To not want to babysit other people's kids at my daughters swimming lesson

[littlebird2]

My dd has been doing swimming lessons since September.
I had a baby last April so she was 4 months old when dd started.

It started with a little 2 year old girl who's sister swam in my daughters class. Every week she would not leave me alone. I love children but she would come over and just keep pointing saying "baby", poking my baby in the face, taking her toys, HER DUMMY, climb all over us and her mother would say her name every now and then but not actually
Get up to come get her but carry on chatting to another parent. Some days I would be exhausted as dd2 isn't a great sleeper and really not want to entertain other kids. And also bf, so if she'd want a feed during the lesson this kid would literally be right next to us or jumping in the sofa we were sat on.

Now there is also 3 year old twins that do the same thing. Take DD's toys, try pick her up, poke her face etc, They started a about a month ago. We get there at 3.40, 20 minutes before my DD's lesson, they don't swim until 4:30 in the next class, god knows why they are there so early. but the mum just sits on her phone and lets them run wild in the gym cafe for an hour before their lesson. She also takes the only seat where parents can see their kids swim, yet her children aren't even swimming. One of the twins was sick right next to me a few weeks ago and she didnt notice until I got up to tell her.

I've contemplated hiding in the changing rooms until after the lesson but then I wouldn't get any glimpse of dd swimming.

I'm considering emailing the swim company but I'm not sure what they can say to "can you ask other parents to keep their annoying kids away from me so I can just sit and watch my daughter swim in peace?"

Seriously? Why do some people (mostly women) care about being “the bad guy” to the extent they put up with unacceptable behaviour?
Just assert yourself firmly but politely

Thanks everyone.
I get it. I am too soft and need to put my big girl boots on so to speak. They are only children and usually I wouldn't mind chatting to them but it's just becoming a pain in the backside now and it's annoying I have to ask other parents to look after their own children.

I am by no means a perfect parent and would never ever claim to be but would never allow my kids to do this.

What I've not understood so far is why they haven't brought things to entertain their kids. Colouring books etc. The twins mum sits on her phone with a coffee and snacks every week.

I don't let the kids take her things btw, I'm very aware of covid and other nasty things kids spread. But while trying to entertain my baby, watch dd swim when I can actually see, they do it but I do get them back right away and antibac them when I get home.
Frustrating I have to do this though as then the baby can't use them then when I have brought them for her to play with.

I'm not a complete wet. But didn't want to cause upset towards the kids.
Will be more firm and ask them to go back to their parents next time.

DH is taking dd swimming tonight so I'm off the hook 😂

“No thank you”
“No touching baby thank you”
“No touching babies toys thank you”
“Baby has had enough now back to mummy”

In a firm tone

@littlebird2

Thanks everyone. I get it. I am too soft and need to put my big girl boots on so to speak. They are only children and usually I wouldn't mind chatting to them but it's just becoming a pain in the backside now and it's annoying I have to ask other parents to look after their own children.

I am by no means a perfect parent and would never ever claim to be but would never allow my kids to do this.

What I've not understood so far is why they haven't brought things to entertain their kids. Colouring books etc. The twins mum sits on her phone with a coffee and snacks every week.

I don't let the kids take her things btw, I'm very aware of covid and other nasty things kids spread. But while trying to entertain my baby, watch dd swim when I can actually see, they do it but I do get them back right away and antibac them when I get home.
Frustrating I have to do this though as then the baby can't use them then when I have brought them for her to play with.

I'm not a complete wet. But didn't want to cause upset towards the kids.
Will be more firm and ask them to go back to their parents next time.

DH is taking dd swimming tonight so I'm off the hook 😂

You're doing what most decent people do; putting up with rudeness or annoyance because you don't want to "make a scene". But speaking out is not a crime, nor is it rude. If the other mother gets angry about it then that's her problem, not yours. Timid people are being trampled over by brash people who don't give a damn, and it needs to stop (me included)

@littlebird2 I do of course. I tell them not to touch her face or ask them politely to leave her toys but toddlers are quick!!
I pick her up and keep her to the other side of me.

You need to adopt the MN favourite: NO
Every time they come near you, don’t wait for them to physically touch your baby or your stuff. Just as soon as they are in touching distance say NO. GO BACK TO MUMMY. And wave them away.

Many many people get away with being rude because other people don't want to be seen as the "bad guy" or cause confrontation. I sympathise with you OP, but the other parents are at fault there, not you. You need to feel completely confident asking the children to leave and if they don't, saying to the parents, "Please keep your children away as it's disturbing me and/or the baby".

@littlebird2 - ^I don't let the kids take her things btw, I'm very aware of covid and other nasty things kids spread. But while trying to entertain my baby, watch dd swim when I can actually see, they do it but I do get them back right away and antibac them when I get home.
Frustrating I have to do this though as then the baby can't use them then when I have brought them for her to play with.^
So, when you do notice, you take the child back to their parent/guardian and helpfully suggest that they bring their own books/toys/soothers for their own children to keep them occupied as it is not your job and they are your DD's belongings.
Start asserting yourself. Your DD will learn from you and you can be polite but still manage to assert yourself.

@littlebird2

Thanks everyone. I hate to say that children are grating on me but they really are. And it's not even their fault, it's the parents.

I think you're right and I just need to be more assertive/ speak to the parent.
I just didn't want to create an atmosphere because I see them every week but it really driving me nuts now.

"I just didn't want to create an atmosphere" - it's not you creating an atmosphere,it's them. Bear that in mind. It's all them.

I used to go swimming at the local pool and I'd find that bored older kids would often try and interact with me, chattering incessantly about rubbish in the way that kids do and asking questions. I'd tell them I was trying to swim and to go back to their mum and they'd swim away for about 2 minutes then they'd be straight back. It was a nightmare as when I asked where their mums were they'd always say the café, so not even in the bloody pool.

Eventually I saw a few of them with mum in the café afterwards and so decided to try and tackle this. I suggested that it'd be better if she was in the pool with her kids as they were bored and bothering other people. She shrugged and said that she came to the pool to get a break and I obviously didn't have kids with me so it was "hardly a chore" for me to talk to her kid for a bit. It was genuinely like I was her free childminder or something.

I don't go to that pool anymore - I go somewhere where the majority of sessions are adults-only. Much better. You do need to talk to the parent, OP, but I wouldn't be surprised if she's in the exact same vein as the woman in the café. Some people genuinely seem to believe that it's everyone's job to be their kids' parent.

I feel this is just an everyday occurrance, as many others have said just sharply tell the child and if necessary the mother. If you behave like a doormat even toddlers will walk all over you. Being assertive is not rude