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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not push my child in to sport

111 replies

Backtothefutureagain · 11/03/2022 09:55

Ds is just about to turn 6
He goes to a swimming class once a week
We tried him with football when he was 4-5yo and he enjoyed it for a month or so as he was with his friends but suddenly he didn’t want to go any more and he is still adamant he doesn’t like football, no interest when it’s on tv or if dh says let’s go and play football etc
Ds has become really in to his gaming, wanting to play on the switch a lot (was Dh’s console) which we allow with time constraints
My dh is concerned hes going to be a “gamer” rather than out playing sports with his friends. He’s always trying to suggest different sports clubs to ds and feels like we’ve somehow failed him!! I keep trying to reiterate to dh that ds is only 5 and there’s plenty of time for him to find sports he enjoys but if he isn’t in to sport I’m not really that bothered. AIBU in my opinion?
We try to keep him otherwise active, go out to the park etc when we can and he’s forever running around.

OP posts:
GlitteryGreen · 11/03/2022 12:08

I think it's right not to force it but equally I'd say it's good to encourage him from time-to-time as as you grow older sport and activity becomes less and less comfortable if you're not used to it/conscious of yourself.

SockFluffInTheBath · 11/03/2022 12:08

My DS loved swimming and was really good at it. He always hated football and rugby. Follow his lead, why should he be miserable every Saturday morning just because someone somewhere thinks he should be playing football/other team sport? Maybe take him swimming an extra time each week if that’s what he enjoys.

PourSomeLove · 11/03/2022 12:12

My son went to football at that age. He was never that bothered with it but enjoyed seeing his friends there. He always preferred gaming though. We didn’t push anything and he gave up football at about 10 along with Beavers and swimming. He got really into PC gaming from 11 and is still a big gamer at 18. He’s made lots of online friends from it and has met some in real life. He’s not into sports but he does run regularly and does weights so he’s fit and healthy. Out daughter has never been into sports apart from swimming but gave that up at 10. She likes gaming too but has other interests like art.
Their dad loves football and will watch literally any sport. I’m sure he’d have loved the kids to be interested but would never have pushed them into it. It’s not important as long as they’re active.

SartresSoul · 11/03/2022 12:13

It’s important to be active but you can do this without being involved in specific sports. He already does swimming which is great, maybe try park run at the weekend?

My eldest isn’t sporty at all, he’s always hated sports. He loves swimming so does that every week and we go running together too so he keeps active. He’s top set for everything except PE, he just doesn’t like sports. He is a gamer but it doesn’t affect him academically or anything, he knows school work comes first and as I say he’s top set for everything.

CaptainThe95thRifles · 11/03/2022 12:13

I would never push a child into football, or any other specific sport - but I would encourage them to try out new sports and activities and trying to find new skills and experiences that they might love. There are so many sports out there - using the term loosely to cover non-competitive activities that build strength / fitness / skills - it's hard to imagine a child that wouldn't be interested in one of them. There's a lot to be learned from sports as well as the physical benefits, and you'd likely be setting him up for a more active future too.

reluctantbrit · 11/03/2022 12:16

I think there is far too much pressure on boys to enjoy football in this country, there are tons of other sports out there.

I think a child should do some activity which keeps them active. That can be sport or a group like Beavers. DD helps with a Beaver colony and she feels exhausted keeping up with them for one hour.

He may not be a person who likes team sport. You could look at gymnastics, judo/karate, park run, dance. DD's dance school has boys-only classes for modern or jazz plus there are lots in Musical theatre classes. Some also do classical ballet.

AlexaShutUp · 11/03/2022 12:19

Sorry, but I think yabu. As a very unsporty person myself, I wish I had been encouraged as a child to find some sort of physical activity that I loved. DD wasn't interested in any traditional sports but she does have a very active hobby that ensures she gets lots of exercise.

There is no inherent virtue in being sporty for the sake of it, but there are tremendous health benefits from learning to love physical activity of some sort. I'm with your dh, keep giving your ds opportunities to find something that he enjoys.

Sally872 · 11/03/2022 12:19

I would be bothered about a sport but I would want him to have some sort of hobby to make friends outside of school and socialise. Could be beavers, drama, karate etc.

I think it is about making friends rather than keeping fit if you are doing that in other ways.

Gaming is fine when older but if that is his only thing getting him off the console and socialising face to face may be more difficult.

AlexaShutUp · 11/03/2022 12:21

I would add, it isn't just about physical health benefits. Exercise has a huge impact on mental health. I wish I had understood this when I was younger.

Thisismynamenow · 11/03/2022 12:27

As a child my parents forced us to learn how to swim (life saving skill) and heavily encouraged us to partake in a martial arts (learn to defend ourselves).
They never forced us into other sports, and i eventually got into netball at around 7/8 then got really into martial arts at 9. my brother went into football at around 8/9 too.
At 5 we were soley focused on toys (computers weren't really a big thing until we were about 10 maybe).

Maybe just try lots of different sports with him to see if he likes any? If not its not the end of the world so long as he exercises in some way.

Saracen · 11/03/2022 12:29

You say he runs around with friends at the park. That is really good exercise, easy to facilitate, more natural socially than sport, and allows for creative play. Keep going with that.

I think our society is a bit too consumed with competitive sport. Not everyone enjoys it. If I were you, I'd keep offering your son a range of experiences to see if there's anything he loves, but not specifically sport.

GlitteryGreen · 11/03/2022 12:37

@AlexaShutUp

Sorry, but I think yabu. As a very unsporty person myself, I wish I had been encouraged as a child to find some sort of physical activity that I loved. DD wasn't interested in any traditional sports but she does have a very active hobby that ensures she gets lots of exercise.

There is no inherent virtue in being sporty for the sake of it, but there are tremendous health benefits from learning to love physical activity of some sort. I'm with your dh, keep giving your ds opportunities to find something that he enjoys.

I agree with this completely.

I did lots of music lessons etc but was never encouraged into sport (outside of swimming lessons and school netball) as I just didn't have a natural interest. But I really wish I had been as it's the easiest way to keep fit in an enjoyable way, and I was a chubby child, so when I got to 10ish it was like the window to start sport had been missed as I just didn't feel comfortable joining in with all the slimmer and more capable children. Team sport was just alien to me after I started secondary school, and I didn't even join any at university as I was conscious. I will definitely be encouraging my child to find a sport they enjoy, even if they have to try a load to find one.

Also sport gives access to another group of friends, which is such a good thing.

Bromse · 11/03/2022 12:47

The op hasn't indicated that her child does no exercise, even though he would often prefer to be online. He swims, runs around and plays with friends. There are many ways of having exercise.

godmum56 · 11/03/2022 12:52

YANBU definitely. All my life I have been an active person and still am....dog walking, gardening DIY and so on. The only sport I have ever enjoyed is archery. He will be in teams to do other things and can learn social skills in other ways....I think people take to team sports because they are team players and not the other way around. I think pushing kids into ANYTHING just wastes time, energy, potentially money and everybody's patience and emotional currency. From what you say he gets exercise and fresh air....I'd be exploring your DH's reasons for his concerns...I'd put money on it at least having something to do with his self image!

GlitteryGreen · 11/03/2022 12:52

@Bromse Totally agree and not at all saying OP's son does nothing but sit around, but just that without sport/conscious effort, those opportunities do tend to evaporate as you grow older though.

Eg in 5 or so years, he won't really be running around or playing (actively) as much, by himself or with friends. So it's good to have a sport to fall back on if you can find one you like as it keeps you active without being a chore.

Original poster
Backtothefutureagain · 11/03/2022 12:54

Thank you for those suggesting junior park run, it’s something we can do together so we are going to do it this weekendGrin

OP posts:
Original poster
Backtothefutureagain · 11/03/2022 12:55

@Saracen

You say he runs around with friends at the park. That is really good exercise, easy to facilitate, more natural socially than sport, and allows for creative play. Keep going with that.

I think our society is a bit too consumed with competitive sport. Not everyone enjoys it. If I were you, I'd keep offering your son a range of experiences to see if there's anything he loves, but not specifically sport.

Thank you this was basically my point of viewSmile
OP posts:
babyjellyfish · 11/03/2022 12:59

Neither of you is being unreasonable.

I completely agree with your husband that it is a good idea for your child to have a hobby he enjoys which involves moving his body and interacting with other kids and not looking at a screen, and it is worth taking the time to find one that is right for him. It absolutely doesn't have to be a sport though. What about music or drama?

The only sporting activity I would make my child do until they were at least competent is swimming, so they are at less risk of drowning on holiday, and you're already doing that.

alfagirl73 · 11/03/2022 13:20

I don't think kids should be forced into a sport they don't like, but I also think a lot of kids/people are written off as "not sporty" based on their experience of just a few sports. Most of my life I've considered myself "not sporty" - but the sports on offer, say, when I was at school, were extremely limited and just not my thing (plus sport at school was a horrendous experience generally).

I'm now getting really into fitness etc... and have discovered areas of sport that I love but that never occurred to me to try before. Not all kids will be into football or more "mainstream" sports - but may discover that they have a real talent/love for a different sport/event/activity - there is so much out there.

saoirse31 · 11/03/2022 13:31

I'd definitely try and get him into team sport. 6 year old is v young to be deciding it's nothing but gaming tbh.

Gonnagetgoing · 11/03/2022 13:34

I personally don't think there's that much wrong with him not being into sport and you shouldn't force him. Gaming is his thing and unless a sport comes up that he's really interested in I wouldn't bother pressuring him into anything.

When I was younger I joined a gymnastics club but had a slight eye issue and they wanted us to be professional gymnasts so I left. Similar with swimming and a swimming club but we were taken regularly as kids by DPs anyway. I also did horse-riding from 9 but stopped when I was 11 as I found better things to do. Did ice-skating but not as a sport more social. Played tennis in park but again social. I can ride a bike and did a lot of that and playing out when younger.

It depends if you want it to be enjoyment or on the level of more competitive etc.

I know someone who regularly played football, basketball as a child/teenager, years later, does nothing. I also know 3 sisters who did running/hurdling etc at a local athletics club as children/teens - years later nothing.

Gonnagetgoing · 11/03/2022 13:37

@alfagirl73

I don't think kids should be forced into a sport they don't like, but I also think a lot of kids/people are written off as "not sporty" based on their experience of just a few sports. Most of my life I've considered myself "not sporty" - but the sports on offer, say, when I was at school, were extremely limited and just not my thing (plus sport at school was a horrendous experience generally).

I'm now getting really into fitness etc... and have discovered areas of sport that I love but that never occurred to me to try before. Not all kids will be into football or more "mainstream" sports - but may discover that they have a real talent/love for a different sport/event/activity - there is so much out there.

@alfagirl73 - you're similar to me - sports at my school was very limited too! One sport I did like, volleyball, we only tried for a short time then stopped!

I'm similar to you, got much more into fitness and sports that I like that weren't like the traditional ones - I hated hockey and netball!

It'd be great if yoga and other traditional classes, like self defence, aerobics etc was factored into school sports, maybe it is now!

balalake · 11/03/2022 13:39

Good luck OP with junior park run. Hope the first of many.

Mischance · 11/03/2022 13:40

Putting pressure on children to take part in sport is counter-productive. It just puts them off.

If you want him to get exercise take him for walks, bike rides, keep up with the swimming and get a trampoline. Climbing wall near you?

Some children/people are not remotely interested in sport and that is just fine. He will get plenty at school especially when he gets to secondary.

I do not think it is either gaming or sport - there are lots of other choices.

Dads often want to get their boys interested in their sports - but there really is no reason why the children should share their interest.

bellamountain · 11/03/2022 13:44

Your DS sounds very normal, I think most kids will become gamers given the chance. 5 is also very young, we tried my 5 year old at football and after a couple of months he wanted to stop, which he did. Now he's nearly 7 he's starting to show an interest again. Are there any tennis clubs near you? They are usually good fun with all sorts of games involved and less competitive at a young age?