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Original poster

To think wraparound childcare for year 7 isn’t a thing

132 replies

BananaPie · 17/03/2022 23:07

Help me solve a debate with DH..

I think that when ds goes into year 7 in a couple of years time he will be walking to school and back by himself. He’ll be home by around 4pm and will have homework to complete.

At the moment while he is at primary school he goes to the after school club most afternoons and either me or dh pick him up around 6pm (neither of us work from home).

I think that when he is at secondary school we will need to change our working hours so that one of us can be at home from around the time he gets back from school. That way we will be able to check he isn’t accidentally burning the house down and make sure he settles down to some homework.

Dh’s view is that this will be too tricky to organise with work and we should get a nanny / childminder/ tutor.

Wider context - some special needs issues and we can’t see ds being particularly independent/ sensible by the time he gets to year 7.

What do most people do?

OP posts:
angelsandinsects · 18/03/2022 00:53

My DD is in Yr7. She likes to have one night a week home alone for an hour or so but is most disgruntled if work & other commitments mean it happens more than once a week. It's as though she's got a set quota of independence and, once that's used it, then she likes someone to be around.
There's so much to navigate when they start secondary school and I'm noticing that now, half way through the year, homework pressure is mounting, friendships groups are changing as people realise the friend they met on day one and have desperately clung too isn't someone they like that much etc.
We struck gold and have an after school nanny three times a week. This means that DD can choose from a more varied menu of activities as the nanny can provide a taxi service, can have some support with home work if needed or play a game, do some baking etc. Our nanny loves cooking so makes dinner each night she'a here.
One of the other nights is when DD is home alone for an hour and the other night is when either DH or I will wfh so there's someone in the house with her

MangyInseam · 18/03/2022 00:58

It depends a bit on the child and you won't know until closer to the time, but I would think a lot of kids that age could stay home without a nanny or sitter, at least some of the time.

Lots of kids start babysitting at 12!

HiJenny35 · 18/03/2022 01:08

Our childminder has 2 children who are in the first year of secondary, their parents don't get home till about 6 so they have food, TV etc at the minders. I know other parents who make use of grandparents to plug the hours.

TheTeenageYears · 18/03/2022 01:12

If you could find someone suitable maybe a sixth former could be at yours for a couple of hours after school (paid). Both could use the time to study. Maybe a couple of different people so it's not an every day commitment. There could be lots of benefits. If there's an IB school locally then it could be part of a students required service time or possibly DofE service.

nokidshere · 18/03/2022 01:12

Lots of kids start babysitting at 12

Whilst sadly some children don't have a choice about that because of their family set up, no 12yr old (wherever possible) should be babysitting!

MangyInseam · 18/03/2022 01:26

@nokidshere

Lots of kids start babysitting at 12

Whilst sadly some children don't have a choice about that because of their family set up, no 12yr old (wherever possible) should be babysitting!

Why the heck not? It's when it becomes legal to babysit where I live, and the Red Cross offers babysitting courses at that age. My kids all started babysitting around that age, though not necessarily in a big way.

And a child that can do that is certainly going to be able to take care of themselves for a couple hours in the day.

I appreciate that some might prefer company and that's perfectly valid, and some might have special issues that need consideration. But these are kids that in four years can drive, consent to sex, could potentially leave home, get a job, or become parents.

That doesn't happen overnight, they need to start to feel confident to care for themselves well before that.

nokidshere · 18/03/2022 01:47

That doesn't happen overnight, they need to start to feel confident to care for themselves well before that.

Gaining independence, spending an hour or two alone and looking after themselves is not comparable to taking responsibility for younger children.

nokidshere · 18/03/2022 01:56

@MangyInseam And I don't know where you live but in the uk there are no laws about what age you can leave a child alone or what age a babysitter should be.

raspberryjamchicken · 18/03/2022 02:07

My eldest is in Year 7 and lets herself in around 3.45. She then is home alone usually for around 45 minutes to an hour before DH or I get home. We have had to start leaving work earlier to facilitate this. It's possible because we're teachers although not ideal as it just means bringing more work home. She doesn't have any additional needs though and I wouldn't feel comfortable leaving her regularly until 6. On occasion she has had to stay alone for a couple of hours but we try not to do this.

I started letting her come home once a week by herself towards the end of Year 6 to get her used to it. I don't think any wraparound care exists for this age. You could maybe find and pay a college student or something?

MangyInseam · 18/03/2022 02:13

[quote nokidshere]@MangyInseam And I don't know where you live but in the uk there are no laws about what age you can leave a child alone or what age a babysitter should be.[/quote]
Yes, I am not in the UK, I am in Canada. Not noted for a lot of terrible babysitting related deaths or anything like that.

But babysitting at 12 used to be very common in many places including the UK. And certainly kids were able to stay alone for a while.

ThePoint678 · 18/03/2022 03:21

I think you’d have to plan for someone to be at home at least 2-3 afternoons a week to make sure he is safe and getting into homework and if that can’t be either of you then you may have to hire someone to be at home with him.

HerbivorousRex · 18/03/2022 05:32

When I was a student I worked for a family in a similar situation (they also had a primary school aged DC but I think they would probably have used me even if they had only had the older DC).
The DC I looked after had some SEN needs but was able to walk home by himself. I would just make sure that I was there when he got in and then helped with homework/got on with light tidying or cooking jobs whilst he watched TV or played on the computer.
Most of the time he didn’t really need me so I’d do my coursework but it meant I was available for the few occasions where he did need some help or was going to do something unwise/dangerous.
Depending on his needs you might be able to find a college/university student who is willing to keep an eye on him for a few hours in the afternoon until you get back (it’ll probably be cheaper and more flexible than childcare aimed at younger kids).

milkysmum · 18/03/2022 05:44

From y 6 mine let them selves in and waited till I got back from work.
Sometimes I'd work from home later in the afternoon if I could, other times I get back 5ish.

autienotnaughty · 18/03/2022 05:45

Every child is different, I wfh until my dd were y9 and y7 then they came home to empty house. But I felt better knowing older dd was looking out for younger dd. My ds has asd I only work part time so I'm there when school finishes. You could use a childminder, relative or rearrange your hours.

Rinatinabina · 18/03/2022 05:47

@StScholastica

My DS used to let himself in with a key in a keysafe. It worked well after an initial blip when I got home early and caught him watching the Simpsons whilst drinking a can of Stella. Shock
LOL sorry, thats just hilarious.
Sirzy · 18/03/2022 05:54

Ds secondary school runs a free “homework club” after school each day so it my be worth checking out provision at your school

pussycatunpickingcrossesagain · 18/03/2022 06:07

@StScholastica

My DS used to let himself in with a key in a keysafe. It worked well after an initial blip when I got home early and caught him watching the Simpsons whilst drinking a can of Stella. Shock
😹 Oh dear.
popandchoc · 18/03/2022 06:19

My eldest starts secondary school in sept . They open the grounds from around 7.45 to have breakfast etc if needed. They also do have after school clubs for sports etc . I only go in the office two days a week so they will be the only two days she is alone after school for a couple of hours .

Original poster
BananaPie · 18/03/2022 06:29

Thanks. Some really helpful ideas here. I guess we’ll work it out nearer the time, but there are a few options I hadn’t thought of.

OP posts:
ChiselandBits · 18/03/2022 06:32

It is difficult. My DS's school finishes v early and only runs clubs a couple of times a week which he isn't interested in. He gets himself home and has at least 90 mins to empty the fridge and watch crap on you tube. It's far from ideal but I'm a ft working sp. It's not that he's in danger but he spends a lot of time in a very unprofitable way. The idea that he would independently study without me standing over him is hilarious. Dd would, but not DS.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 18/03/2022 06:32

An hour or so once or twice a week is fine. 3-6 everyday not so much. Bear in mind it gets dark and pretty cold by 4:30 in Nov- Feb. No bad idea to have an adult at home, also IME they need a substantial snack and if not supervised will just eat mountains of junk.

Ideally someone could change their working hours to be home by 4:30 Or yes pay a friendly pensioner/ older teen. Year 10s ( 14-15) are ideal as cannot get other jobs and not in exam year. I did most of my GCSE course work at my minders kitchen table between 4&6 pm.

Oblomov22 · 18/03/2022 06:39

What SN's does he have? Even with SN, most will be totally ok being at home for an hour till you return.

Neurodiversitydoctor · 18/03/2022 06:39

Mindee's I was 15/16 she was 11

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/03/2022 06:43

YANBU to think it isn’t a thing for most secondary aged children. However, it sounds as though your ds could do with some support. Dd wouldn’t have been happy to be left until 6 every evening at that age. She told me as much. I know plenty of parents do so it really is dependent on the child. Now she’s year 9 she would cope just fine. In my experience, year 7s aren’t great at assessing risk. I think your dh is correct tbh.

Heatherjayne1972 · 18/03/2022 06:44

My two come home and are here for an hour before I get in
There no breakfast club/afterschool/ holiday care at all here for secondary school kids

School Holidays are the worst. They spend lots of time alone