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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to take DM out when she is refusing to wear dentures?

109 replies

ThoseTallTrees · 16/03/2022 12:25

AIBU? DM is refusing to wear dentures because she says they feel odd so she now has a permanent gap in the front.

I think it looks so horrible!!

I used to take her out to nice restaurants etc quite a bit but no longer want to do so because I find it horrible to look at her while eating and she seems a bit underdressed without teeth!

I’ve had lots of supportive conversations with her about options, but she says she prefers to leave it.

Honestly I find it quite repellent. I try not to do so but I can’t help it!

AIBU not to take her out to nice restaurants anymore?

OP posts:
MurmuratingStarling · 16/03/2022 14:36

Wow, you ARE kidding right @ThoseTallTrees What a nasty way to treat your mum.

Who the F is saying YANBU? Confused No WAY are you being reasonable!

CremeEggThief · 16/03/2022 14:39

What a horrible attitude to have towards your own mother. Sad

Createabitofuntruenews · 16/03/2022 14:42

I wear front dentures,I would NEVER go out anywhere without them in.

I am in total agreement about the OP not wanting to take her Mother to a nice Restaurant when she has no teeth in! She is not saying she wants nothing to with her Mother,just that she doesn’t want to go in Restaurants with her!

I am sure if I asked my family if they minded me not wearing my dentures when out dining with them,they would say you not coming with us!

flowertoday · 16/03/2022 14:44

I think.@ThoseTallTrees that with respect you are a very lucky person. Lucky to have your mum, and incredibly fortunate to be pondering how much you should spend on a restaurant .
I think perhaps you are being unreasonable, and unduly concerned with things that really couldn't matter any less.

TreatTrimTame · 16/03/2022 14:45

The irony is my DH used to feel this way about his mum and I used to think he was really mean.

least you know you're very similar and well suited to your DH

JiannaTheWitchQueen · 16/03/2022 14:48

I think it's more ironic that posters are piling in and saying the OP is being horrible.. whilst they're being horrible Grin gotta love MN!

Vimto1991 · 16/03/2022 14:51

My mom doesn’t have many teeth through years of abuse from my dad, smoking and coffee. I’d never ask her to wear fake teeth. It’s her face. She’s my mother. She’d love me no matter what! On my wedding day she smiled with her mouth closed in all photos - I didn’t ask, she’s obviously got low self esteem because of it. I’d find it rude and upsetting to ask my mom to pop dentures in just to take her out for a nice meal. :(

RealRaymondReddington · 16/03/2022 15:00

But it prevents you having/doing certain things together and I feel you you may end up regretting being bothered about such a small thing.

5128gap · 16/03/2022 15:01

I don't think you're being shallow OP. My dad used to eat without his teeth in and it turned my stomach. Its not just the sight, it's the slurping, lip smacking sound. I could never eat around him and I loved him very much indeed. I wish I'd have just told him as I'm sure he would have put up with them for me, but I could never bring myself to.

Valeriekat · 16/03/2022 15:02

I would hate it too. People are being horrible to you.

MurmuratingStarling · 16/03/2022 15:12

@JiannaTheWitchQueen

I think it's more ironic that posters are piling in and saying the OP is being horrible.. whilst they're being horrible Grin gotta love MN!
No-one is being as 'horrible' to the OP, as she is being about her own MUM.

Says a lot about you that you think people on here are being old meanies but the OP's behaviour is OK. Confused

MurmuratingStarling · 16/03/2022 15:12

@Valeriekat

I would hate it too. People are being horrible to you.
'People' are really NOT being horrible to the OP.
MurmuratingStarling · 16/03/2022 15:13

@5128gap

I don't think you're being shallow OP. My dad used to eat without his teeth in and it turned my stomach. Its not just the sight, it's the slurping, lip smacking sound. I could never eat around him and I loved him very much indeed. I wish I'd have just told him as I'm sure he would have put up with them for me, but I could never bring myself to.
Hmm
beinggreen · 16/03/2022 15:14

Am I right in assuming you're female?

Is part of your discomfit really that every woman turns into her mother eventually, and you're staring at a future that you don't want to be yours?

You have to separate out your own feelings about your own old age from your feelings about your mother. It's cruel to stop socialising with family because of the way that they look, but I can understand that this may be more about your own self-image than the way your mother looks.

MurmuratingStarling · 16/03/2022 15:21

@beinggreen

Am I right in assuming you're female?

Is part of your discomfit really that every woman turns into her mother eventually, and you're staring at a future that you don't want to be yours?

You have to separate out your own feelings about your own old age from your feelings about your mother. It's cruel to stop socialising with family because of the way that they look, but I can understand that this may be more about your own self-image than the way your mother looks.

This.

Reminds me of someone I know who got married in 2019, who has 7 cousins - 5 female and 2 male. She didn't invite 2 of her 5 female cousins, because they were 'too fat,' and she didn't want them 'ruining her wedding photos.' Hmm The OP (and several others on here) reminds me of this woman.

5128gap · 16/03/2022 15:21

Not quite sure what quoting me and adding an emoji contributes to the discussion MurmuratingStarling. If you have something to say in response to my post, maybe type out some words?

Clarabe1 · 16/03/2022 15:25

More importantly why is your mum not wearing her teeth? If she never wears them she will struggle to eat and that will have a detrimental affect on her health. If the dentures do not fit or there is a problem you could be a good daughter and help her to get this fixed.

Clarabe1 · 16/03/2022 15:29

Sorry I’m just seen the bit where you have tried to help her. To be fair you can’t do anything more than that. It’s is horrible when people eat with no dentures in. It’s sad that your mum won’t take you up on the offer of help

MrsMinge · 16/03/2022 17:16

@MrsEricBana

This has upset me, I cannot believe someone would be so nasty.
Me too, but my comment has been deleted 🙄, I'll stand by what I said though
Puzzledandpissedoff · 16/03/2022 17:24

She’s always chewed with her mouth open too. Now without the front teeth we get a full view if we looked her way

I get it's not nice for your mum to miss out, OP, but this isn't nice for others either - you included

Doubtless it'll be said "they can always look away", but you'd hope she'd have some consideration for others too, rather than merely saying "You'll have to put up with it"

You say (fortunately) that it's not stopped you seeing her, so how about having her to yours instead, and making a fuss of her over something special?

Sceptre86 · 16/03/2022 17:28

It is mean not to take her out because of it but I can understand the ick factor. Let's hope you don't lose your teeth early. Dentures are painful for a lot of people and take a while to get used to. I'm not sure how you can raise it without really hurting her. You really are just going to have to get used to it.

Original poster
ThoseTallTrees · 16/03/2022 17:51

@Mrsherdwick that’s very interesting! Can I ask what sort of cost private dentures are? (I have no idea) Why are they so different?

OP posts:
TheNoodlesIncident · 16/03/2022 19:26

she says she finds it hard to breathe when she closes her mouth while eating so we have to put up with it.

@ThoseTallTrees - Is there a chance she could have nasal polyps? I do and wasn't ever able to breathe adequately through my nose.

Luckily most recent GP had a proper look, diagnosed nasal polyps, prescribed a steroid nasal spray and now I can breathe easily through my nose for the first time in fifty-odd years, it's AMAZING. I also couldn't keep my mouth entirely closed when eating, I felt like I would suffocate if I did. Perhaps it's something she could look into?

It's genuinely horrible being unable to get enough breath in even when lying still, so I feel sorry for her. I also had a denture thing for a while and it was absolutely awful, so I can empathise with her over that. It's just not fun.

user1471453601 · 16/03/2022 19:36

I totally understand where you are coming from, opening poster. I've had dentures for a few years, and the thought of being seen without them horrified me. I've also asked staff to ensure my dentures are put in as soon as it's safe to do so when I've had to have a general anasthetic.

Even when my mouth is sore, I'd sooner go to bed alone than let anyone see me without them. I fell last year after I'd taken them out. The first thing I asked when I was discovered was that the person who found me get my container with my dentures in it. I was bleeding from various places and ended up.having a CT scan, neck brace and back board while being transported to hospita!

Doodar · 16/03/2022 22:55

Totally get you OP, my mum was like yours, and spat food while she was chewing.

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