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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To live with my parents for just 1 month during the Summer?

79 replies

Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 14:58

A recurring theme on many MN threads seems to be that adult children (18-21) coming home from uni during summer is to be discouraged unless they can find a job or other project to do during that time.

Slightly unrelated to my own situation - I don't understand how MN users expect these students to get a job in their hometown for 2 months? In job interviews, you need to demonstrate your loyalty to the company and express that you want to stay there as long as you can. How bad is it gonna look on you if you hand in your notice after 6 weeks?? I think many employers might even refuse a reference for that...? I know summer jobs exist but they're like a gold dust in smaller towns, and there are FAR more students than there are summer jobs.

Anyway, I'm graduating from third year uni this summer (I'll be 21) and my house share contract runs out July 1st. Like last year, I was thinking of arranging to stay in my uni town for July then coming home for August only. Whether I do a masters or not I'll be living/working in my uni town again from September.

Yes, I have a part-time job right now (10 hours a week, could increase during summer) but it's mostly WFH so I wouldn't be going out for that while back home. I'd be able to pay my parents rent (if indeed they ask for it) and will of course be doing lots of housework, etc. I might nip back to my uni town now and then for volunteering (I work with a film society too) or to see friends.

Now, I know my parents won't bat an eye if I do this. Just wanted MN's opinion, as so many comments I've seen sound pretty harsh about this sort of thing - e.g. "No way will my son live with me for even 2 weeks without doing something!" or suggesting that students spending summers with their family are somehow scrounging off of them? Think this is a bit harsh, especially as your own family should be happy to finally be able to spend lots of time with you?

OP posts:
JungleJimbo · 16/03/2022 15:00

It's absolutely fine and you don't need to justify it to anyone

rookiemere · 16/03/2022 15:02

When I was a student, I and pretty much everyone I knew, went home in the holidays most years.

I think as long as your DPs are happy and you can all stay in Adult to Adult mode as opposed to you turning into a sulky teen, it would be absolutely fine.

rooinspace · 16/03/2022 15:02

I think there’s many more “zero hours” jobs than summer jobs. When I was at Uni (not so long ago) I had one of these jobs at a fast food chain, where they were keen to have me (and many others) outside uni term as this is also when many of their full time staff preferred to take leave. So it was never advertised as a summer job, but that’s effectively what it was.

I don’t have kids so can’t comment on that aspect.

RealRaymondReddington · 16/03/2022 15:03

As a mum, I will always give my daughter a bed if she needs it. At such a young age it seems particularly sensible and I expect they'll love seeing you.

Merryoldgoat · 16/03/2022 15:04

I don’t know a single person who didn’t go home for university holidays and after graduation.

ReadyToMoveIt · 16/03/2022 15:05

I went home in all my holidays from uni, and lived at home for a year after graduating. I’m now a fully functioning, independent adult with a house, family and well paid job so it didn’t damage me in any way.
It doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks, as long as you and your parents are happy with the situation.

ReadyToMoveIt · 16/03/2022 15:06

Oh and they didn’t charge me rent either, although I would have been happy to pay if they did. Apparently that means I’ll never be able to manage my own money, but here I am managing it just fine!

Original poster
Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 15:07

@ReadyToMoveIt

Oh and they didn’t charge me rent either, although I would have been happy to pay if they did. Apparently that means I’ll never be able to manage my own money, but here I am managing it just fine!
I know exactly the kind of comments on here about rent you mean!!
OP posts:
Kaibashira · 16/03/2022 15:09

Unless the parents are really struggling financially - in which case it would be reasonable to ask for contributions to rent etc. - or there's simply not any space, then I can fathom why this would be a problem. Assuming good relations between parents and child.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/03/2022 15:13

Mumsnet isn't a true reflection of how most people think.

My 21 year old DD will be coming home for the summer. I can't wait to have her here. She'll prob work a bit (lucky enough to have her old employer giving her ad hoc hours), I won't charge her rent, and I will treat her to lovely meals and even, shock horror .... a holiday Shock.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/03/2022 15:14

I appreciate I'm lucky to be able to treat her though and if I needed money to pay the bills she would help me out.

Original poster
Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 15:14

@BigSandyBalls2015

Mumsnet isn't a true reflection of how most people think.

My 21 year old DD will be coming home for the summer. I can't wait to have her here. She'll prob work a bit (lucky enough to have her old employer giving her ad hoc hours), I won't charge her rent, and I will treat her to lovely meals and even, shock horror .... a holiday Shock.

Whaa??? :O Haha! All completely normal stuff. MN can be weird sometimes but you could say that about most online forums I guess.
OP posts:
Blossom64265 · 16/03/2022 15:15

Popping home on breaks from university is totally normal and expected. Often halls close. Where else are students supposed to go? Having a small gap between classes or employment isn’t remotely the same as spending months on end sitting in your parents home doing nothing.

coloradoqueen · 16/03/2022 15:18

I don't think you need to worry too much about it. Both of mine came back for holidays and I wouldn't have expected them to pay rent while they were here - it's nice when they cook a meal though, and make sure they clean up after themselves.

My DS has actually managed to work some of his holidays through a temping agency, so it is an option if you fancy it. Indeed flex is pretty good.

sasparilla1 · 16/03/2022 15:20

I always thought it was perfectly normal to be at home in the holidays!

Dd is just about to take GCSE's, but I'd be really upset if she thought that she couldn't (or shouldn't) come home in uni holidays.

Although ds10 is already moving her out, and taking over her slightly larger bedroom, in his head!

Badgerstmary · 16/03/2022 15:23

I’m looking forward to my dd coming home for the Summer. She’s doing a placement year next year so financially it doesn’t make so much sense for her to work this summer, especially as her placement starts quite a bit earlier than uni. Last Summer she ended up with 3 part time jobs so she was hardly in so definitely deserves the chance this year to travel a bit. I haven’t read anything on here where parents are negative about their offspring returning home for the holidays. However I couldn’t imagine what she would have done if she hadn’t worked or had a big project to do.

Original poster
Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 15:24

@Badgerstmary

I’m looking forward to my dd coming home for the Summer. She’s doing a placement year next year so financially it doesn’t make so much sense for her to work this summer, especially as her placement starts quite a bit earlier than uni. Last Summer she ended up with 3 part time jobs so she was hardly in so definitely deserves the chance this year to travel a bit. I haven’t read anything on here where parents are negative about their offspring returning home for the holidays. However I couldn’t imagine what she would have done if she hadn’t worked or had a big project to do.
A lot of the threads I'm reading from are older ones cause I google search for them. Dunno if there's been anything very recently.
OP posts:
Shortname · 16/03/2022 15:25

I thought this is what all students did? I graduated 23 years ago and it's exactly what me and everyone i knew did. Went home for holidays. Majority got summer jobs or temp agency jobs but that wasn't a condition of being allowed to go home it just paid for us to go out etc. I don't yet have children that age but it's what I assumed they'd do when the time came.

Ducksurprise · 16/03/2022 15:26

People also post on here when they are fed up. Uni returners do forget that they are no longer living in a student house and they are no longer children.

Lazypuppy · 16/03/2022 15:28

I never went home aftet i went to uni, i lived there all year round and had jobs there all year round.

Original poster
Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 15:29

@Badgerstmary

I’m looking forward to my dd coming home for the Summer. She’s doing a placement year next year so financially it doesn’t make so much sense for her to work this summer, especially as her placement starts quite a bit earlier than uni. Last Summer she ended up with 3 part time jobs so she was hardly in so definitely deserves the chance this year to travel a bit. I haven’t read anything on here where parents are negative about their offspring returning home for the holidays. However I couldn’t imagine what she would have done if she hadn’t worked or had a big project to do.
Good on her for getting that placement! I got extremely close to doing one then got rejected after the second interview :( There were 4 amazing candidates they said and they could only afford to offer 2 the roles!
OP posts:
Original poster
Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 15:30

@Lazypuppy

I never went home aftet i went to uni, i lived there all year round and had jobs there all year round.
So is that what you'd expect your own kids to do? Or just sharing your personal experience?
OP posts:
Original poster
Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 15:34

@Lazypuppy

I never went home aftet i went to uni, i lived there all year round and had jobs there all year round.
I'm pretty close to living there all year round too actually if I'm doing 11 out of 12 months
OP posts:
BaggingTheWainwrights · 16/03/2022 15:43

I love my children coming home in the Uni holidays and I'd never dream of charging them rent whilst they are students.

balalake · 16/03/2022 15:50

If you are lazing in bed until lunchtime, then I'd be the first to criticise. Or not making any effort to do any of the usual menial tasks that running a home requires. However, you are not and so what you propose seems fine to me.

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