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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you for your favourite cheesy joke or meme

81 replies

Juniper68 · 17/03/2022 09:00

Mine is.

Are you sweating whilst putting fuel in your car? Feeling sick when having to pay for it?

If so you have carownervirus 🤣

OP posts:
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14
chocolateisavegetable · 20/03/2022 20:55

Which cheese is made backwards?
Edam

What does a cheese say when it looks in the mirror?
Hello me (Halloumi)

Which cheese comes from the Middle East?
Cheesus of Nazareth

Someone threw cheddar at me in the street yesterday.
Real mature.

Which cheese can you use to hide a small horse?
Mascapone

What cheese can you use to call a bear to you?
Camembert

How did the cheese paint his wife?
He double gloucester

How do you handle dangerous cheese?
Caerphilly

When can't you see a cheese?
When it's pasteurised (past your eyes)

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 20/03/2022 21:16

My parents sent me to a child psychologist.
The little lad was useless.

A 95yo lady calls police in shock, about the 20yo bodybuilder in the flat opposite hers who walks around naked all day with his curtains wide open.
At her insistence, they sent somebody out to come and see her. The officer arrived and asked her to show him the problem, so she ushered him into her living room and pointed to the naked hunk opposite.
The officer looked very carefully, from every angle he could think of and said "But, Madam, you can only possibly see him from the waist upwards. How is that indecent or distressing?"
She shrieked, "The wardrobe, Officer!!! Climb up and stand on top of the wardrobe!!!"

InMySpareTime · 20/03/2022 22:16

Two old ladies sat on a park bench when a flasher approached and opened his trench coat.
One of the old ladies had a stroke.
The other one couldn't reach...

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/03/2022 13:28

A man realises that his migraines, back pains and excruciating testicular agony that have plagued him through his whole adult life have been getting progressively worse and more constant. He goes to the GP, who refers him for further tests, and it's determined that he needs to undergo a long course of extensive brain surgery, invasive spinal corrective procedures and a double orchidectomy.

After 24 months of hospital appointments and seemingly endless surgery, the man is feeling no better whatsoever with the head and back pains and is greatly struggling to come to terms with the loss of his undercarriage. Devastated, he figures that he's just going to have to learn to live with it - battle the pain and get on with his broken life as best he possibly can.

Previously, he worked as a builder, but, knowing that he can't possibly return to such a physically-demanding job - as well has having them all laugh at his new squeaky voice - he resigns himself to an enforced change of career and he applies for an office job, for which he gets an interview.

Realising that he doesn't have any smart clothes to wear, he goes to the local specialist tailor and tells him that he needs a really well-cut suit for his big interview. The tailor says "Understood, Sir, we will get you the perfect outfit, I am fully confident. Right, then, let's start with the trousers: looking at you, I can see that you're a 38 large, so we'll go from there."

The man laughs and says "No, that's completely wrong - I'm a 32 small, always have been."

The tailor replies "I don't wish to cause any offence, Sir, but I have been in this business since I was 18 and I'm now a grandfather. I tend to find that I know my customers' bodies even better than they know them themselves, and I recognise the huge importance of correctly-fitting clothes. In fact, I could tell you with certainty that, if I were to let you leave here in a pair of 32 small trousers, I guarantee that, before the day is through, you would be suffering from debilitating migraines, horrendous back pain and your testicles would feel like they were permanently on fire...."

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/03/2022 13:29

I'm a heretosexual.

I'm attracted to everybody who lived and everything that happened throughout history, right up to this point.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/03/2022 13:35

I was walking past our local parish church on the way home from the shops, when I tripped on a kerbstone. A big bottle of Domestos flew out of my bag, shattered against the wall and covered the vicar from head to toe in its contents.

I'm due to appear in court next week, being charged with a bleach of the priest.

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