to think DD's friend's mum should call me about sleepoever and not the other way around

[FredoWasWeakAndStupid]

Dd 13 has a new friend and has gone over there this afternoon. They made a vague plan for a sleepover earlier this week which even this afternoon wasn't certain. I haven't met the friend but they live in a village about 5 miles away with a large blended family. DD's had a very difficult few months, withdrawn from a lot of things, and initially I was pleased she had a new friend but tonight's plans are very fuzzy and I don't know the stepmum or dad at all. AIBU to think that the stepmum should be the one to call me and introduce herself given DD could be sleeping under her roof tonight.

@Moodycow78

Why on earth would you expect a call from a step parent and not the actual parent? No I wouldn't expect their stepmother to contact you.

If you'd read OP's posts, the birth mother is dead, so there isn't a lot of choice. As the organising party, I would expect the other girl's parent/step parent/guardian to get in touch to make sure everything is ok, but according to the majority of posters, that makes me a helicopter parent and not normal...

@CarlCarlson

The middle class bubbles some people on here live in is touching

It it middle class to think your 13 year old is able to make her own way to a friend’s after school without you dropping them off?

Or is it middle class to insist a face to face with all members of the friends’ household before a solo visit is allowed.

I’m as middle class as they come, and curious as to which behaviour you think I should exhibit.

@WindsweptNotInteresting

🙄 The choice would be to contact the child's father I'd have thought.

and I don't know the stepmum or dad at all

Yet you know mum is dead, dad is hands off and step mum handles the family life

Totally agree. I just don't get '13 year olds organise it themselves', not 'wanting to ask too many questions 'At this age they are very vulnerable. Find out where she is and who she is with for goodness sake!

I would find out for my children sleeping over elsewhere, and if they chose to go without that then that's an issue we're going to have to deal with.

However, if a 13 year old is invited to sleep at mine, and all I get is a phone number when I ask for a parent's details, I am not going to make contact unless there is actually an emergency exactly because I was a very vulnerable young teenager who sometimes slept over at friends' houses (and less safe places) because it felt safer than being with either of my parents. I'm also not going to ask questions because a child in that situation likely has every reason to lie to an adult they barely know. All I can do is keep them safe while they're under my roof, be there if they choose to bring up an issue to me, and if going home on their own, have my child check in on them later to see they got home safely and are okay. It's most likely not that sort of situation, but I'm not going to risk making that call to a parent I don't know for a teenager who could be vulnerable at home.

I mean firstly she's her stepmum so you don't know how involved she is. The father would be the contact in this case.