Child Neglect? Relative.

[CompressedNerve]

My sister have two children; 13 and 11. Both will turn a year older this year. Only a few years ago was I allowed to visit my sister home, when I did I could see why she didn’t ever invite us around. It was trashed; you couldn’t see the floor in the kids room or hers, kitchen was an absolute tip with bags of things on the counter tops. It looks chaotic. The dining room table where I presume the kids did their homework was pack to the rafters with rubbish. I spend days hauling out the trash and organising the entire home into a liveable condition.

My mum used to have them on weekdays a few times a week and each time she would check their lunch boxes and they would both be untouched. They pretty much hadn’t eaten since breakfast and picked at their dinners. We mentioned this to her and she defended their actions.

Fast forward a few years, my mother and I noticed my nephew had lost a considerable amount of weight, he has no muscle tone in his arms, it’s actually skin and bone. Dark circles around his eyes and he hasn’t grown; still wearing the coat I brought him 4 Christmases ago, in addition, he still wears the same size school uniform since he started in year 7 (currently year 8). He avoids meals and becomes upset when it’s time to eat. We mentioned this to her and she said he eats at home, hasn’t taken us seriously. Recently he told her he has an eating disorder and he needs help, she lied and said she made an appointment with the doctor and recently admitted this indeed didn’t happen. He only eats about 2-3 mouthfuls a days and a few sips of water. He’s been experiencing severe anxiety. He has a phobia of food; thinks he’s going to be poisoned / allergic. Growing up she’s told us all he has allergies to certain foods, he actually isn’t any. Her and the dad (before they separated) use to tell him when he starts big school he’s going to have to get a taxi because he might get kidnapped. On top
Of this, they haven’t ever had any friends around it’s always been them. He has been having panic attacks he now avoids car journeys, new experiences, doesn’t like the bus so walks to school every morning (not close by), he had a breakdown yesterday asking why his life has to be this way. He’s very unwell, you can see it. My sister smokes cannabis everyday, she works in a school for a few hours in the afternoon and then goes to her second job 5pm to 11pm, which means the kids are alone that entire time. She doesn’t cook so pops back on her lunch at 9pm to bring their chips. They never have fruits or vegetables. I’ve now become aware of this and have had to start spending time there until 11pm to make sure they’re looked after. My niece said she doesn’t like to be home alone with her brother as she doesn’t know how to help him as he becomes emotional at times and grabs his throat. I have a 5 month old baby so going around there and staying until 11pm
Is difficult and beginning to impact my sons routine.

Im sure I’ve missed a lot of stuff. What should I do?

Take them to A&E now, everything will follow from there. Seriously, just do it.

@HumptySumptious

This is one of the worst things I've read on here - please help them.

This. Your post is horrifying, please do something to help those poor children

Is there any way you could take them to live with you if it came to it? Last year I took on my baby niece after my sister basically walked away from her, and although it’s been tough at times I know she’s safe and there is support out there

I hope everything works out for you all

I

@SilverHairedCat I posted here for the traffic. I know it’s wrong. I’m there most days starting last week as prior to that she lied and said their father was taking care of them. Once I found out I’ve been around. I have a 5 month old baby who I’m exclusively bf so I’m up at night 3 hourly to feed him and throughout the day so it is very demanding on me to do this so if I didn’t care I wouldn’t bother as I’d just focus on my own family and ensuring I get rest. Aside from this I’m sure your response is written in good faith as you care about the welfare of the children so I appreciate it on that front.

I thank everyone for their supportive responses. I have gotten a lot of advice from this thread such as what to expect, things to mentioned to health care professionals. I’m the interim I’ve given my nephew the number for child line and informed them to call them if he’s feeling anxious. I’ve made a referral to CAMHs and SS.

Someone asked whether I could have them come to live with. The answer is yes and they also have a room at my mothers too which she is happy to have them. I wouldn’t be happy if they were to go into foster care. However, I’m confident SS would have no concerns regarding us.

I’m very angry my sister has been treating them kids this way. He’s also socially ostracised at school as he’s tiny, he’s around the height of an 10 year old child and he has no muscle tone at all. I can see his pelvic bones through his pyjamas. My niece when I spoke to her to get better perspective, said please don’t tell my mum as she will shout at me, I promised and I won’t as I don’t want to break her trust. However, I will mention to SS. I’m going to see whether CAHMs will happy to assess her too. Although there aren’t any obvious anxieties with her, I’m sure she could benefit from some intervention.

Op please Google how many dc died at the hands of their dps in the last year... Don't let your relatives be a statistic.. It is still abuse even though she isn't laying hands on them.. Yabu to let them go home.

This is so upsetting. Please do everything you can for these children.

My mum is going to take them. Instead of taking him to the hospital, I’m going to call 111 for advice and see what it is they can do.

You need to ring ss and nspcc. They need to be on every radar. Or dsis will talk her way out again.

Poor children, they really need to be examined by a doctor in hospital which is what 111 will say

Awful situation. Those poor children. Keep watching out for them OP, they need you.

Not 111. Take him to the hospital please.

Out of all the services out there that can help op, 111 is at the bottom of list. It’s a healthcare advice line run by people with limited knowledge who are unlikely to give you advice on a child you’re not the legal guardian of. You ultimately need to contact social services. You could also speak to the nspcc or the police who will also tell you to contact social services

So update, I called his school today and he’s already on their radar, the have reported him to social services. I provided more information to help with their enquiry. It’s very sad that others can see what is going on. Don’t get me wrong it’s a good thing but he must be able to see how people look at him which isn’t helpful for his self esteem. I’m very disheartened by this. Hopefully the school will be more involved from that perspective.

@CompressedNerve

So update, I called his school today and he’s already on their radar, the have reported him to social services. I provided more information to help with their enquiry. It’s very sad that others can see what is going on. Don’t get me wrong it’s a good thing but he must be able to see how people look at him which isn’t helpful for his self esteem. I’m very disheartened by this. Hopefully the school will be more involved from that perspective.

I hope this encourages you that you're definitely doing the right thing, if the school have already alerted SS too

Well done OP, these poor children need professional intervention.

I would still contact children's social services independently and raise your concerns. Your poor nephew sounds very unwell and needs to be seen by a child protection professional urgently imo. Two referrals from different sources will carry more weight. (Well, they would where I live, that may not be the same everywhere.)

I'm so glad you've stepped up to help them.

Thank God op. I’ve been half convinced you weren’t going to help them. The balls rolling now. Remember that ss are there to help and put support in place. Hopefully your sister will get her act together and help her children

I have reported to SS but also wanted to raise concerns with the school. In regard to the CAMH referral, I need parental consent. I asked for her permission this morning and she said not to do it as she will do it herself. We all know what that means. Well I was able to put things into perspective for the school. They mentioned he doesn’t eat lunch in the main hall and goes off by himself. This is very sad for me to hear. I care about my niece and nephew so I had to do something. Im going to get a room prepared for them in the event SS plan to remove them. I want there to be someplace for them to go. This massively will change my life in so many ways. It’s very anxiety provoking for me. Im also currently having level 3 vetting at work and this could impact the outcome. Without me passing. I could be redeployed. This isn’t any job, its my career I’ve studied 7 years for. So very very scary stuff all around.

I have not read the full thread but if I was you I would have taken this child to A&E or at least to his GP.

I appreciate it is hard for you to take that step but do you want to be complicit in ongoing emotional abuse and neglect?

I truly hope you have contacted SW as these children deserve much much more.

Your sister also needs help and you cannot keep carrying her in this way.

At the least could you take the children for a few days until SW carry out inquiries?

@CompressedNerve

Is it abnormal for the kids to be wearing the same coats 4-5 years later and it still fits exactly the same?

A coat bought for him when he was 8, still fits him at 13? Yes, that's not normal.

It sounds like the entire family needs a lot of support and intervention. Call social services asap.

She is a neglectful waster. Sorry, no excuse for this. Report her. Those children need be taken away from her. She is not fit or deserving of children.

Are they clean? What state are their teeth in? If she's neglecting their dental hygiene it might be painful for him to eat. With a child who has failed to grow for 4+ years and is that skeletal it sounds like he will have some serious Malnutrition and will need blood tests. Can you or your mum apply for an emergency care order so that you can start to get him some proper help including the CAMHS? If he will only eat chips, feed him chips. He just needs to be getting something.

Hey thanks for responses. I’ve been trying to help for a while and support them all. It’s beyond me now, I didn’t know the extent of the situation until a few days ago. I was treading carefully as there is a risk of him going nill by mouth. So I didn’t want that to happen. I think how I’ve gone about it, it should be less traumatic for both children.

No he has lovely healthy teeth. No concerns there that I am aware of. However, he is very clean. Both don’t look dirty or unkept, they always look neat so it goes to show you never know who is neglected and who isn’t.

This is a crisis situation. Phone emergency SW in your area. You have no way of knowing if the children are being poisoned, abused or neglected. It's not good enough by a long way. Be prepared to be very factual, make a list of what you have described here. She obviously needs help too but the children are in real danger.