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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To live with my parents for just 1 month during the Summer?

79 replies

Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 14:58

A recurring theme on many MN threads seems to be that adult children (18-21) coming home from uni during summer is to be discouraged unless they can find a job or other project to do during that time.

Slightly unrelated to my own situation - I don't understand how MN users expect these students to get a job in their hometown for 2 months? In job interviews, you need to demonstrate your loyalty to the company and express that you want to stay there as long as you can. How bad is it gonna look on you if you hand in your notice after 6 weeks?? I think many employers might even refuse a reference for that...? I know summer jobs exist but they're like a gold dust in smaller towns, and there are FAR more students than there are summer jobs.

Anyway, I'm graduating from third year uni this summer (I'll be 21) and my house share contract runs out July 1st. Like last year, I was thinking of arranging to stay in my uni town for July then coming home for August only. Whether I do a masters or not I'll be living/working in my uni town again from September.

Yes, I have a part-time job right now (10 hours a week, could increase during summer) but it's mostly WFH so I wouldn't be going out for that while back home. I'd be able to pay my parents rent (if indeed they ask for it) and will of course be doing lots of housework, etc. I might nip back to my uni town now and then for volunteering (I work with a film society too) or to see friends.

Now, I know my parents won't bat an eye if I do this. Just wanted MN's opinion, as so many comments I've seen sound pretty harsh about this sort of thing - e.g. "No way will my son live with me for even 2 weeks without doing something!" or suggesting that students spending summers with their family are somehow scrounging off of them? Think this is a bit harsh, especially as your own family should be happy to finally be able to spend lots of time with you?

OP posts:

Mylittlepotofjoy · 16/03/2022 15:53

All 5 of my children came home in uni holiday and it’s their hike so we didn’t charge them or expect them to get jobs for the duration ! We are their parents and care and responsibilities don’t just stop at 18 !!!! Even now they could come home at anytime and we would help them

incognitoforthisone · 16/03/2022 15:53

A recurring theme on many MN threads seems to be that adult children (18-21) coming home from uni during summer is to be discouraged unless they can find a job or other project to do during that time.

Mumsnet is bloody insane sometimes.

It's totally normal for students to come home during the summer - I did, and so did all my friends. I did have friends who stayed in their university town to work over the summer or because their accommodation just made it more convenient, but I think more people went home than didn't. I have friends now whose kids are university age and they mostly seem to come home for the holidays too.

I also don't really get why Mumsnet is so obsessed with the notion that teens and students must absolutely not just chill out for a few weeks?! Great for a teen/student to have a bit of money coming in, sure, but I would have absolutely no problem with them putting their feet up and relaxing a bit for the summer. It's only a few weeks, and you probably won't have that opportunity again once you graduate, so assuming you're treating your parents and their house with respect and not trashing the place or monopolising their space, it seems perfectly fine to me!

sunshineandskyscrapers · 16/03/2022 15:53

I remember my mum being really pushy on me finding work when I came back after my first year. I made some speculative phone calls to swimming pools on my first day back at home and managed to line up some shifts so she wouldn't be on my back when she came home from work. I don't think the point she was making was about needing to bring money in, it was about instilling a work ethic that if you're able to work, you should be doing it. University holidays are so long so there is the potential to become an entitled brat in that time if you're not positively engaged in something.

Ishoos · 16/03/2022 15:54

We love having our son home for holidays. Lucky that we don’t need him to pay board but if we did he would. He works had during term time both with uni and a bar job so we’d be happy for him to just holiday with us.

irregularegular · 16/03/2022 15:56

no of course you wouldn't be unreasonable to go back to your parents for a month inbetween courses/jobs. I think it is perfectly normal for students to go home during the holidays and not pay rent. I think most students find some work, but only to pay for their own expenses both during the holidays and term time, not to contribute to household costs. There seem to be plenty of restaurants etc round here happy to offer casual employment to students.

gogohm · 16/03/2022 15:57

Plenty of zero hours type jobs around here, helps that it's partly a tourist area. I expect the kids to try to find work

BirdOnTheWire · 16/03/2022 16:09

I don't know anyone who is anything other than pleased when their offspring bounce back. It's a MN thing. Often people who had a less than happy relationship with their own parents and somehow resent it when others have supportive loving families.

Both of my DC came home from uni after they graduated and stayed here until they got proper jobs. They also came home all through uni during holidays.
One lived at home while they did training for a year, then moved away to start a paid post. The other worked part time locally until they got a grad scheme and moved away.
I love their company and we all get on very well as a family.
I was delighted to have them back home for as long as they wanted or needed.
They have since both been back once or twice for a few months and each time I am thrilled to have them back.
Youngest has been home for 6 months, WFH and is moving out (again) next week. It has been an unexpected bonus because I thought they had both moved out for the last time.

CallMeDaddy58 · 16/03/2022 16:15

My son is only 3 months old and I already can’t wait for him to come back home during his uni holidays 🤣

ThinWomansBrain · 16/03/2022 16:19

If it's agreeable for both you and your parents, why does anyone else's opinion mattter?

Disneygirl37 · 16/03/2022 16:21

If and when my kids go to uni I would love them to come back home for the holidays.

Original poster

Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 16:23

@ThinWomansBrain

If it's agreeable for both you and your parents, why does anyone else's opinion mattter?

I get what you're saying. I love my parents, but they're not infallible and they're only one perspective on the matter so I guess I value a range of opinions to get a "proper" consensus on how I'm doing at adulting XD

OP posts:

Jijithecat · 16/03/2022 16:29

The vast majority of people I knew came home during the uni holidays and picked up the part time jobs they'd been doing prior to university.
I can't recall seeing posts criticising children for coming home, but I guess it's not something I've been looking out for.

Badgerstmary · 16/03/2022 16:49

Op you sound lovely & very thoughtful. Your parents will be very lucky to have you home for August. Enjoy your time together.

VeryMuchFlaggingMinty · 16/03/2022 16:50

DD is off to uni next September. I'll be gutted if she doesn't come back during the holidays!

BlueSpottedGiraffe · 16/03/2022 16:57

I think this is just one of those weird things that mostly crops up on MN but not in real life.

I and most of my friends went home in university holidays and no one batted an eyelid. Some of us had zero hour jobs we could go back to others just had 6-8 weeks chilling out or managed to find a bit of temporary work.

Halllyup17 · 16/03/2022 16:59

My children will always be welcome in my house and I would never dream of charging them to be here, unless my financial circumstances drastically changed.

irishfarmer · 16/03/2022 17:08

I finished uni 10 years ago. Everyone went home for summer, or on J1/ Holiday rep in Spain. With regards to rent, I think I gave a small token amount that wouldn't have even covered my food bill I'd imagine!

I always assumed I could go home (which was to my grandparents house). I don't think it was ever discussed. It is different here in Ireland though, practically everyone goes home every single weekend. I know from English friends/ cousins it is not the case everywhere.

I think people have in issue with their adult DC coming home are not the same as what you are planning.

Original poster

Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 17:10

@irishfarmer

I think people have in issue with their adult DC coming home are not the same as what you are planning.

Oh, interesting - wonder why Irish students go home more often than the Brits...

OP posts:

BigSandyBalls2015 · 16/03/2022 17:16

My DDs will always be welcome here whatever their age … whether that is due to relationship break ups, money, ill health.

Same with close friends. One lived in our spare room for about six months.

Isn’t that what friends and family is all about!

Thegoodandbadlife · 16/03/2022 17:21

Come home in my holidays but will work as needed money for Uni. Rule is whilst a student I don’t have to pay rent or contribute to main food bill but extras I fancy or clothes and toiletries - my own pocket. The agreement is that once I’ve graduated and getting a permanent wage from a permanent full time job (if I don’t do my masters) I’ll start paying keep until I move out. However, I do help out a lot and cook 6/7 nights a week when back and clean so paying them in that sense.

Londondreams1 · 16/03/2022 17:23

I absolutely hated going home for holidays and only did so out of duty. I had to pack up my term time job each and every time and reapply for another one when I went back after Christmas or summer- the workplaces hated it too as I’d be leaving just when the Christmas rush was beginning so all that training wasted. Wasnt welcome at home, even though felt obligated to be there and then thought ‘oh well at least I can rest after just giving up my other job that i trained for, then told I have to work over the summer...!

I would be thrilled and over the moon if my children wanted to stay with me (but would be completely just as thrilled if they said they were going traveling with friends). And I would not charge them rent!

Ljmumun · 16/03/2022 17:28

My 19 yr old is.coming home. He better be! He won't get his monthly money from me while home but will be fed and definitely not charged rent. I'm even taking him on holiday. He plans to do some zero house work locally for his old employer as he's still on the books. Will be 15 hours or so a week minimum wage .

2bazookas · 16/03/2022 17:41

- I don't understand how MN users expect these students to get a job in their hometown for 2 months?

?????Students aren't looking for a career; just some temporary short term work in a shop/bar/restaurant/ car wash.

Original poster

Ahsoka2001 · 16/03/2022 17:43

@2bazookas

- I don't understand how MN users expect these students to get a job in their hometown for 2 months?

?????Students aren't looking for a career; just some temporary short term work in a shop/bar/restaurant/ car wash.

Yes, but my point is that even in these jobs the employers will often be discouraged if they know the candidate is just going to leave again after 2 months, and if you don't tell them this and then hand in notice after 6 weeks they'll be annoyed that you basically lied and said you'd be loyal to the company then left so early. I've had interviews for work in fast food places and shops and they always ask "Where do you see yourself in 5 years?" They want you to answer that you'll still be with the company.

OP posts:

Shinyandnew1 · 16/03/2022 17:46

I don’t know a single person who didn’t go home from university to their parents for the summer holidays. I have never read a post on here suggesting otherwise either

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