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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think husband should go on Sunday instead?

77 replies

feweekstogo · 11/03/2022 08:45

OH has to travel down to London to collect some things for work, he's able to collect from
Tomorrow he could just go on his own on Sunday when tickets are at the cheapest and come straight back.

However his friend is working all weekend so OH has told him that they will go on Monday instead when his mate is off work so they can "make a day off it"

Im 37 weeks pregnant and have SPD so OH has been around to help me with majority of the school runs to be honest so I am dreading this on my own. I also have a midwife appointment at 12 and have to picked DD up from nursery at 11:45 so I have 15 minutes to get there and we are not supposed to bring kids to antenatal appointments.

AIBU to expect him to go on Sunday? And not on a Monday when I need his help the most.

I can appreciate he probably wants to have a bit of fun but it's putting me in a rubbish situation.

OP posts:

WouldBeGood · 11/03/2022 08:48

@feweekstogo I sympathise with how you feel, but I think YABU. It’s only for a day, a normal work day. I’m sure the midwife will understand, or rearrange your appointment.

Citabell · 11/03/2022 08:50

If he had to go on Monday as work dictated it would you still be annoyed, or is it because he's tying it up with something enjoyable?

girlmom21 · 11/03/2022 08:52

Surely it's easier for you to have to do a pick up and appointment alone than childcare for the full day?

SamphiretheStickerist · 11/03/2022 08:52

Sounds more like he could have been available on Monday and has chosen not to be!

WabbitsAndWeasels · 11/03/2022 08:55

For the sake of one trip I'd do my best to make it work. Is it possible DD could spend longer in nursery on Monday? Is there someone else (grandparent, friend?) Who could take her for an hour after nursery? Even if he went on Sunday you'd still have most of the day (depending on how long the journey is) alone with DD, the only added thing on monday is nursery and appointment.

Somanysocks · 11/03/2022 08:57

He's a man so what he wants is more important, obviously.

luxxlisbon · 11/03/2022 09:00

He won’t be there one of the days anyway so I think you are being a bit unreasonable. At least on Monday your daughter is at nursery for a few hours, on Sunday you would have to entertain her alone the whole day.
It seems like you are a bit annoyed that he is trying to make some fun out of it but really it doesn’t give you more work because he is going the day his friend can join him.
Wouldn’t be usually be at work on Monday anyway? Not sure how much he could really help you.

Faevern · 11/03/2022 09:00

I don't think yabu but that's because I come first and I also had babies in the days where it was acceptable to rest in the weeks before you were due. If this was my relationship my DP would go on the Sunday, can his mate not meet him then and make a day of it? Or he would find someone else to have the DC while I went to the midwife.

Pyri · 11/03/2022 09:00

I think it’s reasonable for him to have a day “off” as long as he usually pulls his weight and is a good sort. Is there a way around it - could your daughter stay at nursery an extra few hours so you collect her after the appt?

If there is a big drip feed coming and he’s a selfish arse who leaves you every weekend to go on 48 hour benders then YANBU

Original poster

feweekstogo · 11/03/2022 09:01

I have DS to drop off and pick up from school aswell, I don't really mind being in the house with the kids as they are well behaved to be honest. It's the lifting in and out of the car and walking from
The car park up the hill to the school that I struggle with the most.

I don't have anyone else to help me so I guess I will just have to suck it up even though it's giving me terrible anxiety.

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 11/03/2022 09:04

How old is DD? DS will be able to climb in and out of the car himself won't he?

Could you use the school car park as a one off to avoid the hill?

44PumpLane · 11/03/2022 09:05

Somanysocks

He's a man so what he wants is more important, obviously

I don't agree with this, it seems really snarky about the OPs husband with limited info.

He could absolutely be a self important twat, but he could also be a perfectly nice person who is thinking this is an opportunity to have a fun day, the child you already have is in nursery in the morning so frees up a bit of your burden.

If I were him I'd probably want a day with a pal too.

Obviously only you know of it's actually feasible for you to cope for the day with your SPD and your child with everything you have on, and you need to have a conversation with him about that.

CharSiu · 11/03/2022 09:06

If you didn’t have SPD I would say don’t be daft but I have heard it is incredibly painful. So I think he should go on Sunday. Plus the make a day of it, what does he mean? If he is going to get wasted?

50DaysAF · 11/03/2022 09:11

Is it possible to get your child in nursery for a full day?
It’s missing the appointment with the midwife I’d be most concerned about.
If not I’d ask him to do it Sunday instead.

Elieza · 11/03/2022 09:14

Have you told him in words of one syllable about how the spd affects you and asked him how do I get from a to b in 15 mins with a child I can’t lift in and out if a car, to an appointment no children are allowed at all?

Have you told him this isn’t about spoiling his fun but the practicalities of having a heavily pregnant wife who physically can’t do the things she used to due to incubating his baby?

Spell it out for him. In my experience men don’t understand the problems because they haven’t experienced them. So they need an idiots guide to what you are facing, as you probably cope very well at other times so he presumed you will now.

Suggest he goes out with his mate some other night or he goes after dc and your appointment are over.

PattyMelt · 11/03/2022 09:25

He's a nob. You have SPD and are 37 weeks. I never made it past 37 weeks 3 day with either of mine. Does he plan on being there for you going into labour.

ittakes2 · 11/03/2022 09:26

I can not believe some of these responses. You are 37 weeks pregnant - I gave birth at 36.4 weeks - he should not be making a day of anything at the moment and needs to around to help you.

girlmom21 · 11/03/2022 09:27

@ittakes2

I can not believe some of these responses. You are 37 weeks pregnant - I gave birth at 36.4 weeks - he should not be making a day of anything at the moment and needs to around to help you.

He can't not do anything for 6 weeks in case she gives birth early or late.

Aurorasaurus · 11/03/2022 09:28

Yabu.

Pyri · 11/03/2022 09:29

@ittakes2

I can not believe some of these responses. You are 37 weeks pregnant - I gave birth at 36.4 weeks - he should not be making a day of anything at the moment and needs to around to help you.

I gave birth at 42 weeks and certainly wouldn’t have expected my husband to do absolutely nothing for 8 weeks before!

As long as he’s contactable then it’s fine not to be directly in the house with you (as long as OP doesn’t need help etc)

Original poster

feweekstogo · 11/03/2022 09:30

OH is self employed and works from home so luckily he has been here to help me out with school runs.

@girlmom21 school doesn't have a car park only a small one for teachers and it is always shut. So parents just park wherever they can.

When he says make a day off it I'm guessing he means going for food and drinks so he won't be back until late.

OP posts:

Luredbyapomegranate · 11/03/2022 09:31

It’s not great. However if he’s generally a good partner I probably bank it for when you want a favour.

But you are perfectly entitled to ask him not to if getting your son in an out of the car is really an issue (and it’s not just that you are over anxious or annoyed he’s getting a fun day out.)

ChoiceMummy · 11/03/2022 09:32

It's an irritation, but he doesn't do all of the school runs anyway so how this Monday any different to one of the other days he hasn't done?
Children may not be ideal at appointments but they cannot be cancelled because of this. I'm a lone parent and have had to take my child to appointments during this whole covid period.

girlmom21 · 11/03/2022 09:32

Do you have any parent friends who could walk DS down to you? Just trying to think of a way to take the pressure off.

Spanglemum · 11/03/2022 09:32

If he insists on going Monday can you keep your children out of nursery and school and just do the midwife? Are you on a WhatsApp group for school? Could anyone help? Could nursery extend her stay on Monday?

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