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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask you for your favourite cheesy joke or meme

81 replies

Juniper68 · 17/03/2022 09:00

Mine is.

Are you sweating whilst putting fuel in your car? Feeling sick when having to pay for it?

If so you have carownervirus 🤣

OP posts:
Thread gallery
14
ghostyslovesheets · 17/03/2022 17:57

two scientists walk into a pub

scientist 1 - I'll have a pint of h20

scientist 2: I'll have a pint of h20 to

he died

FleetwoodRaincoat · 17/03/2022 18:01

I'm friends with 25 letters of the alphabet. I don't know Y.

MarthaFokker · 17/03/2022 18:12

Did you hear the news about the kidnapping at the local school?

A teacher had to come out and wake him up.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/03/2022 18:20

I got a job working in security at a pop festival, when a fight broke out backstage between Steps and Jamiroquai.
Luckily, I managed to get between H and JK.

I was also hired to work at another classic rock revival festival that was due to take place in the West Country, on the banks of the Tamar.
Unfortunately, that one had to be cancelled, as they failed to reach an agreement as to whether The Jam or Cream would go on first.

Piemam · 17/03/2022 19:39

Did you hear about the destruction of the French cheese factory?

All that was left was de brie (debris).

InMySpareTime · 17/03/2022 19:43

Someone ran past me the other day and threw a block of medium cheddar right at me!
I picked up the cheese and shouted after my assailant "That's not very mature!"

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 17/03/2022 23:12

A single woman who was nine months pregnant had a serious accident and had to be put into a coma. Thankfully, the skilled medical team managed to look after her well and delivered her babies by C-Section.

She was unconscious for three months, but when she finally came around, she was overjoyed to hear that all was well. She asked "What did I have?" and was told "One of each sex - two lovely, healthy babies - and we've kept them happy and safe whilst waiting for their mummy to wake up."

All of a sudden, she gasped "Wait, they need names! They can't have lived for so long already without even having names - and they legally had to be registered before now!"

"Don't worry at all," the kind nurse told her, "We contacted your brother. He has been looking after them for you and he chose names for them both and registered them."

The mum was shocked and exclaimed "But he's an idiot! He's quite good with kids, but he'll have saddled them with the most ridiculous, awful names ever! He'll have named them after Pokemon characters!! What did he call my dear daughter?" she asked, bracing herself for the worst.

The nurse replied "Her name is Denise."

The woman breathed in a huge sigh of relief and said "Oh, wow, that is a surprise. He chose a nice normal name. I like the name Denise! I feel really bad now, that was mean of me to assume. What did he call my little boy?"

The nurse sighed and replied "Denephew!"

Juniper68 · 17/03/2022 23:17
Grin
OP posts:
Fernandina · 17/03/2022 23:42

Did you hear the one about the hyena who swallowed a box of Oxo cubes?

He made a laughing stock of himself.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/03/2022 00:28

I was at a job interview and the interviewer was looking over my CV. She asked what was the reason for the unmentioned five-year gap and I told her "That was when I was in Yale, in the US - I thought you would only be interested in my British qualifications and experiences".

She replied, "Not at all - in fact, on the strength of that, I'm going to offer you the position right now!"

"Oh, thank you," I said, and shook her hand to accept. "I'm yust so overyoyed, as I reeaally need this yob!"

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/03/2022 00:34

Two explorers are on safari in Africa and they suddenly notice a hungry-looking lion in the corner of their eyes, darting at full speed in their general direction.

One explorer opens his rucksack, grabs a pair of top-of-the-range running shoes and puts them on in place of his big clumpy walking boots.

The other explorer says "Don't you be so stupid - what on earth makes you think that you could possibly outrun a lion?"

The first man replies, "I know I couldn't do that - but I only need to outrun you!!"

HoveringDonkeyofKnock · 18/03/2022 01:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BowerOfBramble · 18/03/2022 09:00

These are excellent

PoxyAndIKnowIt · 18/03/2022 09:28
Smile
To ask you for your favourite cheesy joke or meme
To ask you for your favourite cheesy joke or meme
To ask you for your favourite cheesy joke or meme
WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/03/2022 12:56

My dog barks with a distinctive Barcelona accent.
He's a spaniel (Español)!

A friend of mine spends two hours every day rearranging all of her herbs and spices and making sure that they're always all in perfect alphabetical order.
I just don't know where she finds the thyme.

Why does the Queen never, ever wave with this hand?
Because it's my hand!

There were 16 of us sitting altogether for Christmas dinner and, afterwards, the cook asked if I could clear the table.
I said "I don't know, but if I take a really big run up first, we'll soon find out!"

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 18/03/2022 12:57

A little girl went into a pet shop and said to the man behind the counter "I want to purchath thicth mithe, pleath, mithter".

The man bent down and asked "Now then, young lady, would you like six white mice, six brown mice, three of each or any other combination?"

The little girl grinned up at him and said sweetly "It doethn't matter in the thlightest - I really don't think my python givth a thyit!"

LaQuern · 18/03/2022 13:05

My mother laughed at me when I said I was going to build a car from spaghetti.

You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.

debwong · 18/03/2022 13:07

These are all terrible

Well done Grin

ElliePhillips · 18/03/2022 13:37

What type of music do rabbits love best?

HipHop

(It's so lame but makes me laugh EVERY time Grin)

SameToo · 18/03/2022 13:51

How do you catch a rabbit?

Hide in the bush and make carrot noises.

CeliaCanth · 18/03/2022 14:05

Love the Military Shorts 😂

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 18/03/2022 14:15

Why are mushrooms so filling?

Because they dont leave mush-room for anything else.

Fernandina · 18/03/2022 14:17

Did you hear about that poor insomniac agnostic dyslexic man?

He lay awake all night worrying about whether there was a dog.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 18/03/2022 14:32

Why are there no painkillers in the jungle? Cos the parrots eat ‘em all.

How much does shampoo cost in Essex?
Pantene

Why does Proudhon use cheap tea bags?
Because proper tea is theft.

Do you find mercury in HG Wells?

PoxyAndIKnowIt · 18/03/2022 16:25

Last from me today!