Not to want to take DM out when she is refusing to wear dentures?

[ThoseTallTrees]

AIBU? DM is refusing to wear dentures because she says they feel odd so she now has a permanent gap in the front.

I think it looks so horrible!!

I used to take her out to nice restaurants etc quite a bit but no longer want to do so because I find it horrible to look at her while eating and she seems a bit underdressed without teeth!

I’ve had lots of supportive conversations with her about options, but she says she prefers to leave it.

Honestly I find it quite repellent. I try not to do so but I can’t help it!

AIBU not to take her out to nice restaurants anymore?

You do understand how hard it is to eat with dentures right? It's seriously difficult. I don't blame her taking them out.

Actually refusing to take her out would be unreasonable, but I do see where you're coming from. Seeing older relatives opting out of social norms and standards forces us to accept that they are really getting old and will not be with us forever, and that is upsetting.

A friend of mine was upset recently that her father has taken to eating breakfast in his pyjamas. Clearly nobody is being harmed by this and she said nothing to him, but it is something he never, ever would have done 5 years ago. It is rarely a good sign when people decide not to make an effort where they previously did.

Confused by everyone being horrible, I totally agree with you OP. It's odd to go out to nice places without teeth!

@Picklerickflag That has happened as well! It made me feel light-headed.

I think it's a real problem that dentures are only cosmetic. I understand they can be uncomfortable and painful, and it's really hard to eat while wearing them.
Are there any dentists out there who can offer a solution?

Wow. Yes incredibly unreasonable.

How would you feel if you were in an accident and had a scar on your face and your husband didn’t want to be seen with you in public?
Or an eyepatch after surgery? 🙄

I think you should be paying for her implants then.
Shes probably very uncomfortable, dentures are hard to wear and its even harder to know your kids are embarassed of you.

YAB disgustingly U

Maybe pay for her to have implants if it bothers you so much?

@DelphiniumBlue

I think it's a real problem that dentures are only cosmetic. I understand they can be uncomfortable and painful, and it's really hard to eat while wearing them. Are there any dentists out there who can offer a solution?

Snap ins. But that's also extremely painful if you need bone grafts. Having dentures is not straight forward at all, many people never learn to eat with them.

Grimupnoorth snap!

I have offered to pay for implants.

I don't think you're awful OP!

I'd feel repelled too! That doesn't mean you're a horrible person, it would be anyones natural reaction unless they themselves also need dentures. I'm repelled at the hole in my own mouth where a tooth was pulled (luckily at the back).

Most humans are repelled by obvious signs of decay in bodies. It's a human response. I can't remember the actual term for it.

I'd not want to watch her eat either, and I'd tell her!

@TheYearOfSmallThings So far I have just cooked for her at home instead. I think it’s worse because she’s always chewed with her mouth open too. Now without the front teeth we get a full view if we looked her way.

So do people who have no teeth not deserve nice dinners? What a nasty attitude.

@JiannaTheWitchQueen It is such a gut thing. I’ve really tried not to feel it but I can’t help it. I just resent spending loads of money at nice places now when I feel so grossed out by the experience.

I am fully hearing that I may be a terrible person and daughter.

It's totally up to her, you are way overstepping the mark.

I think you need to accept this is your issue not hers and look at ways for you to deal with it rather than her.
I'm also confused about the reference to 'nice' restaurants. Are you happy taking her to cheaper restaurants then? If so it sounds like you're worried about what other people think of her (and you), so maybe also work on why you're so worried about what other people think.

Honestly OP just do other nice things with your dm that won't involve eating. Especially with the mouth open whilst chewing thing.

Go for walks, go to garden centres (without cafes) go for a spa treatment. Anything other than food!

I feel for you op.
I have an instant, as you say , visceral reaction to seeing / hearing "messy" eaters.

I know it's not their fault , I know it's my problem but I have had to physically take myself away on occasions (subtllty done so as not to embarrass)

In your situation it's not how my mum looks that bothers me but the physical aspects of eating that is the trigger .

I can't "just ignore" it.

@Gowithme I don’t think I’m over worried about what other people think, it’s really about how it makes me feel a bit nauseous.

I think the previous point about seeing older relative’s decline being hard is also very true though.

I would feel similarly OP. I know it’s awful to admit but I could not bear to watch anyone eating like that. I would feel sick. It’s mean but true.

I know how you feel, OP. My mom has loads of teeth missing and won’t wear her dentures. She also eats with her mouth open. I love her but it’s really unpleasant.

I think the dentures thing is a bit mean.
But chewing with your mouth open is disgusting.
I would also struggle with sitting opposite someone doing that.

@Baaaa

You are so shallow

This.