To live with my parents for just 1 month during the Summer?

[Ahsoka2001]

A recurring theme on many MN threads seems to be that adult children (18-21) coming home from uni during summer is to be discouraged unless they can find a job or other project to do during that time.

Slightly unrelated to my own situation - I don't understand how MN users expect these students to get a job in their hometown for 2 months? In job interviews, you need to demonstrate your loyalty to the company and express that you want to stay there as long as you can. How bad is it gonna look on you if you hand in your notice after 6 weeks?? I think many employers might even refuse a reference for that...? I know summer jobs exist but they're like a gold dust in smaller towns, and there are FAR more students than there are summer jobs.

Anyway, I'm graduating from third year uni this summer (I'll be 21) and my house share contract runs out July 1st. Like last year, I was thinking of arranging to stay in my uni town for July then coming home for August only. Whether I do a masters or not I'll be living/working in my uni town again from September.

Yes, I have a part-time job right now (10 hours a week, could increase during summer) but it's mostly WFH so I wouldn't be going out for that while back home. I'd be able to pay my parents rent (if indeed they ask for it) and will of course be doing lots of housework, etc. I might nip back to my uni town now and then for volunteering (I work with a film society too) or to see friends.

Now, I know my parents won't bat an eye if I do this. Just wanted MN's opinion, as so many comments I've seen sound pretty harsh about this sort of thing - e.g. "No way will my son live with me for even 2 weeks without doing something!" or suggesting that students spending summers with their family are somehow scrounging off of them? Think this is a bit harsh, especially as your own family should be happy to finally be able to spend lots of time with you?

@CallMeDaddy58

My son is only 3 months old and I already can’t wait for him to come back home during his uni holidays 🤣

I hear the day care at Oxbridge is fantastic. Baby architects stacking bricks, baby lawyers fighting in the sandpit, little theologians busy in the book corner...

@Shinyandnew1

I don’t know a single person who didn’t go home from university to their parents for the summer holidays. I have never read a post on here suggesting otherwise either

Here's one example: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4298922-adult-stepson-summer-hols

I wouldn’t charge my kids rent while they are students (unless my circumstances change to where I need to).
After they graduate, if they want to live at home while they find themselves a job/career, I’d charge them board so they don’t get too complacent living at home.

I definitely don’t agree with you’re 18, an adult, time to leave! You turn 18 while still at school (unless born in July/august) so still a school goer.
But I do agree with parents that can’t afford supporting an additional adult asking their kids to help out financially.
One size does not fit all situations!

Everyone I know went back to parents' houses in holidays. Of those I knew, lots didn't work at all. Others lived close enough to uni to keep their uni jobs. Some went back to jobs they had done in 6th form - because the main staff often wanted to take a few weeks off in the summer and they didn't need training it tended to work for both parties. Others picked up various one off work e.g. working events in the local stadium, flyering, babysitting, etc. Some worked for family/friends businesses.

It’s completely normal to go home during uni holidays and after graduating. It’s honestly not a big deal.

I’m in my mid-forties and have lived overseas for the last 20 years. I still go “home” to my parents for a month every summer with my children. My parents love having us and we love seeing them. No rent paid but I do a big chunk of the food shopping, cooking and help with the cleaning. We have discussed it many times over the years to make sure it works for us all and my parents say they always look forward to our summer visit. I’m very fortunate, I know.

My daughter graduates this year, she is coming home in August and will work for a month. She then starts her first nursing job in September assuming the NMC sort their shit out. She will always have a bed at my house.x

@Ahsoka2001 i will expect my children to do the same, as they will have jobs and commitments wherever they are living for uni. I couldn't imagine 'moving back home' at various points after i had moved out, however maybe thats because i did view it as i had moved out and gone to live at uni

I went home during the summer and as I was at a foreign uni my parents also paid hot my flights, it wouldn't have occurred to them or me gor it to be otherwise. My ds is in his first year and he'll be home this summer, I'll even give him pocket money every week (although not as much as when he's away, as I'll feed him)

Apparently I can't type 'for', lol

@Foodielady

I’m in my mid-forties and have lived overseas for the last 20 years. I still go “home” to my parents for a month every summer with my children. My parents love having us and we love seeing them. No rent paid but I do a big chunk of the food shopping, cooking and help with the cleaning. We have discussed it many times over the years to make sure it works for us all and my parents say they always look forward to our summer visit. I’m very fortunate, I know.

Wow, are you me? Word for word, except just one child, not 'children'

Anyway OP I think a big difference to your situation is when there is an adult child with absolutely no ambition, no schooling or attempt at work, no chores being done or other contribution to running the household, gaming all day or whatever. I think most parents enjoy having their children around, and don't want them having to waste money on temporary housing when they could be saving for their start in life. I know I enjoyed living with my DF in my mid-20s, and he did as well. (Big house though, we had our own spaces. That is, of course, another issue with adult children!)

Both my dc lived at home for a year after graduation.
I loved it.
In 2020 when furloughed dd got permission to visit for 4 weeks.
And this year my married ds and I are having a mother and son holiday because its a place we both want to visit.
Dh and dil are happy not to come.

Holidays are one thing but there's no such thing as a "summer holiday" after you graduate if you're not doing more education (I know you mentioned a Masters - that's different).

I worked for a month in my part time job in uni town, and then we moved 200 miles south where DH (then fiancé) had got a full time job starting July. I started in a full-time office job in the August and was there for 12 years.

We have students who work just in the summer.
Bank zero hours but they get lots of hours in the holidays.
Health care assistant roles.
We have student nurses, student doctors, physio therapy students and other not health related students.

Everyone I went to college with went home for the summers unless they were going travelling or something. Its the done thing among everyone I know. I always went home for summer holidays and I'll be more than happy for my children to do the same.

Seems fine, OP.

Here's one example:
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4298922-adult-stepson-summer-hols

Well most of those replies are saying it’s completely usual!

My home is my DCs home until they leave Uni and establish a full time job and home of their own. They come back during the holidays, as do all their friends, and my nieces and nephews!

People here are weird ! They are your parents

I've gone home for around a month to 6 weeks a year even since I had my own place 🤣

I don’t care how old my kids are-they will always have a home with me if they need it.

I always came home from uni for the holidays. I always got a job in the holidays (I don’t think my Mum would have tolerated me sitting around doing nothing and I definitely needed the money!) My mum didn’t charged me rent until I’d graduated and was working full time.

It's only on mumsnet where people spout that kind of nonsense. Myself and all my friends always went hoke for summer breaks, it wasn't even something any of us thought about.

I did often work but it wasn't a rule that my parents had, there were just a couple of local pubs that were happy to take on extra staff during the summer/Christmas periods

I didn’t return home when at University but I was working in a really decent job that was quite well paid and too many hours if I’m honest. Two of my brothers studied overseas so didn’t come home and worked long hours to fund themselves. None of us returned home to live but we aren’t English so wondering if it’s a cultural thing but more likely our parents who were very much tough love.

All my English friends went home. One was put out when her Mum changed her bedroom to a sewing and craft room, we were in our late thirties by then.

I think you’ve read far too much in to a few Mumsnet threads.

Most parents are delighted to have their children home for the full uni holidays, and afterwards if they want to job hunt or save for a house deposit.

Yes, it’s nice to offer to give your parents some money for bed and board, but that would be for if you’re living at home when working in a graduate role - not usually when you’re a student! In uni holidays I returned to cafes, pubs and a clothes shop that I’d worked in since sixth form, doing as many hours as they had spare so I could earn money to get me through terms at uni, but this is harder to do if you’ve not got something to return to in holidays.

I’m sure your parents will welcome you with open arms!

Uni mum here it hasn’t even occurred to me that she wouldn’t be coming home I know she’s out of halls in mid June & her new place isn’t available till September. Maybe next summer she may stay over summer as the house contract is for a year.
She also has a zero hour contract job role which she will increase her hours over summer at home and save etc wouldn’t expect her to pay rent at home. She does hours in her uni town as well during term time.