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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Cancel the whole thing?

115 replies

Anon53228 · 13/03/2022 18:07

Having photos done for our house next week so we can get it on the market. Already delayed it twice due to not getting house photo ready. Today I just lost my temper at DH and told him to cancel the whole thing and let’s not move. I’m really overwhelmed. I do 100% of the cleaning, cooking and taking care of our 2 young kids (under 5) and I work full time. He does nothing except go to work. He literally finished his dinner, leaves plate on table and goes to bed leaving me to deal with bedtime for kids abs clean up after dinner.

I’m embarrassed with the estate agent coming next week as house is a tip. Theres clothes everywhere and I’m really depressed which makes anything a huge issue. I’ve told him to just cancel it and we’re going to live here for ever now. I cannot cope. Shall I just leave it or shall I take a breather and spend all night cleaning?

I absolutely hate him. He never understands the pressure on me. I asked him to help me for just one hour this weekend and he hasn’t. It’s just clothes everywhere and dishes piling up.

OP posts:
Devon1987 · 13/03/2022 18:46

Stop doing anything for him. He has no respect for you. Is this the example you want to set for your children. Did my cook , wash his clothes etc. and arrange a cleaner weekly

Tana433 · 13/03/2022 18:47

My son is an estate agent. He reckons houses dont have to be immaculate to sell, you are not selling a show home, you are selling a family home. Make sure it is clean and not cluttered as clutter makes the room appear smaller. If possible have neutral coloured carpets and paintwork as lots of people cant vision what the house could look like if there is a bold colour they dont like on the wall (weird, i know). If it is reasonably priced and in a fairly good area he reckons it should sell well. Your marriage sounds like a far bigger problem!

tiredanddangerous · 13/03/2022 18:51

Why are you buying a house with a man that you hate? Look for somewhere for you and your dc and leave him to it.

Hollywolly1 · 13/03/2022 18:52

I think it makes a difference if a bathroom is clean especially to have taps shiny and that's easy with those noodle dusters, one you close wardrobe doors and have beds made well,kitchen counters wiped down.
If someone wants a house in your area they will buy and I'd assume people can see past belongings in a house

HELLITHURT · 13/03/2022 18:55

Why would you even want to move with this man, so you pick up his plate when he just leaves it? Why?

Honestly, why would you want that life? I would be telling him to move out, not to cancel the move!

Heronwatcher · 13/03/2022 18:58

I think the house is the least of your problems TBH. Absolutely don’t move at the moment- see your threat through- unless it’s to take your share of the equity and buy some of your own. If you do then no doubt you’ll have to do everything. Before you even think about buying a house with this man think about how you got into this ridiculous situation and make a plan of how to get out of it. My first suggestion would be financial independence and a hobby that takes you away from the house for at least an evening and squirrelling away some money.

SamMil · 13/03/2022 19:00

Could you hire a cleaner, as a one off? Then it's only tidying you need to worry about.

I also agree with the advice to lose the useless husband...

Faevern · 13/03/2022 19:01

You are not intending to move with him are you? If the answer is yes take the house off the market and stay put. It's going to be worse every time you get a viewing.

Spend your energy on getting rid of him. Then think about where you want to live.

toomuchlaundry · 13/03/2022 19:01

Photos for the house particulars are the least of your worries.

Why are you planning to move? if you move do you think your situation will improve (unless you are leaving DH at the same time)?

MrsHumphrieswife · 13/03/2022 19:03

Do not move with a husband who is, well, not a husband.

Think about your next steps in life in getting rid of this man. He doesn't respect you. This is shown in his complete lack on interest in what life is like for you.

HollowTalk · 13/03/2022 19:04

@RandomMess

Why are you letting your H be lazy and not do his share?

I wouldn't be moving house when your marriage is so unbalanced.

She's not "letting" him do anything! He's doing it without her consent.
HollowTalk · 13/03/2022 19:05

Speak to a mortgage advisor about what you could get without him.

Notimeforaname · 13/03/2022 19:08

He literally finished his dinner, leaves plate on table and goes to bed leaving me to deal with bedtime for kids abs clean up after dinner

I absolutely hate him. He never understands the pressure on me. I asked him to help me for just one hour this weekend and he hasn’t

This a horrible way to live. You hate him, you let him use you as a slave.
Leave him.

Mewski · 13/03/2022 19:14

@Hellocatshome

Get the house on the market and move into a new house without your useless husband.
Agreed!
supersop60 · 13/03/2022 19:16

Your husband sounds awful. I hope you are moving so you can separate.
I would tidy up as much as possible, though. A messy house looks like you don't care (I'm not saying that's true for all), and it might cause the question - what else don't they care about? Maintenance?
Good luck with the sale.

Wnkingawalrus · 13/03/2022 19:16

He literally finished his dinner, leaves plate on table and goes to bed leaving me to deal with bedtime for kids abs clean up after dinner

Why is he going to bed before the children? That’s not normal OP.

NeedAHoliday2021 · 13/03/2022 19:17

Tip for photos: shove any clothes laying round in the wash basket and put it in the car. Have a few boxes to shove stuff in (my car was bursting)! The photographer also helped shove clutter behind him so it wasn’t in photos!

Might be time to review your relationship though. Good luck xx

Londoncallingme · 13/03/2022 19:18

Well for a start don’t cook for him - beans on toast or fish fingers for kids, let him cook for you two whilst you do the kids routine. It’s beyond ridiculous to do all of the chores when working full time. He needs a wake up call but as long as you keep doing it all, he’ll keep taking it all! Just stop.

spagbog5 · 13/03/2022 19:19

I’m sorry it’s so tough op.
Surely it’s best to not move house if you’re marriage is so poor but you and the children stay in your house and him move out .
Knowing your doing it all once he’s gone will be so much easier and you can sort the house out in your own time.

Stroppypeople · 13/03/2022 19:21

Why are you putting up with such a dickish husband?

Hisea · 13/03/2022 19:21

@Hellocatshome

Get the house on the market and move into a new house without your useless husband.
This..
Roundeartheratchriatmas · 13/03/2022 19:23

Are you continuing to cook wash clothes and do anything for him ? If so why ?

iPaddy · 13/03/2022 19:24

Why are you enabling your arsehole husband like this? Definitely cancel the move and sort out your relationship first.

Walkingalot · 13/03/2022 19:28

Do not commit to moving/tying yourself up further with this man. You need to sit down and have a serious talk about the imbalances in your relationship first.
If you're just having a bit of a moment, then fine. But you mentioned you hate him - that's strong emotion there. Have a real serious think about it. Is it make or break time?

notanothertakeaway · 13/03/2022 19:29

Your DH clearly doesn't respect you. If you both work FT, you should be sharing chores

I'd get that sorted before moving to a new house together

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