Turning up to baby shower with no gift?

[OMeOMy]

I'm having a last minute panic as I'm due to attend a relative's baby shower tomorrow and have not bought a gift (young baby of my own, no time for anything, this is is first social thing I'll have done without the baby). It's at a cafe and we're paying for own own food plus the mum to be's. I plan to but a gift when the baby is born. Is this a massive faux-pas?! Should I try to cobble together some sort of gift this evening?!

@BusySittingDown

Although could you not nip to a supermarket now? Asda/Tesco/Sainsburys do some lovely baby clothes.

Do they? Supermarkets near me don’t sell any clothes, baby or not. You can buy socks and tights, I think, but not for babies.

My standard gift is a pretty card with 'I promise to pay the bearer on demand the sum of a day's babysitting'. That might increase to a week for a very close family member or friend.

I've never given a gift before the baby comes. It feels a lot more meaningful choosing it when the baby is here.

The only thing you can do, if you want to, is buy a voucher online and print it off. However, it seems a bit much if you were planning to buy a present when the baby comes! And pay for her share of the meal. Vouchers for small amounts like £10 for online only can be a pain because you have to spent X amount for free delivery. So maybe if it's a small amount, Amazon (hoping she has Prime) or a high street shop you know she goes to.

I say this as one of my friends has given me vouchers for online stores for £10/15 and I've ended up having to wait til I buy something bigger (not baby shower related!).

Strange baby shower when people have to pay for own food and the mother to be food as well as expectation of gifts?

But some flowers and a bar of chocolate or a pack of muslins/something cheap but useful. I totally get the pressure of being a new mum yourself but if personal feel uncomfortable turning up with nothing.

A book for the baby is an excellent present. Easily bought too.

Sorry I've just read my post back, sounds like I was having a bit of a dig! Not intentional, I think I was showing my distaste to baby showers!
Yeah maybe missed a trick, maybe didn't look like you expected people to give you things! I know which one I'd prefer people to think of me as =)

I think you will have to get a voucher OP as annoying as it is. If you didn't then you would be regarded as the rude one when in fact it's the host for throwing herself a party and having her guests pay for it 😑

@daisypond, ah ok, fair enough - I guess not everyone has access to a large supermarket. My three local huge supermarkets have big clothing sections and they're 24 hour (Tesco has F&F, Asda has George and Sainsburys has Tu). Even my local small Aldi (open till 10) sells babygros, vests, socks and the odd toys and books in the aisle of shite treasures in the middle.
We're lucky, I guess.

Oh well, OPs suggestion of a cook voucher is perfect. I never had a baby shower either!

The cook voucher is actually the best gift ever for a new mum!!!

@OMeOMy

Do you think an online Cook voucher would do?

As others have said, perfect. Then tell mum-to-be that new parents can sign up for 10% off and they have a new parents bundle, which is 7x different meals in 14 portions (in case you need to eat separately as one of you naps).

Money in a card?

@daisypond whereabouts do you live? I live in the arse end of nowhere and all the supermarkets have a clothes section?

Caveat: US point of view.

Yes, YWBU to show up without a gift. That's the point of a baby shower. Normally the gifts are layette items to help 'set up the nursery' before the baby's arrival or gifts to 'ease' the mother's early weeks like diaper service or to make her feel good, like nice creams/lotions and the like.

BUT (and again US-centric) it is the height of bad taste to throw oneself a shower of any kind, or for a shower to be thrown by any relative, especially a close one. An exception would be if perhaps a cousin was also the honoree's BFF. But normally, it is just not done.

Normally, the 'costs' are borne by the hostess if it's at someone's home. But it's also not unusual for the costs to be shared around if it's a group of friends organizing.

If I got an invite from someone throwing themselves a shower, especially with the expectation that I was going to kick in to help pay for it, I'd politely decline.

One of the best presents I ever got was a pair of lush satin pyjamas ( with a very stretchy waistband).
I loved that I had something that fit and was pretty.

Anyhow... Maybe a little something for baby, and a little something for her?

I wrapped up a bottle of Calpol for a baby shower once. It went down very well! The showeree (my cousin) did know that I had clubbed together with my sister for a proper gift once the baby had been born though. I just wanted her to have something to open.

baby shampoo oil & baby bath these you will be able to get from supermarket

@ThinWomansBrain

I usually make a present (crochet) for friends but I never finish it until baby is here my sister started a baby blanket for a friends child before it was born. baby is now 45. blanket not finished

Lol, I'm not that bad. I usually leave 2 or 3 stitches left to do once baby is here.

@AcrossthePond55

Caveat: US point of view.

Yes, YWBU to show up without a gift. That's the point of a baby shower. Normally the gifts are layette items to help 'set up the nursery' before the baby's arrival or gifts to 'ease' the mother's early weeks like diaper service or to make her feel good, like nice creams/lotions and the like.

BUT (and again US-centric) it is the height of bad taste to throw oneself a shower of any kind, or for a shower to be thrown by any relative, especially a close one. An exception would be if perhaps a cousin was also the honoree's BFF. But normally, it is just not done.

Normally, the 'costs' are borne by the hostess if it's at someone's home. But it's also not unusual for the costs to be shared around if it's a group of friends organizing.

If I got an invite from someone throwing themselves a shower, especially with the expectation that I was going to kick in to help pay for it, I'd politely decline.

Very interesting, thanks for your US perspective on this! Every baby shower I've been to here has been held by families like their mother or aunty. Never by the mum to be themselves though!

So let me get this straight.

The Mum-to-be is throwing her own shower.

Everyone has to pay for their own food.

And they have to pay for hers as well?

That is next level CF.

I’d love to know how she worded to the invitation.

When I attend baby showers for close people I usually buy a token gift and buy a proper gift once the baby is born. For example - SIL I bought a born in 20** baby grow and mum to be mug.

Definitely not suitable to turn up with nothing. Do you have to go? You could always make an excuse, it's only a coffee in a coffee shop really- say you forgot you had a birthday party same day, but you will call in for a visit next week? If you decide to turn up empty handed, be aware they will probably go around the table opening gifts one at a time.. and you will be embarassed when they come to you!
As others have said, go to a supermarket or get online voucher. Even flowers is better than nothing.

I've never taken a gift to a baby shower. Would prefer to give when baby arrives and have made this clear. Never had any fall out from it.

Oddly enough never been to one or hen night, at nearly 60 it seems unlikely, never had hen do myself

Due to fifteen plus years trying. More losses than I care to think about tonight and two failed IVF, I do not worry about these things.

I somehow have two baby girls. I take or took a book, or some bits for mum to be.

Plenty time for gifts when baby safely here. I usually would do lip balm, hand cream and wee bits like that for hospital bag.