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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you pay £50 to attend a baby shower next week

361 replies

Donewithit888 · 12/03/2022 09:11

£50 includes the baby shower room hire, present (collective) and transport costs to get there, as it's around an hour from mine.

OP posts:
wearingtheT · 12/03/2022 10:10

I know several people that have unfortunately had stillborn babies. I think they are grabby and tempting fate.

Floralnomad · 12/03/2022 10:11

No

TracyMosby · 12/03/2022 10:11

I think they are grabby and tempting fate
Hmm

Jvg33 · 12/03/2022 10:12

@Parfait

I would
I would too depending on who the mum to be was.
PurpleDaisies · 12/03/2022 10:12

@wearingtheT

I know several people that have unfortunately had stillborn babies. I think they are grabby and tempting fate.
Absolutely horrible comment. Having a stillborn baby is devastating and totally unrelated to having a baby shower. Biscuit
knittingaddict · 12/03/2022 10:12

My daughter had a baby shower for her first child. It was held in her home and we all contributed a plate of food and a good friend supplied the cake. Games were arranged which cost nothing. I'm not a fan of baby showers, but it was lovely and I think everyone had a good time and cost next to nothing for the guests. Baring in mind that baby showers involve presents I think it's a bit much for them to pay on top.

Cognoscenti · 12/03/2022 10:12

No, I wouldn't particularly want to go even if it was free.

ThanksItHasPockets · 12/03/2022 10:13

You chose the right place to come and get validation for being pissed off but to answer your question I would if I could afford it and if I liked the mother-to-be. I’m not fond of baby showers as a general concept and didn’t have one myself but I like my friends more than I dislike baby showers 🤷🏻‍♀️

BringMeTea · 12/03/2022 10:13

Um, no.

nearlyspringyay · 12/03/2022 10:13

Not. A. Chance.

FateHasRedesignedMost · 12/03/2022 10:13

I wouldn’t, sorry. I don’t like the concept of baby showers.

If you’re hosting you pay for guests, or your friend who is hosting pays?

Synchrony · 12/03/2022 10:13

I would if it was a very close friend, or a group of people I really wanted to spend time with.

Otherwise no, I'd just buy something for the baby after it was born.

SaggyBlinders · 12/03/2022 10:14

I organised my friends baby shower with a total budget of £50. Venue was my back garden, home made cake, tea and lemonade, some silly games. Guests were told they didn't need to bring anything or a gift, just themselves. Baby showers aren't really my thing, but my friend wanted one and it was a nice afternoon.

Asking guests to pay the costs of hosting a party is SO fucking cheeky!

WonderfulYou · 12/03/2022 10:14

NO!
I would be honest when responding too!

You do not pay for the venue and £25 is way too much to spend on a gift unless you’re family.

Rainbowqueeen · 12/03/2022 10:15

No. I’d feel a bit 🤔 about how this one was organised.

Hosts should host what they can afford. So in their own home with afternoon tea if that is what their budget stretches to.

Abs they should be respectful of guests by allowing guests to select their own gift based on their guests budget. I really enjoying choosing gifts for new babies and I’d hate to miss out on that just to hands over cash. I’d also feel I was invited to this shower simply for my cash and not for the pleasure of my company.

FridaynightCry · 12/03/2022 10:16

I thought hosts pay and not all the attendees?!

I had a baby shower, paid for the entire thing myself. Hired a room in a restaurant, only 1 game and it was all about food and catching up with family. I hate traditional showers. To be honest I just wanted a get together to see all my family and friends whilst I was moody and hormonal and really fucking pregnant lol, and I wanted to chill and eat my entire bodyweight in food.
I cant understand on what planet they think its ok to ask you to pay. Either they pay because they host or if mum to be wants it so bad, she can pay.

But paying to attend? Its like paying for a concert ticket to the worst most shittest pointless concert ever.

They can fuck off for planning something they couldn't afford!

billy1966 · 12/03/2022 10:17

@Gowithme

I'm not friends with the sort of grabby people who have baby showers thankfully, I wouldn't have dreamt of having one. I loathe all that sort of American nonsense.
Completely agree.

Tackyville.

I have NEVER attended or heard of a single baby shower.

I can't imagine anything more tedious.

EatSleepReplete · 12/03/2022 10:18

The people "hosting" it should be doing just that. It sounds like they've confused hosting with organising. If they can't afford the room hire, they shouldn't have hired a room. And gifts are usually a personal thing aren't they. It sounds like the mum & sister want all the control but none of the expenses of this party. I'd decline & give your friend a gift at another time TBH. Such a shame you're busy.

If it was tea/coffee & cake in their house or a local cafe, OTOH, that would be far nicer because it's less formal. Or going out for a meal together.

TarcasticSwat · 12/03/2022 10:19

@stevalnamechanger

*I don't think you get it .

People pay to HOST the shower for the mum - the friends pay for it all
*
Erm no the friends definitely don't! The host - whether that's the mum-to-be or her sister or whoever pays for the baby shower!

Baby showers are horrid at the best of times let alone if you had to pay to go to one.

Phormiumjester · 12/03/2022 10:19

@PurpleDaisies yes, I agree that was badly worded by pp.

But a lot of people do feel this way about babies still - not tempting fate. My grandmother was aghast at having a pram in the house. There's a lot of superstition around babies still. And baby showers make those people very uncomfortable.

reesewithoutaspoon · 12/03/2022 10:20

personally don't like the idea of baby showers, but then It was common when I was growing up that any baby items like prams, etc where not brought into the house until the baby safely arrived. It was considered 'tempting fate'

What I do dislike though is competitive celebrating. What starts off as a few friends a few sandwiches a nice get-together starts ballooning into hiring halls, professional venue dressers, and exorbitant guest lists in some sort of weird one-upmanship. It seems to happen with any event. School leavers discos used to be the school hall a DJ a buffet and your mates. Now they are paying hundreds for prom dresses, dinners at hotels, and hiring limos it's getting out of hand, and it's tough for people who don't have that kind of disposable income to keep up with it.

Riverlee · 12/03/2022 10:20

Shouldn’t have to pay for room hire.

£25 is much to much to ask for a gift.

Transport - cost me £20 to go to London recently stopped meet friends for lunch.

ilovebrie8 · 12/03/2022 10:20

I thought they were more of an American concept, never been to one and wouldn’t ! It’s all for show ...so no is the answer I wouldn’t spend £50 to attend that’s ludicrous ! Hmm

nukeitfromorbit · 12/03/2022 10:21

I wouldn't pay for the venue but present and travel costs are costs you have for any event you go to.

C8H10N4O2 · 12/03/2022 10:25

@ilovebrie8

I thought they were more of an American concept, never been to one and wouldn’t ! It’s all for show ...so no is the answer I wouldn’t spend £50 to attend that’s ludicrous ! Hmm
That was my understanding too. There were not a thing when my children were born in the 90s, people brought gifts for the new baby after it was born which I still find preferable.

I wouldn't expect anyone to pay to attend a party/event I was hosting other than their own travel costs.