To not push my child in to sport

[Backtothefutureagain]

Ds is just about to turn 6
He goes to a swimming class once a week
We tried him with football when he was 4-5yo and he enjoyed it for a month or so as he was with his friends but suddenly he didn’t want to go any more and he is still adamant he doesn’t like football, no interest when it’s on tv or if dh says let’s go and play football etc
Ds has become really in to his gaming, wanting to play on the switch a lot (was Dh’s console) which we allow with time constraints
My dh is concerned hes going to be a “gamer” rather than out playing sports with his friends. He’s always trying to suggest different sports clubs to ds and feels like we’ve somehow failed him!! I keep trying to reiterate to dh that ds is only 5 and there’s plenty of time for him to find sports he enjoys but if he isn’t in to sport I’m not really that bothered. AIBU in my opinion?
We try to keep him otherwise active, go out to the park etc when we can and he’s forever running around.

Thanks for your replies

Just want to be clear - 6yo is not playing call of duty he’s playing mario and like I said, with time constraints.

I’m also not saying I’m giving up on him playing sports so he can sit at home and play on a games console. It’s more that I’m happy with his level of activity at the moment but that dh feels he should be playing a sport

I'm sure a lot of six year olds would be into gaming if they were given free rein.

I think almost 6 is too young to only be gaming. And that your DH has a point.

Yeah I’m probably not going to get mother of the year award then I guess

It doesnt have to be sport. Neither of mine are sporty. DD has always done a whole load (probably too many) extra curricular stuff but never sport. She does music and dance now (13) Stagecoach and Guides.

DS hates football - loves Stagecoach, playing the piano and history. And does cubs.

Find a compromise in an activity that he loves but doesnt have to be a sport

My dh is concerned hes going to be a “gamer” rather than out playing sports with his friends. He’s always trying to suggest different sports clubs to ds and feels like we’ve somehow failed him!! I keep trying to reiterate to dh that ds is only 5 and there’s plenty of time for him to find sports he enjoys but if he isn’t in to sport I’m not really that bothered. AIBU in my opinion?

Your DH needs to come to terms with the fact that his son just might not be sporty. Plenty of kids aren't. Plenty of adults aren't. It's fine. If he ends up more into computers than football, what's wrong with that?

And trying to force a kid into sport when they don't like it is just going to build negative associations with it. Exercise is beneficial of course, but the end goal should be that it's something he wants to do of his own accord - which might not be until he's an adult. Again, this is fine.

I was a tremendously unsporty kid who mostly just wanted to sit and read in peace. Have unexpectedly become a fairly sporty adult but it's no thanks to school/parents constantly trying to force me to be active as a kid, which I deeply resented.

My DD struggled initially with sports at that age.

Not keen on netball, we tried trampolining, swimming, karate etc. Wouldn't even ride a bike. I was not bothered as I am not remotely sporty. But aged 7 she tried horse riding - now obsessed and rides most days of the week - sometimes they need to find their sport.

I can see now what sport brings to DD's life and what she would have missed out on without it.

I disagree with they need to find their sport - because that is limiting to just sport.

They need to find a passion - that can be within Sports or the Arts.

Gaming isnt it though.

Your DH needs to realise that it possibly isnt football (though at 5 it is hard to tell they can become keen later) and not necessarily sport.

DH is incredibly sporty. As I said DD loves to dance (which I think it kind of a sport)

DS is a musical theatre history buff who can recount all 46 Presidents of the United States but 2 footballers

At the age of 5 my DD had her career mapped out as an Olympian in a certain sport (her dream not ours) she stayed dedicated to that sport until 12-13 then it all changed through no fault of her own (injuries etc) and now she is doing something amazing that she was truly born to do and will shine in front of the world at that she would have thought you were crazy if you suggested just a few years before. We have no idea who or what they are going to love at 5 so it's not worth worrying about. He will find his way and parents just have to live them and let them be

He does do a sport. Swimming is a sport. You generally don't have 5 year old competing in any sport anyway. Maybe the swimming will lead to being part of a swimming team and the competitive side of it. Maybe he just isn't sporty and isn't that interested. You can't force an interest so your husband needs to stop pushing it.

Don't see the problem with gaming. As you said, it's with time constraints. You could always get him coding games too, see if he likes those then he is learning too.

My sons hated football club, I sent them both to one after school and they both asked me not to send them again so I don’t

Without knowing what the time constraints are it's hard to say if it's too much - mine only got to see the console at weekends when they were little. They took it in turns, one watching, one playing. And a "nice" game is just as addictive as call of duty.
But competitive sports like football aren't for everyone. I'd be keen to find something he enjoys, for the getting out and socialising as much as anything. Beavers, gymnastics, dance, singing, taekwondo, skating, there's a lot of stuff out there.

Out of my 4dc, three of them have always loved sports and were keen to try different sports until they found their passion. One dc is now a semi professional rugby player, 1 dc is a black belt kickboxer, 1 dc is into weightlifting. Then I have 1 dc who has zero interest in any sports, loves gaming. I've encouraged him to learning coding, and got him interested in building remote control vehicles. I keep trying to find ways to take his interest in gaming and use it as a tool to learn new skills.

Agree that five is too young for gaming.

@grey12

You have either a team sport (the usual suspects) or a more individual sport like martial arts, dance, fencing,......

Sports are good. "Gamer" is not a sport 🤷🏻‍♀️ nothing wrong with it but you can't compare apples with hammers!

Have you heard of esports?

The advantage of keeping on encouraging him to try different sports and activities is that they will help him physically for years - I see kids who weren't encouraged/facilitated when little and they have very, very little core strength or awareness of their bodies/posture. This then makes any physical activity beyond day to day things difficult and uncomfortable, which means they're less likely to enjoy it/do it, which then increases their risk of injury, etc, etc...

It's not right seeing 11 year olds slouched, heads forward, lower back arched and legs unable to hold them up properly to the extent that they are practically walking on the inside of their ankles and sitting on a school chair causes them pain. But there are so many like that. And then they panic if they get a little bit out of breath and hyperventiliate because they've come to believe that feeling your heart beating means they're about to die.

At five, he's young enough that consistent encouragement to keep trying things that challenge him physically aren't going to be as difficult as they would be at ten or thirteen. Or forty.

And apart from being out in fresh air, communicating and working as a team, perhaps winning, etc, there are other advantages - he learns that consistently working even when something is challenging/slightly uncomfortable does have rewards. In the case of sports/exercise, he gets fitter/stronger/flexible/more able. That endorphin rush - the bit that makes you feel relaxed and happy after a good session/game/whatever - is a reward. Sleeping well is a reward. Having two hours in which you do not need to think about anything else, just focus on what is important right now is a reward. Having the strength to run faster, climb trees better, stand up longer, carry a schoolbag, stay on a bike on more uneven ground, dive into the pool without a sharp stinging slap as your skin hits the water, do your laces up or be able to get your coat on without help because your joints/muscles are more flexible - all rewards.

It may be that it takes a while for him to find something he really enjoys, but even the act of trying different things is good. Maybe he'd enjoy martial arts, maybe dance, maybe something else as he gets older - but keeping on trying so that he potentially finds something that is right for him is a good thing.

The dead hand of football - the only possible sport for a boy. I agree with the PPs who say that there a re lots of other sports out there from martial arts to athletics that he could try instead. How about Junior Parkrun? It is very friendly, he'll have lots of older boys there to look up to and he can watch his progress week by week with his chip times. Its free and an activity you could do together or he could do with his dad.

DH was desperate for DS to be into football like him but he just wasn’t. We tried a few sports with him but nothing grabbed him until swimming in Y6 and then Basketball in Y7. Unfortunately after swimming was cancelled for so long due to Covid we couldn’t get him back into it but he still loves Basketball and plays in the school team and a local one. He also uses our home gym with DH and we all play table tennis and Badminton together
So it’s not fair to write your son off as un sporty or try and force him into a sport he doesn’t like just because DH does. It’s just not for everyone and your DS is so young, he has yet to find a sport he really likes

5 is too young for gaming, so YABU to allow that.
But YANBU in that he has plenty of time to try different sports to see what he likes. Cut the gaming our and he might like other things more

@Backtothefutureagain

Yeah I’m probably not going to get mother of the year award then I guess

😄 I think at this age we let DD play a few games. She's 15 now and seems ok. Being active is enough at this age. As long as he's a healthy weight and gets exercise daily you're good. Elite sports might need commitment from a young age and football can be horribly competitive. Personally I'm not convinced getting into football is all that great for a lot of boys. There's tons of other sports and hobbies out there. My DD wasn't sporty but has always been active and has finally in her teens, found something she loves doing.

Try him again in 6 months with a new thing. 6 months is a long time in a child's life. But as long as he is getting plenty exercise nothing to worry about really

@gannett

My dh is concerned hes going to be a “gamer” rather than out playing sports with his friends. He’s always trying to suggest different sports clubs to ds and feels like we’ve somehow failed him!! I keep trying to reiterate to dh that ds is only 5 and there’s plenty of time for him to find sports he enjoys but if he isn’t in to sport I’m not really that bothered. AIBU in my opinion?

Your DH needs to come to terms with the fact that his son just might not be sporty. Plenty of kids aren't. Plenty of adults aren't. It's fine. If he ends up more into computers than football, what's wrong with that?

And trying to force a kid into sport when they don't like it is just going to build negative associations with it. Exercise is beneficial of course, but the end goal should be that it's something he wants to do of his own accord - which might not be until he's an adult. Again, this is fine.

I was a tremendously unsporty kid who mostly just wanted to sit and read in peace. Have unexpectedly become a fairly sporty adult but it's no thanks to school/parents constantly trying to force me to be active as a kid, which I deeply resented.

Yes, I found myself wondering whether this man would be quite so insistent on his son being ‘out playing sports with his friends’ if his son were a daughter. I loathe all sports, individual, team, whatever — playing or watching. I walk and cycle everywhere, and I’m fit and active. Sports shouldn’t be a ‘should’.

The swimming is important - he doesn't need to be competition standard, but swimming is a life skill and every child should be able to swim confidently, as you never know when he may end up in water unexpectedly.
Get rid of the screens - no good for him at all.

Your 5 year old DS has 'really become into his gaming', not surprised gaming is highly addictive. IMO he's starting young.

You say that you 'time limit', how much time is he spending on gaming? everyday? every other day?

Personally, my DC did sport from a young age and we tried everything until they found something like liked apart from swimming which we view as a life skill so they did that until they were very able swimmers. I just think you need to be careful about giving in too quickly to him, it takes time for a child to get into a sport and there are so many advantages.

Yanbu in that it’s totally your choice how you raise your child. But I also agree with your DH. Personally I do encourage my kids to have hobbies outside school as I feel it’s good for their well-being. I also have a ‘gamer’ kid and I feel it’s even more important to get him out of the house and off his consoles because he easily becomes obsessed with them. It doesn’t have to be sport though. There’s beavers and scouts, arts clubs, dance, musical instruments, coding clubs (these go down well with my gamer kid!), drama clubs. The danger with the gaming thing is that he’s turning down other things he may enjoy and benefit from so that he can game more. My son asked to stop one of his activities recently and I told him there would be no gaming that evening if he stopped his activity. Otherwise he’d happily do only gaming and his social development and well-being would suffer. He definitely gets enough gaming hours in as is!