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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not understand why do would take the risk with the baby?

96 replies

Poppoppogo · 14/03/2022 20:51

I feel like DP is taking really silly risks with our baby. They’re less than 2 months old.

I just found DP filling up the bottle machine with water from the upstairs tap. We’ve discussed loads of times that we think it might come from the tank in the attic, it tastes very odd. I don’t drink it, but DP isn’t really bothered and fills up his bedside glass from there. I was quite upset, and asked dp not to do it. He looked at me like I was overreacting and said he was fine and he drinks it and the machine has a filter. I said why take the risk for the sake of just going downstairs, and he’s now gone to bed annoyed at me.

This isn’t the only thing. I watched him doing the powder for the bottle the other day by just sort of shaking it a bit level rather than using the leveller. DC has a sensitive tummy and it annoys me that he couldn’t just do it properly.

We made a 2 minute car journey a few days ago. When I got there I found that he’d done the car seat straps up, but not tightened them at all. His argument that it was only 2 minutes.

He regularly puts DC in odd sleeping positions and places. I went upstairs the other day and DC was on our bed, with a blanket practically over their face, right at the top of the bed where there’s a baby-head-sized gap. No baby monitor on.

I am a bit of a worrier, but he normally does things really fastidiously and I really don’t get why he would suddenly be taking those risks with our tiny baby.

Am I being naggy and overreacting or is he being careless?

OP posts:

Franca123 · 15/03/2022 11:44

I think you're overreacting and being a control freak. Sorry. Micromanaging how he makes a bottle up?! It's just a baby's bottle. You need to get a grip.

BorgQueen · 15/03/2022 12:01

Jesus, if it’s an uncovered water tank there could be dead animals/birds/rodents in there, an adult shouldn’t drink it let aline a bloody baby.
There’s lax and there’s downright dangerous, he sounds like the latter.

Kanfuzed123 · 15/03/2022 12:06

@Franca123

I think you're overreacting and being a control freak. Sorry. Micromanaging how he makes a bottle up?! It's just a baby's bottle. You need to get a grip.

NO!

Formula needs to made according to manufactures guidelines. Anything else alters the nutritional properties which is dangerous. If you formula feed please don’t wing it, make up as per manufacturer’s guidelines

chouchoutan · 15/03/2022 12:17

If you wanted to make sure, you can check if the water is coming from a tank or mains quite easily.

Stick your thumb over the end of the tap and turn it on a tiny bit. If it's mains the water will spray out from under your thumb - you can't contain it. If it doesn't spray out and you can hold it back then it's a tank.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/03/2022 12:42

@SparkleSpangle

If he is anything like my DP was, he is being deliberately useless so you take over more and more of the jobs until you are doing it all and think it was your idea.

I'm sure there is a name for it...

We call it, The theory of Incompetence. This was visited on me by both DH and relatives and just reading this thread makes we remember how awful it was dealing with it, as it creeps up on you and makes you feel always on the alert, and feel like you have to keep explaining how you want things done safely and made to feel like you are a nag, But in the end if you are the only responsible person there, that is what you have to do But do question why other people are so irresponsible and why they want to take such risks, don't let them just laugh it off.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 15/03/2022 12:45

@Kanfuzed123 I agree, and what a 2 or 3 year old may be fine with is not acceptable for a newborn.

Kanfuzed123 · 15/03/2022 12:52

[quote DuckbilledSplatterPuff]@Kanfuzed123 I agree, and what a 2 or 3 year old may be fine with is not acceptable for a newborn.[/quote]
Exactly! @DuckbilledSplatterPuff. I can’t believe how many posters are saying it’s nbd to make up a bottle any old how… its really shocking

NowEvenBetter · 15/03/2022 13:21

You find this man putting your infant at risk attractive? Acceptable?
Behaving like SIDS is a joke is fucking abhorrent.

NowEvenBetter · 15/03/2022 13:25

he thinks I’m being a nag
So he’s a misogynist too. Or does he use that term about males as well?
Doesn’t seem like he’s keen to educate himself on bare minimum safety and infant care. Good luck with that.

Deadringer · 15/03/2022 13:28

I am quite easy going generally but i wouldn't take any kind of risk with a tiny baby. Surely it's just as easy to do things properly? It sounds to me like he is lazy.

SouperNoodle · 15/03/2022 13:33

The car seat one is absolutely inexcusable. Had he been in a crash in those two minutes, your baby would've been seriously injured if not worse.

He sounds like a complete and utter irresponsible prick and I would be telling him in no uncertain terms that he either looks after the baby properly or he's gone and will have to have supervised visits as he clearly can't be trusted.

Tamworth123 · 15/03/2022 13:42

He's a lazy careless bastard.

Amazing that you say he's been a fantastic step father.

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2022 13:52

@ivykaty44

Perhaps because you’re a worrier you do things in a way that are much more safety conscious and bib and braces.

Not everyone is like that and so will be careful but not doubly careful

Perhaps try and jyst sweat the small stuff and only pick up on the really important stuff

The car seat and the bed were really important.

Either could be fatal

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2022 13:53

@MoirasWigStand

I don’t see an issue with any of those things. I once forgot to strap my baby in at all and for quite a long journey! Everyone makes mistakes. Try e other stuff doesn’t bother me, but it obviously bothers you. I think you have to meet in the middle.

And you were bloody lucky! Which doesn't make someone being so careless ok.

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2022 13:54

@Franca123

I think you're overreacting and being a control freak. Sorry. Micromanaging how he makes a bottle up?! It's just a baby's bottle. You need to get a grip.

And not doing the car set straps up properly?

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2022 13:55

@Poppoppogo

I agree the formula one is a bit of a silly one, but trying to get him just to make bottles properly has been a bit of a saga. First he was weighing it, but you get different weights every time if you scoop it, so I suggested taking an average if he really wanted to do it like that. Nope, his method was fine apparently. He had to really be persuaded not to reheat bottles or not to use ones that have been sitting out for ages. He was really funny about having to sterilise anything at first. Every time he acts like im making up the faffy rules!! (Bottle making is a bloody faff, but you just get on with it, don’t you)

Get your HV to explain about bottles and safety

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2022 13:59

@Summerfun54321

My parents found a dead pigeon in their upstairs water tank that feeds their bathroom tap. We were told never to drink the water as children, glad I never did! There’s no way on earth I’d give water tank water to a newborn.

Yes, but you still wet your toothbrush...

not envy

Pinkflipflop85 · 15/03/2022 14:01

We weren't allowed to wet our toothbrushes in the upstairs sink at nans because of the tank. There was a jug of water and little cups to decant it into. (Digresses from the point of the thread)

Nanny0gg · 15/03/2022 14:06

@Poppoppogo

Having looked at some of your other posts, I'm not sure how he can be a good stepfather when he's a pretty useless partner,

Did he get the bike?

Original poster

Poppoppogo · 15/03/2022 14:15

@Tiredan

Is there any chance he might resent the attention you are now giving the baby that previously might have fallen to him?

I say this as my ex, like iwanttomarryamillionaire's exP did similar. He later confessed that he knew once the kids were born that he would never be the centre of attention again. Any risk to the kids was and remains a guaranteed superhighway to my attention and it didn't matter to him whether the attention was good or bad. I left him to protect the DC and he only gets closely supervised access these days.

I am probably projecting a bit here as I'm still processing my situation but if there is a chance this is the case here it's a pretty dangerous situation to be in. I hope it's not what's happening in your family.

My goodness, what an absolute psychopath. I really hope you and your children are ok now.

OP posts:

solbunny · 15/03/2022 17:14

@Franca123

I think you're overreacting and being a control freak. Sorry. Micromanaging how he makes a bottle up?! It's just a baby's bottle. You need to get a grip.

Yeah, OP. It's just your baby's bottle. How irrational, nay, hysterical of you to care whether your new tiny baby gets a bacterial infection. And to expect the father of your child to care about said child's safety? Ridiculous, I say!

there's always (at least) one on mumsnet, isn't there? It's hard to say if these people deliberately set out to upset people and will say whatever they need to do so, or if it's simply a case of stupidity. Control freak, bloody hell.

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