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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Gifting grandparents on Mother's Day/Fathers day?

98 replies

Kage30 · 17/03/2022 11:01

Normal right? I've always had a very close relationship with my maternal grandparents, sadly my grandad is no longer with us though.. my granny is still going strong. Never knew my dad or his family, not that is relevant here really but I did only have one set.

Anyway, as kids we always gave a card and little gift to granny on Mother's Day (Father's Day too for grandad) as well as for my mother. Always carried on doing this as an adult

My granny is an incredible woman. I don't think there's enough Mother's Day cards or gifts in the world to thank her for everything she's done for us both as kids and as adults. She has done a lot more for me than my mum to be honest, I get me mum something too obviously plus my own kids get my mother a card, the card I get my granny is from both me and my kids.

Anyway, dp finds it weird. He has no issue with me getting to granny something but every year he makes a point of saying 'it's Mother's Day, not grandparents day'. I mean he's right technically but still I can't be the only one surely? There's lots of cards in the shop for them.

Dp does not want to get the kids to do a Mother's Day card for his mum from the kids, their nanny. He thinks it's weird. I'm not sure what mil thinks of it herself, never spoken about it.

The difference is Dp had about 60 cousins on his mother's side growing up and was never all that close to his grandparents who also lived a couple hours away. Whereas my grandparents have only a few grandkids and live close by, we seen them every day. It's a whole different dynamic and I don't think he gets it. I don't think he gets what a massive role my grandparents had growing up!

Aibu? I just feel we should get mil a card from grandkids as they will be going one for both my mum and granny. Don't want to leave her out.

OP posts:
Kage30 · 17/03/2022 11:03

To add this is more relevant to Mother's Day for us now not grandad died a year or so ago and neither me or Dp know or see our bio dads so the only Father's Day things I have to get are for Dp from the kids!

OP posts:
CactusPat · 17/03/2022 11:03

My family has always done this. My husband finds it truly bizarre and doesn’t do for his side from the kids, despite me offering every year.

Ponoka7 · 17/03/2022 11:05

It's totally up to you. I gave to my GPs and my children gave to my Mum. My youngest GC make me a card every year. People who don't 'get' things should just leave others to crack on.

Hugasauras · 17/03/2022 11:07

Yep we always do this too. Seems like such a small thing, and I know it makes my granny's day to get a bunch of flowers and a card from us too. She's 90 and deserves to have nice things Smile And my mum loves getting a handmade card from DD. I think of it as just a maternal figures day I suppose. More inclusive that way too, for people who don't have a mother but have another strong female figure in their life who fulfils a nurturing role.

AlexaShutUp · 17/03/2022 11:10

Yeah, it's normal! Fair enough if people don't want to do it, but lots of people do.

Hoppinggreen · 17/03/2022 11:10

You can give cards or presents to who you want
I wasn’t close to any of my GPs so I wouldn’t even if they were still alive but I dint think it’s weird anyone else should

Womencanlift · 17/03/2022 11:11

Completely normal for me too. I didn’t know either of my grandpa’s but would always go to my grans’ houses for a visit on Mothers Day armed with flowers then out for something to eat with my own mum or back to ours for a chilled out afternoon (whatever my mum wanted to do)

AliasGrape · 17/03/2022 11:12

Yes totally normal, or it is in my family and amongst my friends too.

Backtoreality1 · 17/03/2022 11:18

Not normal in my family. My attend
gave to their parents and we have to our parents. Totally agree with your partner - it’s Mother’s Day- so the grandparents get gifts/cards from their children

Backtoreality1 · 17/03/2022 11:18

My parents not attend

Cognoscenti · 17/03/2022 11:21

I don't think it's weird, but we don't do it. Grandparents get a card from me/DP as they're our mum/dad, I get a card and gift from kids for DP only on Father's Day, and vice versa for Mother's Day.

InDubiousBattle · 17/03/2022 11:22

I can't remember what I did for my Grandma. My dc get cards and gifts to give to their grandparents on Mothers/Fathers Day. They're little though, I don't think my sisters kids (in their 20's) get my dad anything now they're left to their own devices!

SundayTeatime · 17/03/2022 11:25

It’s fine to do it, but it’s really not normal. I’m with your DP here. But there’s no harm, and it’s a nice gesture.

ComDummings · 17/03/2022 11:27

We don’t

Walesrecommendations · 17/03/2022 11:28

Not normal for my family- I was very close to my granny but she wasn't my mother. I gave to my own mum and she did something nice for hers. It didnt mean I didnt love and appreciate her as a grandparent.

Chely · 17/03/2022 11:31

Yes. I always got a card and present for my maternal grandmother on mothers day and continued to do so until she died (had 5 kids by then). I also sent her an anonymous valentines card each year as she remained single after my grandad left her for another woman when my mum was young, our kids would give her a small valentines gift as she always got them one each. I was very close to her and we spent a lot of time together, never bought for paternal nanna or my mums step mum.
My mum gets present and card. MIL hasn't been a very good grandparent (was absent 1st 4 years of our twins life) but I still send a card from the kids.

Aroundtheworldin80moves · 17/03/2022 11:32

I get separate cards from and DDs for my mum but one present. (Plus a card from DDs for PILs, leave DH to sort his card himself unless he's abroad but even then he goes online if possible)

Georgeskitchen · 17/03/2022 11:35

YANBU It's entirely up to you who you give cards and gifts to. I always signed mothers day cards to my mum from me, dp, and dcs

Newnamefor2022 · 17/03/2022 11:36

I've never heard of anyone doing gifts from grandchildren to grandparents for Mother's/ Father's Day! Every day a school day and all that.

TheCityIgnites · 17/03/2022 11:37

My family have always done it but DH thought it was weird. It’s our first Mother’s Day with our DS so I’ve got a present and card from him to Grandparents and Great Grandma’s including DH’s Grandma. I still get my Grandma a gift and a card too.

SpiderinaWingMirror · 17/03/2022 11:39

Tbf, I'd get pretty tired in dh mentioned it every year.
I did for my grandmother. Also always bought really nice gift for my dmum. He bought a box of quality street for his. Different upbringing. If we saw our parents together, I would buy the same for his Mum. Tbf she genuinely did just want a box of quality street and thought expensive flowers were a waste.

homeedregret · 17/03/2022 11:39

Completely normal. Lots of 'to nan/grandma on mother's day' cards in shops and that was the case 40 years ago too. If anything mothers day for me growing up was more about the grandmother's, as my DM was busy cooking/hosting her DM and DMIL, and I'm the same now.

Fridaysgirl17 · 17/03/2022 11:41

We have always done it,& I've done it with my kids to my mother a card & a gift from them usually picture related as she was in a care home & loved having their pictures all around her to look at,she passed away in November so this year we'll pop a little plant on her grave just to mark it.

Odile13 · 17/03/2022 11:41

I don’t do it, but I know other people who do.

I think you should do whatever you want to do.

AHungryCaterpillar · 17/03/2022 11:42

Not normal in my family