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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to babysit other people's kids at my daughters swimming lesson

85 replies

littlebird2 · 15/03/2022 19:26

My dd has been doing swimming lessons since September.
I had a baby last April so she was 4 months old when dd started.

It started with a little 2 year old girl who's sister swam in my daughters class. Every week she would not leave me alone. I love children but she would come over and just keep pointing saying "baby", poking my baby in the face, taking her toys, HER DUMMY, climb all over us and her mother would say her name every now and then but not actually
Get up to come get her but carry on chatting to another parent. Some days I would be exhausted as dd2 isn't a great sleeper and really not want to entertain other kids. And also bf, so if she'd want a feed during the lesson this kid would literally be right next to us or jumping in the sofa we were sat on.

Now there is also 3 year old twins that do the same thing. Take DD's toys, try pick her up, poke her face etc, They started a about a month ago. We get there at 3.40, 20 minutes before my DD's lesson, they don't swim until 4:30 in the next class, god knows why they are there so early. but the mum just sits on her phone and lets them run wild in the gym cafe for an hour before their lesson. She also takes the only seat where parents can see their kids swim, yet her children aren't even swimming. One of the twins was sick right next to me a few weeks ago and she didnt notice until I got up to tell her.

I've contemplated hiding in the changing rooms until after the lesson but then I wouldn't get any glimpse of dd swimming.

I'm considering emailing the swim company but I'm not sure what they can say to "can you ask other parents to keep their annoying kids away from me so I can just sit and watch my daughter swim in peace?"

OP posts:

Walkingalot · 16/03/2022 07:30

A baby and other kids toys are a bit of a magnet to some kids. Keep saying 'no' and 'please don't touch' and get louder if they persist. The kids will hopefully get the message, even if the parents don't!

Dentistlakes · 16/03/2022 07:34

Unfortunately your mistake was to engage with these children in the first place. Now they make a beeline for you, other children see it and before you know it you are under siege!

You will need to be very direct, polite but direct. If the children don’t take the hint then repeatedly send them back to their parents and if that fails, physically take them back. Hopefully it won’t come to that.

catoftheland · 16/03/2022 07:49

@RedHelenB

Mountains out of molehills. We just all talked to each other and abused the younger siblings between is when mine had swimming lessons

Ummmm

lunar1 · 16/03/2022 07:59

The woman taking the only seat where you can view the pool, hover over her so you can see. Cough a bit and comment on how you are so happy there is no legal requirement to isolate with covid anymore.

MRex · 16/03/2022 08:00

I'm a little concerned that you have two children now, yet don't know how to set basic boundaries for children. Say "Go back to mummy now" firmly, repeat as needed and walk them to mummy if required, tell mummy "This one is being a bother today, please keep her away from me, thanks."

Mariposista · 16/03/2022 08:13

This sounds really annoying - depending on how long the lesson is, can’t you take the baby out and off for a walk around the area in the pram then come back when it’s time for the older child to finish swimming?

Original poster

littlebird2 · 16/03/2022 08:26

@Mariposista

This is a good idea! Especially now the weather is getting better.

OP posts:

Original poster

littlebird2 · 16/03/2022 08:28

@MRex

My children are very well behaved an polite. I would never allow them to do what these children are doing. So of course I know how to set boundaries. But these aren't my kids. I don't want to be that person that seems to be telling another persons child off because then I would be the bad guy

OP posts:

Bluechinavase · 16/03/2022 08:31

I’m gobsmacked that there a few on here who think it’s acceptable to pass the buck to the swimming pool staff to deal with. Have we become so incapable of dealing with stuff ourselves that we have to always look to someone else, who is in no way responsible, to sort out our lives when it gets a bit awkward? As someone said upthread, cringe, cringe. OP I understand where you are coming from but this is yours to deal with and yours alone.

RedHelenB · 16/03/2022 08:33

Oh dear, it should be amused.

Lesperance · 16/03/2022 08:42

I don't want to be that person that seems to be telling another persons child off because then I would be the bad guy
Reframe it in your head as looking after your baby, rather than telling another child off. And don't worry about what the other parents think, they clearly are not worried about what you think!

LookItsMeAgain · 16/03/2022 08:42

I would do what the others have suggested about saying it to the children directly and clearly and loudly enough that their parents can hear you.
If they don't do anything when you do that, then get up, walk out and go over to reception and say that there are children clearly unsupervised climbing over tables and that is a health & safety risk, if they fell off the tables and got injured it would be terrible if the sports centre was implicated because they weren't told to stop their children climbing over the furniture. Ask them to put up LOADS of notices for in time for the next lesson saying "Children must be supervisied at all times. Management reserve the right to refuse admission to anyone not supervising their children" (or something like that).
Once they have been told to supervise their children, then you can be very vocal about the situation.

Also, why are you letting these children take/play with your DD's dummy and toys? That's really strange especially in a post-Covid world that you wouldn't have said something about that by now?

LookItsMeAgain · 16/03/2022 08:43

@littlebird2 - I don't want to be that person that seems to be telling another persons child off because then I would be the bad guy
Actually that would make you the parent of your own child and you'd be seen by these children as just another parent. Not the bad guy at all.

Hoppinggreen · 16/03/2022 08:44

@Duckyneedsaclean

Work on your mean face, I just give kids I don't want to interact with a look.

I find of you hiss at them they bigger off pretty sharpish

MRex · 16/03/2022 08:45

@littlebird2 - OK, stating the bloody obvious, but you set a boundary for another child in the same way as for your own, by stating what's expected of them. "Go back to mummy now" is not "telling another persons child off", and it's a bit confusing why you think it is, it's just setting a boundary. If the child hit your baby then you said you tell them to stop and that IS "telling another persons child off", but I'd expect you to then walk the child back to the parent and say what they've done so the parent can sort them out. All you're doing is enabling bad behaviour, getting upset and generally being wet about the whole thing. You're an adult, act like one and these petty irritations will melt away.

MajorCarolDanvers · 16/03/2022 08:47

You need to assert yourself. Politely tell the other parents you don't want their children to disturb and can they mind them.

Sitting there week after week play along they will think you are quite happy.

Just tell them

Don't involve the staff it's not their job to deal with this. It's yours.

Be a grown up.

lovescats3 · 16/03/2022 08:48

As soon as they come over loudly tell them you'd better go back to your mummy she's looking for you and if necessary escort them back.id have no truck or patience with this

billy1966 · 16/03/2022 08:49

OP,
You need to be much firmer.

This sort of thing happens to some people and not others, the difference is boundaries.

Firmly asking people to mind their children as they are bothering you and your baby is not rude.

Unfortunately some parents simply don't care.

Years ago a friend was similarly annoyed with her baby as we were chatting
and told the swimming pool via email that there was a clear health and safety issue with small children running in and out and not being cared for, and it was her intention to report it as she was sick of looking at it and being anxious for their safety.

I heard about it because suddenly the following week there was a supervisor putting manners on the parents that were allowing it and she claimed credit 😁.

As for someone without a child blocking the window?
Why wouldn't you ask them to move.

Assert yourself.

This can be done calmly, pleasantly, but firmly.

I think there is nothing wrong with you speaking to the pool management if you wish.

You should be able to sit and observe your child swimming without being hassled by children whose parents aren't looking after them.

lovescats3 · 16/03/2022 08:50

Don't let them touch your baby unless you don't mind them catching covid

MrsSkylerWhite · 16/03/2022 08:53

Just tell the other parents you don’t want their kids with you 🤷‍♀️

LuckySantangelo35 · 16/03/2022 08:53

@LazyDoll

Why do you get there so early? Can’t you slope in at the last minute and make yourself unapproachable?! Sling? Ear buds in?! Etc etc.

@LazyDoll Why should she have to??

LuckySantangelo35 · 16/03/2022 08:56

@RedHelenB
“Mountains out of molehills. We just all talked to each other and abused the younger siblings between is when mine had swimming lessons”

Good for you! I couldn’t be arsed with that and it sounds like not many others on here could either. Op will spend many hours of her life entertaining small children, why should she do it for other non-related children during a time in which she could relax if only the kids parents would make them piss off away from her and her baby!

Frenchie8690 · 16/03/2022 09:02

@Wishihadanalgorithm

I’d shout over to the other parents they need to collect their kids. I’d holler quite loudly and if they don’t collect them, I’d be telling the children to get off and get away. I’d be firm and then even firmer!

This. I really don't like kids, even though I have my own so I take no prisoners on this front

GabriellaMontez · 16/03/2022 09:11

because then I would be the bad guy

I disagree. Being assertive doesnt make you a bad guy.

But it does boil down to
a. Continue to have your morning ruined by kids whose parents aren't bothered

B. Speak up and say "NO Tabitha doesnt want to play this morning go back to your Mum"

Momicrone · 16/03/2022 09:15

Well whether you are perceived to be the bad guy or not, just own it.

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