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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to babysit other people's kids at my daughters swimming lesson

85 replies

littlebird2 · 15/03/2022 19:26

My dd has been doing swimming lessons since September.
I had a baby last April so she was 4 months old when dd started.

It started with a little 2 year old girl who's sister swam in my daughters class. Every week she would not leave me alone. I love children but she would come over and just keep pointing saying "baby", poking my baby in the face, taking her toys, HER DUMMY, climb all over us and her mother would say her name every now and then but not actually
Get up to come get her but carry on chatting to another parent. Some days I would be exhausted as dd2 isn't a great sleeper and really not want to entertain other kids. And also bf, so if she'd want a feed during the lesson this kid would literally be right next to us or jumping in the sofa we were sat on.

Now there is also 3 year old twins that do the same thing. Take DD's toys, try pick her up, poke her face etc, They started a about a month ago. We get there at 3.40, 20 minutes before my DD's lesson, they don't swim until 4:30 in the next class, god knows why they are there so early. but the mum just sits on her phone and lets them run wild in the gym cafe for an hour before their lesson. She also takes the only seat where parents can see their kids swim, yet her children aren't even swimming. One of the twins was sick right next to me a few weeks ago and she didnt notice until I got up to tell her.

I've contemplated hiding in the changing rooms until after the lesson but then I wouldn't get any glimpse of dd swimming.

I'm considering emailing the swim company but I'm not sure what they can say to "can you ask other parents to keep their annoying kids away from me so I can just sit and watch my daughter swim in peace?"

OP posts:

Whyemseeaye · 15/03/2022 21:57

This is such poor form from the parents.

My youngest is one of these types of children and I keep him on a very tight rein when we’re out and about. He’s lovely and very sociable but it’s definitely not everyone’s cup of tea.

I let him say hello to people but I also round him up fairly quickly with a cheery say goodbye now! Unless the person he’s speaking to actively engages him. You can just tell when someone is up for a big toddler chat!

If I were you I’d get to swimming earlier than you normally do. Bag the good seat and barricade yourself with a pram and completely blank the annoying children. Any touching baby or toys would be met with a loud no thank you!

LazyDoll · 15/03/2022 22:03

Why do you get there so early? Can’t you slope in at the last minute and make yourself unapproachable?! Sling? Ear buds in?! Etc etc.

ginswinger · 15/03/2022 23:05

Just sit in the car? That's what I do for my DD's swimming lessons. It's a nice 30 min break and the novelty of watching your child in the pool does wear off.

Absolutely don't email the swimming company IMO. You will look like a bit odd and what exactly are they going to do? Fence you off?

busyeatingbiscuits · 15/03/2022 23:08

1st time "Go back to your mummy"
2nd time "Excuse me can you come and get your child, she's bothering my baby"

Appolonia · 15/03/2022 23:35

I don't know why you're being so polite to these kids.
If some child came poking at my baby, I'd sharply say to them "No poking! Stay away from the baby!"
If the kids were just interested in the baby, but didn't touch him/her, then I'd prob just chat to the kids.

linmanuel · 15/03/2022 23:38

God I had this
It was particularly galling as we had a mothers help who was looking after the younger ones so I could concentrate on the older ones at swimming. And then this other child took a shine to me and the mum would laugh and chat hahah

linmanuel · 15/03/2022 23:38

So glad I don't have swimming lessons any more

3Daddy31982 · 15/03/2022 23:39

They are both passively neglecting their child.

Firm voice and hard stare. "Time to go back to your Mummy." Use repetition.

Looking at your phone and not the twins is passive neglect.

5zeds · 15/03/2022 23:46

I agree just send them back to their own mothers.

MarthaFokker · 15/03/2022 23:49

Grey rock the kids except for to tell them to go back to their parents.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 15/03/2022 23:53

@busyeatingbiscuits

1st time "Go back to your mummy" 2nd time "Excuse me can you come and get your child, she's bothering my baby"

Yeah this. You shouldn't need to get up - send the child back to mummy. Every. Single. Time.

venusmay · 15/03/2022 23:57

Sometimes 'go away' is required if you've tried to get these children to leave you alone. If that doesn't work I'd be walking over to the parents and explaining that their children need care.

AffableApple · 16/03/2022 00:20

Why are you being nice to them? Stand up so they can't reach (if you're physically able to). Firmly and loudly: "No touching, please. Where is Mummy?" Paddington hard stares to Mummy. Increasingly raised voice until she notices. If Mummy is a dick, you tell Mummy her kid shouldn't be touching yours and could she keep her away now please, and thank you. No smiling. Done

Rno3gfr · 16/03/2022 00:54

“can you ask other parents to keep their annoying kids away from me so I can just sit and watch my daughter swim in peace?"

^I would actually email this to the pool. Cite safety issues, Covid or whatever.

I’d also probably say sweetly to the child, “your mummy is over there sweetheart, she won’t want you sitting next to a stranger”, just loud enough for the lazy parent to hear. I am a bitch though, I can’t be bothered with other people’s children when I’m tired.

ThePrincessSleptFor100Years · 16/03/2022 01:00

Oh, and can I sit here please - my DD is swimming and I’d like to see her. Will be sure to give you the seat when it’s your turn to watch

Lol you can’t do this!! She had the seat before you!! Annoying but that’s life.

Also you caaaaant ask the swim company to stop other kids pestering you because you’re too bloody wet to do it yourself. God what a cringe.

Flickflak · 16/03/2022 01:10

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

Original poster

littlebird2 · 16/03/2022 06:41

I'm not a mean person. I don't want to be awful to these children and I am well able to stand up for myself.
I didn't want to cause unnecessary confrontation with these parents.

The children are pretty much unsupervised. Especially the twins. One fell off a coffee style table and the mother barely noticed. I don't know if she gets there so early for space for them to run around but that's definitely not the place and why not go to the park before if that's the case.

To pp, I wouldn't say we are there early, by the time dd is changed, been to the loo etc it's almost time for her to swim. And we go straight after school so don't have time to go home first.

I think I will just politely but firmly ask them to go back to their mum. And choose a different seat. We sit in the sofa area so I can sit the baby next to me so she can play but maybe I will leave her in the sling and just stand near to window so I can watch dd swim.

OP posts:

balalake · 16/03/2022 07:03

OP, getting a parent to take responsibility and interact with their child is not unnecessary confrontation. If it persists, talk to the pool organisers, not emails which are often ignored.

Cherrysoup · 16/03/2022 07:10

Ask them to go back to their parent/stop touching the baby.

I would be shouting over to the parent every single time.

Joystir59 · 16/03/2022 07:13

Go back to your mummy. Repeat.
Come and get your child please. Repeat.

Bluechinavase · 16/03/2022 07:17

You absolutely must not email the swim company. For what purpose would that serve? You are just wanting them to say what you seem to be unwilling to do. Just politely tell the kids that the baby needs to sleep, you need to make a call/email so can you go back to your Mum/Dad now please.

RedHelenB · 16/03/2022 07:23

Mountains out of molehills. We just all talked to each other and abused the younger siblings between is when mine had swimming lessons

TokyoTen · 16/03/2022 07:24

Be superficially polite but sharp. Kids engage if you are friendly so don't engage at all. If they want to look/touch your DC call out to their parent. A polite but curt "baby doesn't want to play now go and find your mummy/daddy" usually worked for me.

SartresSoul · 16/03/2022 07:28

‘My baby doesn’t want to play/baby needs sleep/baby needs a feed so can you go back to your Mummy please’. Keep doing this until you’re left alone. I feel for you, they sound like a nightmare.

DoYouSeaWhatISea · 16/03/2022 07:29

@RedHelenB

Mountains out of molehills. We just all talked to each other and abused the younger siblings between is when mine had swimming lessons

I know this is a typo, but it did make me giggle.

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