Not to want to take DM out when she is refusing to wear dentures?

[ThoseTallTrees]

AIBU? DM is refusing to wear dentures because she says they feel odd so she now has a permanent gap in the front.

I think it looks so horrible!!

I used to take her out to nice restaurants etc quite a bit but no longer want to do so because I find it horrible to look at her while eating and she seems a bit underdressed without teeth!

I’ve had lots of supportive conversations with her about options, but she says she prefers to leave it.

Honestly I find it quite repellent. I try not to do so but I can’t help it!

AIBU not to take her out to nice restaurants anymore?

I have false teeth they’re bloody uncomfortable.

I was going to say YABU as my mum has a big gap too and I don't even notice anymore.

However, the open mouthed chewing does and noise sound a bit off putting. Maybe you have misophonia.

Teeth make a huge difference to one's appearance. My friend lost a front tooth recently, and it was really hard for him, and to be honest it was something I found really hard to ignore.

But with both my mum and MIL, seeing them with no teeth, at the point where wearing dentures was no longer feasible (my MIL had Alzheimer's and just kept throwing them in the bin, for instance) was really disconcerting. Suddenly they looked twenty years older and not themselves any more. The first few visits at that point were really hard for me. They weren't 'them' any more because their faces fell in. And of course because they looked older and iller, it was scary at some level.

The 'real' them would have been mortified to be seen that way. They were both people who took pride in their appearance. So again, it was as if they weren't the people I knew any more. I was sad for them and for me.

@ThoseTallTrees

Ok I’m hearing you.

The irony is my DH used to feel this way about his mum and I used to think he was really mean. But now it’s my mum I feel exactly the same way. It’s really visceral.

why not just sit next to her rather than opposite her then ?

My darling Mum absolutely hated her dentures…looked wonderful but bloody uncomfortable. She always removed them as soon as she could after eating.And yes she looked 20 years older and grumpy after removing them but we loved our mother so much and didn’t care !When she died very suddenly we actually used a hammer to destroy them !!

used to take her out to nice restaurants etc quite a bit but no longer want to do so because I find it horrible to look at her while eating

Repellent?
YABU.
There is something that seems repellent in this case and its certainly not your poor mum and her teeth.

I understand, OP. My dad has dentures and when I was a child he would sometimes take them out to make us laugh/freak out. It was disgusting. I adore my Dad but seeing him without teeth was repellent. Like you say, it's visceral.

@ThoseTallTrees my nhs dentures (only 3 teeth, upper jaw) had a hard plastic plate which covered the roof of my mouth. My private dentures are fitted on a metal plate which is more like a grate. It doesn’t cover all of the roof of my mouth, only the outer rim iyswim. Sorry I’m not explaining very well.

Its so much more comfy. I put it in when I get up and don’t notice it for the rest of the day.

As for cost. Mine is 10 years old and I think cost £1000. I had so much dental work done when I had it fitted I can’t really remember what bits cost what.

Hope this helps.

I’m sure you’d like to imagine that you would NEVER do anything when you’re older that other people will find off putting. But here’s the thing: you absolutely will. And when your kids/grandkids/younger people in your life refuse to take you anywhere because they find you repellent and would rather you were in pain/discomfort than aesthetically displeasing to them, you will be really bloody hurt and upset by it.