well on the whole, and it's an easy set up for an au pair.

fairylightsandwaxmelts · 18/03/2022 07:04

@Incognito32

If you're not home until 6pm and he finishes school at 3.30pm that's a lot of time to pass if something has happened to him on his way back from school. Or he takes those few hours to get into all sorts of mischief! Haha. Plus in the winter it's going dark at 3pm.

So I think wrap around care until year 9 (13-14yrs old) or as you say, you change your working pattern to be home at 4pm.

I think 11-12yrs and especially with special needs is a bit too young.

What wraparound care exists for a fourteen year old?

Around here it stops at primary school. Once you go to secondary, it just doesn't exist.

UnbeatenMum · 18/03/2022 07:06

The childminder my DC went to for a while during primary school looked after a couple of secondary age children with additional needs. I might have needed something for DC2 (currently Y6) if there wasn't already an adult in the house.

autumnboys · 18/03/2022 07:08

A couple of years before secondary gives you loads of time to prepare and he will grow and mature in that time. I couldn’t imagine my current year 7 with Sen dealing with secondary at all, but he has done well.

Lots of secondaries do homework clubs and other activities after school, so there is some provision. In winter though it means walking home in the dark afterwards, so may not help much.

We took the last year of primary to help him start preparing. I walked him to school, dropping him further and further away until he was walking alone. He had a phone and I tracked him to begin with.

I try to ask myself ‘do I still wanting to be doing xxx for him in two years time’ and if the answer is no, then I break down the steps I need to take to move him towards independence in that area. It happened much more naturally with my older two - I think it’s the combo of him having Sen and being the youngest!

BigSandyBalls2015 · 18/03/2022 07:11

If it’s two years away, he will change quite a lot by then. Mine came home to grandparents for the first term in year 7, then came home alone. But they’re twins so had each other for company which I realise is quite different.

shrunkenhead · 18/03/2022 07:14

As soon as my dd started at secondary school she walked herself to the bus stop, caught bus to school and then after school she had a set of keys to let herself in if we weren't home. My Yr7 they should be independent. She does attend a lot of after-school sports so rarely home alone.
Start teaching him how "not to burn the house down" now in preparation for Year 7. It's a life skill.

Fundays12 · 18/03/2022 07:16

My son is going to be going into secondary in a couple of years. He has autism and ADHD. I hope he can walk home by then and as the school finishes later I think one of us will try WFH or change our hours. He won't go to after school club at 10 so no way would he go at 12. I agree that you may need to alter your hours or WFH.

OddBoots · 18/03/2022 07:17

Check with the school, my DC's school had the school library open until 6pm each day and all children were welcome to stay - some children stayed for the same reason as your son, some stayed and did their homework there as it helped them draw that line between school and home.

HardbackWriter · 18/03/2022 07:19

I had absolutely no idea that expectations had changed in the way that this thread shows they have. I thought that when our children turned 11 we'd be blissfully done, done, done with paying for childcare and that they'd just let themselves in and be ok alone for a few hours. That's what anyone with working parents (including me) did when I was that age and I thought that was still standard - but as an OP said I also babysat from 12/13 and no, I wouldn't hire a 12 year old to babysit now!

LadyMacduff · 18/03/2022 07:20

Agree it varies by school.

We have a similar library situation, however they struggle to get staff to run it and so it can end up being cancelled at short notice, which wouldn't be any good for you. It also doesn't run on Fridays.

LadyMacduff · 18/03/2022 07:22

@shrunkenhead

As soon as my dd started at secondary school she walked herself to the bus stop, caught bus to school and then after school she had a set of keys to let herself in if we weren't home. My Yr7 they should be independent. She does attend a lot of after-school sports so rarely home alone. Start teaching him how "not to burn the house down" now in preparation for Year 7. It's a life skill.
OP says her son has SEN.
longlines · 18/03/2022 07:24

@HardbackWriter

I had absolutely no idea that expectations had changed in the way that this thread shows they have. I thought that when our children turned 11 we'd be blissfully done, done, done with paying for childcare and that they'd just let themselves in and be ok alone for a few hours. That's what anyone with working parents (including me) did when I was that age and I thought that was still standard - but as an OP said I also babysat from 12/13 and no, I wouldn't hire a 12 year old to babysit now!
Not for everyone!

I was also babysitting at 13, but we still had the au pair in the house when my sister and I got home after school.

I think the difference was, babysitting was one off, but parents didn't want me coming home to an empty house every day.

YetAnotherCupOfTea · 18/03/2022 07:25

The after school club linked to my old primary school also took year 7s, so at the start of the, I went there a couple of days a week to transition - on the other days, I went to the library or a friend's house. I wasn't the only year 7, and in previous years they'd been there, so it was just normal. We had to make our own way between the two schools, though.

A friend from another primary school did the same with a different after school club.

This was all relatively normal in that town, you may find something similar near you.

longlines · 18/03/2022 07:26

Our local school library doesn't open after school. There are after school clubs, but if your DC aren't sporty, the choice can be limited IME.

Sirzy · 18/03/2022 07:26

@HardbackWriter

I had absolutely no idea that expectations had changed in the way that this thread shows they have. I thought that when our children turned 11 we'd be blissfully done, done, done with paying for childcare and that they'd just let themselves in and be ok alone for a few hours. That's what anyone with working parents (including me) did when I was that age and I thought that was still standard - but as an OP said I also babysat from 12/13 and no, I wouldn't hire a 12 year old to babysit now!
It depends on circumstances. The Op has her son has additional needs so for him it may take longer to reach that point.

Ds is year 7 at a mainstream secondary but unfortunately at the moment I still need to take him door to door. We will work towards more independence when we can but for him solo travel is a long way off!

Neurodiversitydoctor · 18/03/2022 07:29

As soon as my dd started at secondary school she walked herself to the bus stop, caught bus to school and then after school she had a set of keys to let herself in if we weren't home. My Yr7 they should be independent. She does attend a lot of after-school sports so rarely home alone.
Start teaching him how "not to burn the house down" now in preparation for Year 7. It's a life skill

They are all different. I have 2 what my Spring born DS could cope with at just 11 (An hour and a half maximum really) was vastly different to Autum born Dd (wildly independent and able to make herself a meal/cupcakes etc).

He is about to be a reasonably functional 18 yo but will never be the world's most pratcal person.

She is a fifteen year old force of nature.

drawingpad · 18/03/2022 07:32

Your idea of changing working hours is the most logical solution here if you don't want to use childcare or library/clubs. We always had a parent at home after school. It was tough going though as we were doing opposite shifts for a few years to accommodate it.

drawingpad · 18/03/2022 07:34

@shrunkenhead

As soon as my dd started at secondary school she walked herself to the bus stop, caught bus to school and then after school she had a set of keys to let herself in if we weren't home. My Yr7 they should be independent. She does attend a lot of after-school sports so rarely home alone. Start teaching him how "not to burn the house down" now in preparation for Year 7. It's a life skill.

Yay!! What a winner you are Hmm

How about reading the OP before commenting?

TigerMTV · 18/03/2022 07:35

Child then goes to homework club after school and awaits collection…

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