Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm a horrible mother!!!!!

110 replies

cactusoil · 16/03/2022 14:59

I think there's something wrong with me. I can't believe I'm even admitting this I feel like a horrible mother.

I feel like I don't like being around my 4 year old daughter, I hate playing with her, I hate staying in all day with her, but I also hate going anywhere with her. It's like having a ball and chain attached to me that makes the most annoying noises and no matter what I can't get away.

I'm always waiting for a break, and when I do I shut myself away and sleep.

She's constantly talking and her voice goes right through me, she always puts on a whiney whingey voice which I don't respond well to. She follows me everywhere and makes stupid noises, she looks for me to entertain her all the time and I hate it. She used to be really good at playing by herself.

I feel like I don't really want to be here anymore, every one always goes on about how amazing being a mother is. It's not, it's fucking shit and I hate it. I have more bad days than good. It's like having a job you can't quit.

I want to stop feeling like this, im scared to admit this to anyone hence the anonymous post.

She literally makes my blood boil with her constantly being around me, I would get like this around anyone 24/7 to be honest.

Im sick of the mess, the interrupted sleep, my entire life revolving around a child. I miss my old life so much sometimes it hurts.

Please help.

OP posts:
woody87 · 17/03/2022 21:47

@Seraphinesupport

Just know there are choices. there are options and just be honest with yourself and other people. Its ok to hate being a mother. I love my children but i hate being a mum. I wish i was the dad that could go off and just do weekends and the holidays and be a disney dad doing all the fun stuff :(

Thing is its super hard and without a break its even harder, i had a friend who put her son up for adoption and it was really sad for her but she did what she thought was right because she just couldnt cope.
People also told her it was depression but really it was just life

Your friend put her child up for adoption because she didn't like being a mum? God that's the saddest thing I've ever read I think.
GoodnessTruthBeauty · 17/03/2022 22:51

@woody87 it is extremely sad and most likely the last resort. What is sadder is children being abused, injured and even killed by people struggling to parent. Maybe in this situation the mother understood she just wasn't able to be a parent. We have no knowledge of her circumstances. At least she was responsible and found her child another home. Plenty of men abandon their children and never look back.

Original poster
cactusoil · 18/03/2022 12:20

So yesterday I looked in the mirror and told myself to get a fucking grip.

I TRIED so so so hard to be patient, took advice from posters on here. I picked her up from nursery and went straight to the park, we played frisbee then went to another park, got home, I made dinner and she actually left me alone for a bit. Still very whingey but I dealt with it differently.

I'm feeling a lot better and more positive today. Re reading that post I wrote a couple of days ago I don't feel like that right now. But I need to make sure when I feel like that again to reach out and ask someone to have her for me.

I have a long road to recovery but the last 2 days have been a bit easier, I even took her to a group this morning which did us both the world of good.

There is absolutely no chance in hell I will give her up, my mother did that to me and I will never forgive her.

OP posts:
noottersontheflightdeck · 18/03/2022 13:37

That's a lovely update to hear, OP. I'm so glad you're feeling better and more positive. It's great that you had a good time at the group. Sometimes you need to be exposed to actual other adult human beings.

I don't think it's at all unnatural for a mother to find her children - whom she nevertheless loves - annoying and exhausting from time to time. We're not the Victorians. Looking after children is hard, relentless work. Given you're a single mother and you had a traumatic pregnancy I think it's amazing you're not feeling worse.

You're doing your job just by being there for her, OP. The fact that she is sometimes annoying shows that she relies on and trusts you enough to feel she doesn't have to be on her best behaviour for you to love her.

You should be proud that you have the courage to recognise when you need help. From all I've heard I think you're a good mother.

5128gap · 18/03/2022 14:02

@cactusoil

So yesterday I looked in the mirror and told myself to get a fucking grip.

I TRIED so so so hard to be patient, took advice from posters on here. I picked her up from nursery and went straight to the park, we played frisbee then went to another park, got home, I made dinner and she actually left me alone for a bit. Still very whingey but I dealt with it differently.

I'm feeling a lot better and more positive today. Re reading that post I wrote a couple of days ago I don't feel like that right now. But I need to make sure when I feel like that again to reach out and ask someone to have her for me.

I have a long road to recovery but the last 2 days have been a bit easier, I even took her to a group this morning which did us both the world of good.

There is absolutely no chance in hell I will give her up, my mother did that to me and I will never forgive her.

Good to hear you had a better day. Hang on in there and take each one as it comes. It's good to have an activity for each day to pass the time and tire her out. I'm 25 years on from you, and I promise you, its not forever and it does get better.
Seraphinesupport · 18/03/2022 15:05

@goodnesstruthbeauty Thats exactly it, i felt sad for the child but often people end up just beating the children often to death because of the rage. She felt rage and instead she dropped the child off with her mum and explained she just couldnt do it.

She said it was something she felt was in her personality that just clouds over her when shes angry like she cant control it and felt that someday she might have hurt the kid and she didnt want that at all.

I could never do that to my kid but if i ever felt like i didnt love my kids or wanted to abuse them then i would definitely adopt them out to a loving family

@woody87 If more people gave up kids they didn't love or didn't feel able to care for then there would be less Kids being beaten to death/abused whatever. obviously it would still happen and not all carers/ adoption families are good but the majority of people who keep kids just to abuse them when they get angry or because they dont love them is astonishing

Goldbar · 18/03/2022 15:45

@cactusoil

So yesterday I looked in the mirror and told myself to get a fucking grip.

I TRIED so so so hard to be patient, took advice from posters on here. I picked her up from nursery and went straight to the park, we played frisbee then went to another park, got home, I made dinner and she actually left me alone for a bit. Still very whingey but I dealt with it differently.

I'm feeling a lot better and more positive today. Re reading that post I wrote a couple of days ago I don't feel like that right now. But I need to make sure when I feel like that again to reach out and ask someone to have her for me.

I have a long road to recovery but the last 2 days have been a bit easier, I even took her to a group this morning which did us both the world of good.

There is absolutely no chance in hell I will give her up, my mother did that to me and I will never forgive her.

It's good to hear that things are a bit better Flowers.

Maybe think of a few things you can do to help the weekend go smoothly? Do you have any friends who could have her for a playdate? If not, anyone with kids you could meet up with to dilute things a bit?

I usually book something like soft play when I'm feeling like this as I can find a quiet bench and have some peace while DC runs around wearing themselves out. Or we'll go for a walk somewhere safe where DC can ride their bike while I just sit and relax.

If you're looking for activities to do with her, pizza-making is a good one - you can spend some quality time together and you don't have to make dinner at the end of it so win-win.

Juniper68 · 18/03/2022 15:56

Glad you're taking positive steps.

Be kind to yourself. You've been through so much.

Your dd will be less whiney with more attention given. Even if you fake it. Eventually your bond will grow once she isn't annoying you. Takes time though.

Best wishes Flowers

PenguinPup · 18/03/2022 15:58

Glad to see you are feeling a bit better OP Flowers

GoodnessTruthBeauty · 19/03/2022 18:19

@cactusoil do you think there might be unresolved feelings of anger toward your mother that are affecting your relationship with your daughter? How old were you when your mother gave you up? What were the circumstances and what was your experience in the new home? Were you raised by relatives? Sorry if I missed this and you already explained.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page