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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset

77 replies

mummysboy65 · 14/03/2022 19:51

Ok so dd lives a few hours away she's generally come back for birthdays, Xmas etc or we have come to her. She has a bf of 10 months who lives near us so she is back regularly to see him and us. It was dh bday recently but she didn't come visit as she had been back the week before for ds birthday and couldn't use holidays to stay the week and couldn't afford train fare. We were fine with this until she rang to say she was come home two days after dh bday as it was her bf dsis birthday. She had also said she wouldn't come for Mother's Day as she's back for her grans birthday (big one) the week after. Again fair enough. But now she's said she's going to seaside nearby with bf and his parents mother day weekend so another train back. Am I right to feel a bit put out?

OP posts:
lemongreentea · 14/03/2022 19:58

Is she a kind, cosiderate an caring daughter otherwise?

Shes obviosly in the first stages of love and wants to spend as much time with her boyfriend. I wouldnt be upset by this but you obviously are.

HELLITHURT · 14/03/2022 19:59

That's young love..... it's fine, priorities change I'm afraid.

WeDontShutUpAboutBruno · 14/03/2022 20:02

Sounds like she is taking the visits turn about, which is pretty reasonable.

Turningpurple · 14/03/2022 20:02

He is her boyfriend and she is balancing spending time with his family and yours. That's life.

Unfortunately, she wasn't always going to prioritise your family when she met someone. It's a balance.

Cherrysherbet · 14/03/2022 20:03

It’s her life. She can do what she wants to do.
If you start making her feel under pressure to visit, she’ll probably come over less often.

How old is she?

Thewindwhispers · 14/03/2022 20:04

My guess is her BF’s family are paying for the seaside trip.

Ponoka7 · 14/03/2022 20:05

She's trying to fit you all in. You're seeing quite a bit of her tbh. Do you normally make a big thing out of Mother's day? Mine and my GM's birthday was around MD, so we used to just combine the two. Relationships change as our children grow up and so does the time that they can give us.

ldontWanna · 14/03/2022 20:07

She's in a relationship now so she has to balance time with bf, his family and her own family.

Is the bf paying/driving her when she attends his side of the family events?

PinkSyCo · 14/03/2022 20:08

That’s what happens when your children get into relationships I’m afraid. You’re just going to have get used to sharing their time and be happy that they’re happy.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 14/03/2022 20:14

She seems to come back for your family occasions quite regularly for someone who lives a few hours ago.

She is a young adult with her own life to live.

Tillymintpolo · 14/03/2022 20:16

Why don’t you go to her ?

JustFrustrated · 14/03/2022 20:17

@Tillymintpolo

Why don’t you go to her ?
Was also going to ask, how often do you go to her?
Kage30 · 14/03/2022 20:18

I can understand your point of view but she's a grown woman with a relationship and I think you'll have to get used to it. It's unrealistic to think she'll visit every single week, my family live nearby as do the in laws but it's hard fitting it all in - and that's with living within 10 miles of them!

It's bloody hard balancing everything - work, social life, hobbies, family, relationship etc etc!

Original poster
mummysboy65 · 14/03/2022 20:19

@Tillymintpolo

Why don’t you go to her ?
We do sometimes visit her but we'll have a ds who is coming back for mother day. She's actually going past where we live to go away so it's even further for her to travel.
OP posts:
Qwill · 14/03/2022 20:19

She sounds a lovely considerate woman trying to fit in all the trips for both families, and with a bit of time for herself. Give yourself a pat on the back for bringing up such a well rounded individual. Please don’t make her feel guilty, it will only make her resent you and you’ll see her even less.

FlowerArranger · 14/03/2022 20:20

@HomeHomeInTheRange

She seems to come back for your family occasions quite regularly for someone who lives a few hours ago.

She is a young adult with her own life to live.

This!!!^

Be happy you see her as often as you do. I am lucky to see mine once or twice a year - as are many others whose adult children live across the globe...

FairWindClearSailing · 14/03/2022 20:21

Yabu, op. she can't come back for everything and time needs to be split when you have a partner.

vamptramp · 14/03/2022 20:29

It sounds like she's come to visit a lot recently, and will soon be visiting again?

EmpressSuiko · 14/03/2022 20:30

YABU. She is doing her best to spend time with you and her bf/his family. Her priorities will be changing now as if her and her bf are getting serious then she is going to want to spend time with his family to and it sounds like she is trying to do it fairly. Please don’t make her feel guilty or that she has to prioritise you, it wouldn’t be fair on her.

NerrSnerr · 14/03/2022 20:30

How old is she? It sounds like she is visiting all the time. I know that when I was a young adult there certainly wasn't the expectation of coming home for every 'event' or I'd never get any downtime from work or time to make my own adult life.

WonderfulYou · 14/03/2022 20:31

I completely get you and would feel a bit sad but she only has a certain amount of free time so she’s going to have to share that free time between her family and boyfriend.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 14/03/2022 20:31

YABU. It sounds like you’re struggling with the changing dynamics as she gets older and gets someone else meaningful in her life.

Haus1234 · 14/03/2022 20:32

YABU, let the poor girl live her life

Manekinek0 · 14/03/2022 20:40

I would expect you to take turns to do the travelling. It's a lot to expect from her, financially and the amount of time.

HomeHomeInTheRange · 14/03/2022 20:41

You are sounding mardy and demanding.

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