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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand why do would take the risk with the baby?

96 replies

Poppoppogo · 14/03/2022 20:51

I feel like DP is taking really silly risks with our baby. They’re less than 2 months old.

I just found DP filling up the bottle machine with water from the upstairs tap. We’ve discussed loads of times that we think it might come from the tank in the attic, it tastes very odd. I don’t drink it, but DP isn’t really bothered and fills up his bedside glass from there. I was quite upset, and asked dp not to do it. He looked at me like I was overreacting and said he was fine and he drinks it and the machine has a filter. I said why take the risk for the sake of just going downstairs, and he’s now gone to bed annoyed at me.

This isn’t the only thing. I watched him doing the powder for the bottle the other day by just sort of shaking it a bit level rather than using the leveller. DC has a sensitive tummy and it annoys me that he couldn’t just do it properly.

We made a 2 minute car journey a few days ago. When I got there I found that he’d done the car seat straps up, but not tightened them at all. His argument that it was only 2 minutes.

He regularly puts DC in odd sleeping positions and places. I went upstairs the other day and DC was on our bed, with a blanket practically over their face, right at the top of the bed where there’s a baby-head-sized gap. No baby monitor on.

I am a bit of a worrier, but he normally does things really fastidiously and I really don’t get why he would suddenly be taking those risks with our tiny baby.

Am I being naggy and overreacting or is he being careless?

OP posts:
sevensleeps · 14/03/2022 20:54

YANBU, this would upset me too - especially the water and the unsafe sleep Sad

Gotajobthrunepotism · 14/03/2022 20:55

Nope. He needs to get a grip. Need to be very safe with babies

ivykaty44 · 14/03/2022 20:56

Perhaps because you’re a worrier you do things in a way that are much more safety conscious and bib and braces.

Not everyone is like that and so will be careful but not doubly careful

Perhaps try and jyst sweat the small stuff and only pick up on the really important stuff

Chamomileteaplease · 14/03/2022 20:57

OMG! Might he be trying to emotionally/mentally abuse you by mistreating your baby? To me that would be torture.

I hope someone here knows what you should do because personally I would not let him anywhere near my baby Sad.

Findingthelight1 · 14/03/2022 20:58

With DC1 I'd have been with you. By the time I got to DC2 I'd have just wanted to focus on the genuinely dangerous stuff (baby asleep on your bed with their face almost under a blanket, for example) rather than the non issues (the water, the not using a leveller for formula)

Eloisedublin123 · 14/03/2022 20:58

He’s a muppet

Nelliephant1 · 14/03/2022 20:58

@Chamomileteaplease

OMG! Might he be trying to emotionally/mentally abuse you by mistreating your baby? To me that would be torture.

I hope someone here knows what you should do because personally I would not let him anywhere near my baby Sad.

Oh for goodness sake! Over reaction much 😤🙄
BobMortimersTrout · 14/03/2022 20:59

This is awful - you are not overreacting to any of this OP. I'd be livid - car seat, sleep, and possibly unsafe water - genuinely, it's like he doesn't give a shit about your child. Don't leave him alone - I'm sorry you can't trust him.

MoirasWigStand · 14/03/2022 20:59

I don’t see an issue with any of those things. I once forgot to strap my baby in at all and for quite a long journey! Everyone makes mistakes. Try e other stuff doesn’t bother me, but it obviously bothers you. I think you have to meet in the middle.

endofthelinefinally · 14/03/2022 20:59

He is being careless.
I used to go out with someone who was part of a helicopter ambulance crew. One of the most distressing cases was a baby who had been left on a double bed to sleep and had slipped between the bed and the wall and suffocated. It was decades ago but I have never forgotten it.
Cold water tanks are not the cleanest places. Drinking water should come straight from the mains.

SpaceshipDay · 14/03/2022 20:59

We are anxious about babies because they’re very fragile and vulnerable and rely on us 100% for care. I’d be really passed off about the water and formula, but livid about the car seat and unsafe sleeping. These are really serious and if he can’t understand that ge shouldn’t be caring for your baby.

Aquamarine1029 · 14/03/2022 21:02

I could not be in a relationship with this idiot.

Citronsucre · 14/03/2022 21:03

Did you both do an antenatal class together like NCT?

The choices he is making are not safe and the corners he is cutting are genuinely high-risk.

Basically, don’t let him have anything to do with feeding or sleep or baths or things like car seats.

Could he perhaps do a baby first aid course?

autienotnaughty · 14/03/2022 21:05

The leveller probably not that big a deal. The water hard to say but I agree I wouldn't risk it. The rest are terrible does he genuinely not see the seriousness of what he is doing? He's a grown man he should know a baby goes in a cot and car seats need to be fastened correctly. I'd ick your battles but go hard on these two. It's just not acceptable.

Hercisback · 14/03/2022 21:05

You need to sort the actually dangerous stuff from the stuff that's a bit annoying.

The powder leveller is an overreaction from you.

Car seat depends how tight they are normally. I barely needed to tighten mine so wouldn't have been overly bothered.

The water isn't great but I doubt it's dangerous to drink.

The bed thing is the worst. I'd be having words about that.

Easterbunnyiswindowshopping · 14/03/2022 21:05

Does he generally think rules don't apply to him?

Original poster
Poppoppogo · 14/03/2022 21:07

I agree the formula one is a bit of a silly one, but trying to get him just to make bottles properly has been a bit of a saga. First he was weighing it, but you get different weights every time if you scoop it, so I suggested taking an average if he really wanted to do it like that. Nope, his method was fine apparently. He had to really be persuaded not to reheat bottles or not to use ones that have been sitting out for ages. He was really funny about having to sterilise anything at first. Every time he acts like im making up the faffy rules!! (Bottle making is a bloody faff, but you just get on with it, don’t you)

OP posts:
surreygirl1987 · 14/03/2022 21:07

I'm pretty relaxed with my two boys, but that would really worry me. Babies are really vulnerable. He needs to sort it out.

solbunny · 14/03/2022 21:10

@Poppoppogo

I agree the formula one is a bit of a silly one, but trying to get him just to make bottles properly has been a bit of a saga. First he was weighing it, but you get different weights every time if you scoop it, so I suggested taking an average if he really wanted to do it like that. Nope, his method was fine apparently. He had to really be persuaded not to reheat bottles or not to use ones that have been sitting out for ages. He was really funny about having to sterilise anything at first. Every time he acts like im making up the faffy rules!! (Bottle making is a bloody faff, but you just get on with it, don’t you)
Christ almighty. I'm sorry you have to deal with him OP he sounds a nightmare!
nodogz · 14/03/2022 21:10

I'm angry on your behalf, what's wrong with him?

To be so lazy and careless to not realise that you are going wind your partner even tighter by making these choices. He's basically just forcing you to become neurotic. You'll never rest or trust him.

Babies are vulnerable. Really vulnerable. Especially what they eat, where they sleep and how they travel. I would not trust this fuckwit with a baby or a relationship. It's out of the parameters of normal.

Chocomelon · 14/03/2022 21:11

@ivykaty44

Perhaps because you’re a worrier you do things in a way that are much more safety conscious and bib and braces.

Not everyone is like that and so will be careful but not doubly careful

Perhaps try and jyst sweat the small stuff and only pick up on the really important stuff

It's not small stuff when it's a tiny baby and concerns safe water and safe sleep!
solbunny · 14/03/2022 21:11

I don't know if I'm just being dense but I cannot imagine that weighing the formula was less effort than just using the scoop?! Do you think he just has a stupid thing about not being told what how to do things?

Chocomelon · 14/03/2022 21:12

YANBU OP

Original poster
Poppoppogo · 14/03/2022 21:13

@Citronsucre

Did you both do an antenatal class together like NCT?

The choices he is making are not safe and the corners he is cutting are genuinely high-risk.

Basically, don’t let him have anything to do with feeding or sleep or baths or things like car seats.

Could he perhaps do a baby first aid course?

We didn’t, I have other children (he’s a cracking step dad) and I’m an early years practitioner. I really wanted him to just do a bit of research into baby wrangling, but he didn’t. I try so so hard not to correct things that aren’t quite right and not to intervene in how he’s parenting, but some things I can’t ignore.
OP posts:
Beachbabe1 · 14/03/2022 21:14

Wow i would not be happy either!! What is his problem!! Does he not understand how to protect the most precious thing you will ever have! Keep moaning at him till he gets it! And if he doesnt, dont leave him with the baby!

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