To not push my child in to sport

[Backtothefutureagain]

Ds is just about to turn 6
He goes to a swimming class once a week
We tried him with football when he was 4-5yo and he enjoyed it for a month or so as he was with his friends but suddenly he didn’t want to go any more and he is still adamant he doesn’t like football, no interest when it’s on tv or if dh says let’s go and play football etc
Ds has become really in to his gaming, wanting to play on the switch a lot (was Dh’s console) which we allow with time constraints
My dh is concerned hes going to be a “gamer” rather than out playing sports with his friends. He’s always trying to suggest different sports clubs to ds and feels like we’ve somehow failed him!! I keep trying to reiterate to dh that ds is only 5 and there’s plenty of time for him to find sports he enjoys but if he isn’t in to sport I’m not really that bothered. AIBU in my opinion?
We try to keep him otherwise active, go out to the park etc when we can and he’s forever running around.

With dyspraxia and ASD, team sports are not enjoyable to DS1. He does do swimming, martial arts, Scouts and junior parkruns (plus 5k in the summer). They cover all the benefits of traditional team sport and at 11, he's doing a lot more than most of his classmates now because he's not been driven heavily into one thing or faced a lot of competition.

DH and I are not "sporty" as in team sports. We are active though. I suspect DS's dyspraxia came via me. PE was torturous at school, but out of school I danced (badly ), but in adulthood that led to fitness classes, yoga, adult ballet, circuits, then running. DM hated swimming (too cold) and I failed to pick it up at school. I learned later in the teenage years motivated by the physical section of the DoE award... now I do open water swimming.

DS2, unlike the rest of us is motivated by team sports and plays with a football team. He also does the same range of activities as DS1.

Team sports aren't the be all and end all. Doing something is important and for younger children gaining a range of skills and experiences helps them to find interests that they can keep up and come back to through life.

I'd avoid gaming as long as you can, because by the time they're teenagers, it can make them pretty anti-social.
It's hard here in the UK though, because often the weather is so rubbish, you're looking for something to do inside.

Maybe some 'active' app's that encourage getting out and about like geocaching or Pokemon Go.

Sport isn't the be all and end all, but you can encourage rather than push.
Getting into good, active, healthy habits is easier to influence now.

Enjoy parkrun.

it will be good for you to push while hes young so he learns about exercise and also being part of group activities,

i dont agree with mindless computer games for children while they are young they need to know that exercise and team work are part of life,

so yes op to answer your question definatly push him into hobbies that are going to benefit his future lifestyle.

He’s 6! They barely understand team games at that age. Your DP should not force it, could put him off for life.

In the meantime get him into the habit of being active - swimming, biking, Cubs, baby climbing, walks, dance is good for little kids, yoga maybe. Activity and fresh air is important, team games aren’t - and he’ll either be into them or he won’t.

I haven't voted as it isn't a clear cut one way or the other thing

I don't think you need to be pushing him into a sport, but having outside interests and activities is useful for physical, mental and emotional development. And while I have a fairly casual attitude to the use of consoles compared to many people, I wouldn't want a 5 year old spending the bulk of their time gaming.

I agree with this ^
I think 5 is a bit young to be involved in too many clubs / activities and particularly team sports anyway, but I also think it is too young for gaming.
I had swimming as non-negotiable when mine were that age and then they started Beavers at 6. Scouts in general has been fantastic for all of them, and is active without necessarily having to be particularly sporty.

imo children should do one structured sport and one art activity per week.

Or, considering we're talking about a five year old here, perhaps he can just run around playing games with his friends in the playground and get his crayons or play-doh out when he feels like it?

I personally don't think a six-year-old needs to do an organised sport or physical activity. Important for him to be active, of course, but he can be active by riding a bike, climbing a tree, building a camp in the garden, throwing a ball against a wall, dancing around his bedroom to his favourite music or any number of other things, in addition to his swimming lessons. And I'm pretty sure he'll be learning things like teamwork and structure from his PE sessions at school.

Like others have said, if you think he isn't getting enough variety from school and his normal play, then how about something like Beavers or Cubs or whatever? Then he'd do a mix of activities, learn teamwork and other skills, and have the chance to try out different things. But he'd probably also get to do some badges that play to his existing strengths and interests too, so it's a good mix.

I didn't like organised sports when I was a kid at all, but I was more than happy to play really active, physical games at Brownies!

l loved all sports when l was younger and still very active now, but my youngest son was never that keen, he would come out for a walk and liked cycling but not interested in anything else. Now he is 16 he runs, cycles and lifts weights so not being sporty doesn' t necessarily mean they end up a couch potatoe.

your husband is right. A 5 year old shouldn’t be on the road to becoming a gamer. YABU

I think pushing children into a hobby or interest rarely works (and only does when the parents happen to pick something their child would have been drawn to anyway, but just need a bit of help initially to get into the habit of going or doing it). I do think it is our job to expose our children to as many different opportunities as we can afford (with money or time). If he doesn't like football, maybe take him to a drama class or buy him a harmonica or take him bird spotting or fishing or do some junk modelling or baking. There is nothing intrinsically better about being sporty and having other interests, so long as you get enough physical activity for your body to be in its best condition. Maybe you could encourage him to do some of the more active games on switch? There is a dance one I think. Of course taking screen breaks is really important. During the lockdowns one of my DC became screen obsessed but actually that resolved through peer influence at school and she is really into sports now. At 5y it's very soon to right Him off! Expose him to as many opportunities as you can, sign him up for everything on offer until he finds something that gels.
What about martial arts? My (now football obsessed) kids at that age wanted to be ninjas far more than they wanted to be footballers. Interests change and grow. But if you give into too much Screen time they may never get the opportunity to discover the other possibilities out there.

Sounds similar to my son, who is now hugely into karate aged 7 but doesn't like any other sport. It's fine, not everyone is sporty, but we do need to be active as you say.

One of the best gifts we can give our children is the gift of boredom. That is where their creative mind comes alive. If they never have unstructured time, if they are always being stimulated mentally, they do not learn the internal processes to entertain themselves. These are the building blocks of creativity, entrepreneurial thinking, idea creation, scientific innovation, problem solving, etc. Time unscheduled is not time off from their work, because their work is play actually play time is their most important time in. It is how they process what they learned in their clubs and conversations and class rooms. When we constantly fill that time we are not giving them the gift of constant stimulation, we are taking away from them the gift to be bored

I don’t see why it has to be gaming or sports, there are many other options.

DS hates sports and I won’t push him but neither would I be happy for him to be gaming so young. Things he and his friends do for extra curriculars include:
Drama groups
Art groups
Chess club
Music lessons
Etc

I'm with your DH. Exercise is important. It doesn't have to be a sport (eg dance or an exercise class) or even an organised activity, it could be walking, swimming and cycle rides with you, however, when your DS gets older and doesn't want to do family activities but is too young for the gym, it helps if they already have a regular hobby they enjoy that involves exercise. In some ways, the less sporty the child, the more important it is. If they hate the common sports played at school (and all the competitiveness that goes along with it), the earlier they find a form of exercise they enjoy, the better.

I’m a distinctly indoor reading a book or doing a craft project kind of person, I also love games.

I think kids need to have a regular physical activity, but it doesn’t need to be sport in the traditional sense. Some kids are more suited to individual pursuits like rock climbing, yoga, or archery. He might also prefer something like dance or gymnastics. These are just as legitimate ways to keep the body active. Competitive sports, especially competitive team sports, aren’t a necessity. It’s about finding something he enjoys that gets his body moving.

As long as he is actively doing something for an hour a day doesnt matter if its sports. Sometimes it's just finding stuff they like. My boys have done as afterschool activities beavers, gymnastics, hockey, bmx, rugby, basketball etc

I think the sport and the gaming are separate issues. As long as he's active, he doesn't need to be pushed into a sport. There are also lots of other hobbies which are neither sport nor gaming.

5 is too young to be doing much gaming at all imo. It's highly addictive, and can mould young brains. The easy excitement and endorphin rushes that games provide can easily make other activities seem less appealing. The game designers deliberately design them that way - and not just the Call of Duty type games, but all games.

In some ways, the less sporty the child, the more important it is.

I really agree with this. A sporty child can slot in easily at any age. An unsporty child really benefits from finding an activity they like and building up.

Not every child likes group sports. But that doesn't mean they can't be active.

My eldest DS is very solitary and enjoys swimming every week, riding his bike whenever he's out and does rock climbing lessons.

Eugh…

I hate this assumption that everyone should ‘do sport’ as a child.

The enforced nature of it all put me off till adulthood when I realised that you don’t actually have to compete with anyone, even yourself in order to be active. This notion that team sports and competition are good for you, only benefits some people and shows no appreciation for the fact that everyone is different. Similarly ‘you must do something creative’. What’s wrong with just playing? Go out on your bike, build a den, jump on a trampoline, make a cake, read a book, build something on minecraft, dance in the kitchen.

Give kids the chance to be who they want rather than put them in a box for organised ‘fun’

@ineedsun

Eugh…

I hate this assumption that everyone should ‘do sport’ as a child.

The enforced nature of it all put me off till adulthood when I realised that you don’t actually have to compete with anyone, even yourself in order to be active. This notion that team sports and competition are good for you, only benefits some people and shows no appreciation for the fact that everyone is different. Similarly ‘you must do something creative’. What’s wrong with just playing? Go out on your bike, build a den, jump on a trampoline, make a cake, read a book, build something on minecraft, dance in the kitchen.

Give kids the chance to be who they want rather than put them in a box for organised ‘fun’

Nobody says it has to be a team sport or even competing. I actually think what offered in school and in after school activities is far too much traditional sport which very often is a team sport. It's a lot more difficult to find affordable sports which are different.

DD hates team sports, can't throw a ball but loves dance, horse riding and did gymnastics and swimming.

It's important to be active, it doesn't matter how. With PE in school seen as not very important and if at all being the team sports, lots of children are put off being active as a teen. If they do something they like earlier, they are often on track to stay active even if they stop or swap activities. There was recently an article that councils sell off adventure playgrounds now. Where do children go and play if there is nothing for them? Too many playgrounds are just for really young ones. If you have a tiny garden or live in a flat you don't have space for a trampoline or climbing frame.

DD is now 14 and PE is just every second week in secondary. Hardly enough to be active. I am glad that she found activities she likes early on as getting a teen to try something new is a nightmare.

Being active doesn't mean you can't slump and watch TV, play games, read a book or just hang out with friends.

@AuntFlorence

One of the best gifts we can give our children is the gift of boredom. That is where their creative mind comes alive. If they never have unstructured time, if they are always being stimulated mentally, they do not learn the internal processes to entertain themselves. These are the building blocks of creativity, entrepreneurial thinking, idea creation, scientific innovation, problem solving, etc. Time unscheduled is not time off from their work, because their work is play actually play time is their most important time in. It is how they process what they learned in their clubs and conversations and class rooms. When we constantly fill that time we are not giving them the gift of constant stimulation, we are taking away from them the gift to be bored

This is beautifully put and I agree with you 100%. I dont know if maybe my op reads the wrong way or people are jumping to conclusions. I’m not saying my son sits on the sofa playing on the switch all day and therefore doesn’t do anything else and has no interest in sports because of this. It’s just the one thing he really shows interest for (really in to Mario in everything now - Mario lego, Mario stationary etc etc). My husband has taken this as a sign he’s going to be a gamer with no other interests and no interest in leaving the house of course these are stereotypes. We 100% encourage creativity and time outside playing its just the nagging from my husband to “get him in to x y and z” that irks me a bit

There is a separate issue about providing social activities for kids. It is important to recognize that if your child isn’t naturally sporty, the odds of building great friendships with the kids at those activities are low. The places where my child has made her best friends have been activities she was excited to attend. Those are the activities that will attract kids who have things in common with your child. They will get one another’s jokes and have a million things to talk about.

@reluctantbrit
That’s great for your daughter and I totally agree with you about playgrounds for older kids.

What I hate is this notion that kids have to do something organised for their active time to be of value and the fact that quieter kids who are into reading, engineering, computers, film, cooking, comic books etc are viewed as somehow less developed than kids who are in a football team or go swimming. It’s really demeaning.

Of course it’s good to be active, everyone knows that but the way sport and competition is shoved down kids throats is awful (and in my case turned me right off any activity till I was in my twenties or thirties).